3.05.2009

Why I Don't Watch the Night-Time News

"Hey, man. It looks like you're getting a little sleepy and you're thinking about going to bed. Hittin' the hay and stuff. That's cool. I'd be doing the same thing if I weren't out here, you know, reporting the news and whatnot. 'Just the facts.' You know how I roll.

"But real quick, before you go to bed, I just wanted to let you know there's a dude out there wearing a hooded sweatshirt and he has a gun. And he's just runnin' loose and stuff. Very dangerous guy. Stone cold killer. And sneaky, too. This dude is sooo sneaky, he's like some sort of psychopathic, hoodie-wearing, gun-toting ninja who wants only to hurt people. The cops are lookin' for him, but so far, he's like ... disappeared. Poof! Gone. Just thought you might like to know. Anyway, goodnight.

"Oh, and also, we're on the verge of total economic collapse and could be obliterated at any moment by rogue nuclear weapons or bird flu or teen-aged drivers.

"Anyway, just thought you might want to know. Sleep tight."

1 comment:

Chanel said...

I saw the news tonight oh boy. The American 'conomy just lost the war.