Thoughts From the Road

Having driven over 1200 miles over the last few days, I had a few thoughts on travelling that I'd like to share:

1. The leftmost lane is the "passing lane." You use it to pass slower cars. This is why there are all those pesky "Slower Traffic Keep Right," signs scattered by the side of the road. Because you should get over if you're going to go slow. It's not difficult. Unless you are passing other people, don't drive in that lane. Seriously. If you insist on sitting there, and driving under the speed limit, expect a lot of nasty looks at best.

2. Utah people cannot drive. I don't know if it's the fault if the DMV there or if there is something in the water, but they either go way too fast or way too slow. It's very scary.

3. The "Shuffle by Album" setting on the iPod is the greatest invention since, uh, the iPod. Well, unless you hit an album you don't want to hear at that moment, then it's the bane of your existence.

4. Beef jerky rules.

5. Dr. Pepper is delicious, but it will make you pee a lot, which means using a public restroom, which means feeling like the bottom of someone's shoe no matter how many times you wash your hands.

6. Speed limits are for sissies.

7. There are a disturbing number of beer bottles on the sides of the highway.

8. If you absolutely must sit down in a men's public restroom, don't look at the walls. Or the ceiling. Or the back of the door. Or the floor. Just close your eyes and for goodness' sake, make sure the stall door's locked!

9. How come nobody writes anything nice on bathroom stall walls?

10. 99% of billboards are U-G-L-Y. Just hideous. I find it hard to believe that people get paid to design those things. Maybe poorly-trained, brain-damaged chimpanzees as a form of therapy, but people? Yuck.

So there you go, a few thoughts from the road. It's no Kerouac, but what is, really?