I know it's sort of easy to bag on that most hilarious of haircuts - the mullet - but I had an interesting thought today: Do you think that mullet people know they have a mullet or is there a degree of mullet denial involved?
When they go to their stylist do they say:
"Give me the #13... y'know... the mullet." Or is it more like the following exchange:
"Just take a little off the top. I like the back long. Like that Billy Ray Cyrus guy."
"You mean a mullet?"
"What? No! Are you crazy? Just short on top and long in the back."
"So... not a mullet. Just short on top and long on the sides and back?"
"Yes. Exactly. You know: 'Business up front. Party in the back.'?"
"And how is that not a mullet?"
"Mullets are... I dunno. Just different. Longer in the back maybe? Didn't you learn this at the barber college? Yeesh."
"Okay. Whatever. You're a lousy tipper anyway."
So kids, what did we learn today? Well, if your hair is long in the back and short in the front it is, in fact, a mullet, despite whatever delusional state you may find yourself in. It is a mullet. As the poet Wesley Willis once said:
Do something about your long, filthy hair
It looks like a rat's nest
Do something about your mullet
Get out the hair clippers, jerk.
- from masterpiece "Cut the Mullet" found on his Greatest Hits album
The first step is admitting you have a problem. Mullets are hideous. Hilarious, but hideous. They are a disease, but there is a cure. It's called a normal haircut. I'm sure there's some sort of mullet support group for you to join. Do it for the children. Do it for Wesley Willis. Make the world a better place:
Cut the mullet.
I bought my husband a t-shirt at Target that has a guy on it pointing his finger saying "cut your mullet". I will try to locate it in my husbands massive t-shirt pile and post it. My older bro sported a mullet for years, thank heavens he got a wife who guided him into a slightly better hairstyle :)
ReplyDeleteanother blogger from Iowa is considering making a mullet coffee table book, she says the midwest is crawling with "mullet people". Dude you are one FUNNY guy, thanks for the late night laughs!
ReplyDeleteI really think they have no clue. They don't think they have "the mullet".
ReplyDeleteI think it is like being emo, no one really thinks they are emo but they are.
ReplyDelete