This + 3 = D (Hail Caesar)

Okay, so check this out. After this here post, I will have posted a grand total of 497 times. Or, if you're all into Roman numerals that's CDXCVII. In three more posts I will be at 500, or, D. This is epic. Like unto Gilgamesh. Look it up. It's in a book or something.

I have no clue how I will celebrate this momentous occasion, but I will say this: it will be the stuff of legends. Aesop himself will rise from the grave and spin mad tales about this post that will also have some sort of moral. You know, for the kids. It will be the kind of legend that former civilizations built religions around like some guy turning into a swan or a bull and getting his freak on with a mortal lay-day. It will be like the legends of old where the one guy gets all lost in the maze and the minotaur tries to get him and he flies off but gets too close to the sun and falls onto an island and has to hide under a sheepskin from some blinded cyclops while sirens sing and meanwhile dudes are totally trying to lay the mack down on his old lady back home.

Or something like that.

Bottom line: it will be the nadir of my blog posting thus far. A veritable zenith, if you will. It will be fairly boss.

Or I will just post 500 pictures of M.O.D.O.K. Either way, everyone wins.

Seriously though, how should I celebrate? I thought about giving something away, but doesn't that seem a little... backward? It's like my blog birthday. You don't give presents on your birthday, you get presents, right? But who would give me presents? And what would I give people, anyway? Old socks? Cool stickers? A drawering of some sort? I thought about making a list of 500 things but man... that's a lot of things. I also thought of listing my top 500 posts, but... well that would be all of them, wouldn't it? Maybe 500 haikus? 500 words on why I think kung fu is teh radness? 500 reasons why Star Wars is better than Star Trek?

Do you see my dilemma? It is of ( wait for it ) immense proportions. So I pose the question to you, beloved internets: What would you like to see for my 500th post?

Craft Time!

Dude. I so need to make one of these. Maybe two.

Okay, 37.

Pretty Persuasion

Now I'm not saying I'm planning anything, but let's just say, hypothetically speaking of course, that I were to to keep track of the top ten commenters on this blog for the month of June. You know, just keep a running tally of those people who put their proverbial money where their proverbial keyboards are, so to speak, and have their proverbial voice heard proverbially on the important things, like who would win in a fight between Dracula and El Santo.*

It wouldn't be totally out of character for me to, say, give a super sweet mix CD to those top ten commenters at the end of the month, would it? Hypothetically speaking, of course. I'm just saying, it's not like there's no precedence, right?

*(El Santo wins... this is no contest, really. El Santo always wins. Except versus M.O.D.O.K. That'd be a tough one to call. Let us pray it never happens. Truly this would shake the very heavens)

I Am Sorry If You Think I Am No Longer Alive

I assure you that I am, in fact, living. It's just that I have no internet at home (okay, so a little bit of internet from someone's stray wi-fi signal, but only when the wind's right) and work keeps me busy. I just thought I should check in before I start getting bouquets of flower and letters of condolences (to soon be followed by "Well, I always thought you could have done a lot better," comments) sent to my wife.

We finally got our phone hooked up today and have to wait 10 days until they can figure out if we have DSL in our area. Because I am not going back to dial-up. Never.

Anyway, we're all here and happy and healthy. Our entire life is half-unpacked, but in time we will settle that. Hopefully.

In the mean time, think about this: is there anybody, anywhere cooler than Doctor Doom? (Besides M.O.D.O.K., obviously. M.O.D.O.K. trumps all)? I mean, really, look at this guy totally owning the Silver Surfer (or, as I like to refer to him, That Freaking Chrome Hippie):

Because the Big Red Robot's All About Education & Whatnot

Today class, I will enlighten your brains with a post about M.O.D.O.K. I was thinking about doing a comics post on Doctor Doom or the Thing, two of my favorite comic characters, like, ever, but they'll have to wait. Everyone waits for M.O.D.O.K.

"But Dylan, I have no clue what you're talking about. It's like you're just typing letters and making no sense here. What is your deal?" Easy there, my young pupil. All will be explained. Maybe.

See, in my book arts class today, I made a M.O.D.O.K. reference and nobody got it. I mean, what the heck are they teaching kids in school these days? This, my friends, is what is wrong with America. Freaking Liberal media and treehuggers and whatnot.

See, M.O.D.O.K. is one of the best comic creations like, ever. First off, he looks like this:

From an aesthetic point of view, M.O.D.O.K. is a gigantic pruny baby head with super Kirbytech that helps him fly and shoot lasers and whatnot.

Yeah, pretty amazing.

But wait... it gets amazinger. "What," you may ask, "does M.O.D.O.K. stand for?" Well, I'm glad you asked becaus ethat is the kicker. M.O.D.O.K. stands for Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing, which would look great on a business card. Or a personalized license plate. Or a t-shirt. Or on the front of an apron... beats the heck out of "Kiss the Cook."

Acronym names rule. In fact, they rule so much I shall give myself one. M.O.D.O.K., you have inspired me. From here on out, I shal be known as H.O.T.B.O.D.(&.E.T.C.): Human Organism Totally Built to Only Design (& Eating The Cookies).

That's catchy.

Oh, and there's some origin for him that is crazy, like the terrorist organizatiuon A.I.M. (Advanced Idea Mechanics, I believe, the Marvel U is thick with acronyms) they wanted to give him a bigger brain but he revolted and ended up taking over AIM. Or something. Whatever.

All you really need to know is the following:
Big baby head.
Crazy Kirbytech.
Designed Only For Killing.

That should dazzle anyone at an upcoming holiday party. In fact, you should tell your boss all about M.O.D.O.K. He (or she) will be so impressed that I personally guarantee* you will get a raise, a personal secretary and an office the size of Delaware. So says H.O.T.B.O.D.(&.E.T.C.)!

So, there's M.O.D.O.K. in a nutshell. Sure there's much much more to be discussed about him and his awesomeness, but that's why they invented Wikipedia and I am too lazy to cut & paste it here because I want to go eat cookies. I will, however, leave you with a cute little mini-M.O.D.O.K. Don't let his size fool you! He is Designed Only for Killing!

*This guarantee is totally fake and I am such a dirty liar. That's what you get for trusting people with acronym names.