The State of the Dylan Address

The full text of Dylan Todd's State of the Dylan Address, as transcribed by the Basement of the House He's Living In:

Good evening, Madame Internet, eavesdropping security organizations, Google web-crawling robots and distinguished blog followers. We are gathered together tonight to discuss the state of the Dylan, as our Constitution - which I just wrote here on this napkin and, I gotta be honest, it pretty good stuff - states we must do from time to time. See, in a week, I will be having another birthday. I'll be turning 33. Treinta y tres, mi amigos.

Which, I mean, think about that. That's almost starting to get old. I mean, I'm old enough that bands I loved in high school (The Pixies! Pavement!) are having reunion tours. I'm old enough that I remember when Dennis Miller was incisive and relevant. I remember when Weezer wasn't a cuss word. I'm old enough to look at the prices of things and tell whatever kid happens to be walking by that when I was a kid, comics cost 75 cents. It's enough to make a fella take stock of what he's accomplished, what he's got going on and what he's working toward.

Okay, sounds fair. Let's do this.

First off, the elephant in the room: I have no job. I have no job during the worst economic environment since the Great Depression. I'm living with (pronounced: "leeching off of") family, in a basement, while I look for work after moving my family, quite suddenly, cross-country. Yaaaay! That said, we're in surprisingly good spirits and I'm supremely confident I'll find something and soon. I mean, not to be all conceited, but I'm good at what I do and I know I'll find a job that will be creatively satisfying and also help me support my family. If not, there's always my first love, the forgotten trade of competitive scrimshawing.

And I have a lot of things to be thankful for/proud of. I've graduated from college with pretty good grades, played in a band, hunted the mighty Yeti, married a great woman who is awesome and, man, I have a beautiful family. Seriously, I'm not sure how I lucked out with the pretty girls I'm surrounded by every day, but I'm glad I did. The other day I caught myself singing, unironically and loudly, the theme song to Growing Pains. Okay, maybe it was a little ironic and maybe it was "incredibly loud," as opposed to just "loudly," but still.

There's a lot to look forward to for Dylan. For example - and you'll find this either pathetic or endearing - Lost is back on TV for its last season and it's just as mind-blowingly rad as it is inscrutable. And there's also the Star Wars roleplaying group we're starting up again which I gotta admit, I'm pretty excited about. And I might start a band. We'll see. We're getting a new computer soon, so that's exciting. Oh! And dudes! I have an Xbox 360! And in May, Candace and I will celebrate 10 years - A DECADE, MAN - of marriage. I'm like the king of the World, A.K.A., this dude.

So that's where Dylan is right now. As you can see, I am pleased to report that the state of the Dylan is strong. Strong like ox. Thank you. And good night.


Anonymous said...

I wish you tones of luck!
You certainly deserve it.

Josh said...

Great post Dylan. It's great that you can count your blessings in these times, I'm sure you will be blessed with work soon. Good luck!

Candace said...

way to have a great positive metal attitude. i love you.

chanel said...

you're super cool. and even if you MIGHT be close to being old, at least you know weezer is a bad word, cause I was all, "HUH? It is? hmmm." good to know, I have some old ladies here in cowtown that might need to be called it.

Allen TenBusschen said...

If one of the coolest guys I've met doesn't land back on his feet, im checking out of this place soon! Dylan you are still one of the best people doomed to wander the earth, Good Luck man, I hope you find a sweet job soon.

Sam. said...

Why hello there! This was wonderful to read..although you may see those things as getting old - it is certainly fun, I'm sure, to be nostaligic about all of the years gone by. We never get too old to enjoy life! I hope everything ends up working out for you.