Excellent Suckiness

I ate at my desk today. I do this sometimes, here at my new office. It's nice to sit and relax and work on dumb stuff for my lunch hour without having to make small talk or feel weird because I don't know all that many people. So anyway, I ate my sandwich. It was good. Turkey and ham with provolone on wheat. Mayo, not Miracle Whip. It was a pretty dang perfect sandwich.

Next up was my yogurt. Yeah, I eat yogurt; so what? Yogurt is good. It was strawberry. Now, normally I don't like strawberries. Something about the texture and the tartness just rubs me the wrong way. But if it's in something like yogurt, I can eat them no problem. So anyway, I eat my yogurt. Like a man.

Looking into my awesome lunch sack, I see that Candace packed me a handful of M&M's. Let's eat those. I throw them in my mouth three at a time. If I don't pay attention to what I'm doing, I just grab any three at random. If I do pay attention, I get all O.C.D. and try to get three of a color, eating that color in three-piece increments. Yeah, I know I'm crazy.

Halfway through my M&M's, I notice I spilled some strawberry yogurt on my shirtfront. Duh. I do this more than I'd like to admit. I don't have a napkin or paper towel handy, so I do the next best thing: I look around to make sure nobody's watching me and I lick the yogurt from my shirt. Like a man.

One problem. I have M&M's in my mouth. Double duh. So now in addition to the yogurt and spit mixture on the front of my shirt, I have added the food coloring from the M&M's to the mix.

I am grace personified.