Dear obnoxious kids from The Hills,
Will you please just go away? Like, immediately. I can't take seeing/hearing/reading about you, especially since I have no idea who you are. Seriously, why are you famous (or whatever passes for fame these days)?
Just ... die or something. Please.
sincerely,
Dylan
PS: Seriously. Go away.
Which of the following sentences most definitively proves that I am not as young as I think I am:
* "I think I sprained my ankle bringing that 12 pack of Diet Coke up the stairs."
* "Boy, that purple Listerine really works well. My teeth feel so clean."
{ or }
* "Hey you kids, get off of my lawn! I am trying to watch Matlock / The Golden Girls / Murder, She Wrote while preparing to go stand in line at the post office/bank/grocery store/funeral parlor so I can complain at how slow the service is because I have nothing else in my sad, empty life! Criminy!"
Please answer in the comments section.
