I Do So Love A Good Library

A well-stocked library is a thing of beauty, innit? The Lakewood library is pretty phenomenal. The Rexburg one was pathetic. The ones in Vegas were decent. Sort of hit-and-miss, but all in all, pretty good. See, I'm a library masseur. That's right - I give massages to libraries.

Wait. Hold on.

That's not the word I was looking for. What's the word where you are like all smart about something and you're sort of like a know-it-all but you're more classy than just a regular know-it-all and you like wear a smoking jacket and an ascot all the time? You smoke a pipe and know all this stuff about stuff and stuff? "Constipator?" "Contractor?" "Condensator?" Ah yes, a "connoisseur." That's what I am. I am a library connoisseur. That's me. Let me just slip on my smoking jacket and I'll tell you all about the Lakewood Library.

There, much better. Let me just light my pipe here and we'll get started.

I went to the Lakewood Public Library last week and got a library card. I've been really (and I do mean really) excited about this ever since I moved into this area back in April and happened to pass by the library on my way to Hollywood video to rent Battlestar Galactica season one DVDs.

Yeah, I'm a nerd. So what? I like that show. It has spaceships.

Anyway, so I got about 10 graphic novels (which is a grown-up way of saying "comic books," not a way of saying "dirty books," just so we're clear) and 25 CDs. I would have gotten more (believe me, I had a basket like the ones you get at the supermarket - like the Giant Eagle perhaps? - chock full of the things... you should see their CD section. I refer to it as "Valhalla." It is beautiful. Sort of like this only CDs and not a fiberglass buffalo.) but when I was getting my card the lady (I guess she should be referred to as a librarian, huh?) told me that the only restriction was you couldn't check out more that five DVDs at a time. "Frakkin' sweet," thought I. "I'll just load up my basket with some CDs." She was a liar. A lying librarian. A lying librarian named Linda Lemmon.

Not really.

Sorry, I got carried away with the alliteration. I'll try to contain myself next time, but I make no guarantees.

Now what was I talking about? Oh yeah, the CD limit at the library. There is a 25 CD limit at the library. I felt like a bit of a nerd when another librarian informed me that I could only get 25 of them at a time. So I winnowed the stack down (to about half... seriously, I have a problem. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, my friends.) and I will be going back sometime over the next couple of days to stock up again. I mean, they had the Dictators debut album, the Dictators Go Girl Crazy! there! Rock! I've been wanting to hear that album for years. Literally! Double rock!

Oh! And, to top it all off, I haven't even seen their fiction section as it's all boxed up because... wait for it... they're moving to a bigger, BETTER space over the next month or so. Triple rock! This summer's gonna rule, I can feel it.

Ah, libraries. I loves 'em. Now where'd I put that ascot?