The full text of Dylan Todd's State of the Dylan Address, as transcribed by the Basement of the House He's Living In:
Good evening, Madame Internet, eavesdropping security organizations, Google web-crawling robots and distinguished blog followers. We are gathered together tonight to discuss the state of the Dylan, as our Constitution - which I just wrote here on this napkin and, I gotta be honest, it pretty good stuff - states we must do from time to time. See, in a week, I will be having another birthday. I'll be turning 33. Treinta y tres, mi amigos.
Which, I mean, think about that. That's almost starting to get old. I mean, I'm old enough that bands I loved in high school (The Pixies! Pavement!) are having reunion tours. I'm old enough that I remember when Dennis Miller was incisive and relevant. I remember when Weezer wasn't a cuss word. I'm old enough to look at the prices of things and tell whatever kid happens to be walking by that when I was a kid, comics cost 75 cents. It's enough to make a fella take stock of what he's accomplished, what he's got going on and what he's working toward.
Okay, sounds fair. Let's do this.
First off, the elephant in the room: I have no job. I have no job during the worst economic environment since the Great Depression. I'm living with (pronounced: "leeching off of") family, in a basement, while I look for work after moving my family, quite suddenly, cross-country. Yaaaay! That said, we're in surprisingly good spirits and I'm supremely confident I'll find something and soon. I mean, not to be all conceited, but I'm good at what I do and I know I'll find a job that will be creatively satisfying and also help me support my family. If not, there's always my first love, the forgotten trade of competitive scrimshawing.
And I have a lot of things to be thankful for/proud of. I've graduated from college with pretty good grades, played in a band, hunted the mighty Yeti, married a great woman who is awesome and, man, I have a beautiful family. Seriously, I'm not sure how I lucked out with the pretty girls I'm surrounded by every day, but I'm glad I did. The other day I caught myself singing, unironically and loudly, the theme song to Growing Pains. Okay, maybe it was a little ironic and maybe it was "incredibly loud," as opposed to just "loudly," but still.
There's a lot to look forward to for Dylan. For example - and you'll find this either pathetic or endearing - Lost is back on TV for its last season and it's just as mind-blowingly rad as it is inscrutable. And there's also the Star Wars roleplaying group we're starting up again which I gotta admit, I'm pretty excited about. And I might start a band. We'll see. We're getting a new computer soon, so that's exciting. Oh! And dudes! I have an Xbox 360! And in May, Candace and I will celebrate 10 years - A DECADE, MAN - of marriage. I'm like the king of the World, A.K.A., this dude.
So that's where Dylan is right now. As you can see, I am pleased to report that the state of the Dylan is strong. Strong like ox. Thank you. And good night.