"I'm So Tired Of All These Star Wars."

So I'm playing in a Star Wars roleplaying gaming group again. Basically, Star Wars roleplaying is like Dungeons & Dragons only waaay more awesome. It's been a blast. So far, my character has been almost blown out of a hull breach into the cold vacuum of space, been knocked unconscious in a blaster fight, helped a kidnapped stand-up comic escape, spent the night in jail (ssspace jail, that is) after threatening a mid-level bureaucrat and attempting to bribe some Coruscant cops and then finally, upon release, broke into aforementioned bureaucrat's palatial penthouse to steal a very important MacGuffin, but not before reprogramming a security droid to start blasting the flesh-and-blood security guards watching the cameras and patrolling the apartment.

Like I said, waaay more awesome.

Anyway, so I had this idea for some shirts for the guys I game with. You know, for when we're not dressing up like Chewbaccas and Slave Leias and nerding it up with our 20-, 10-, 8-, 6- and 4-sided die. (J/K, we don't dress up. … Or do we? No really, we don't.) Anyway, so here's the mock-up of the shirt design. I'll post some pics of the real deals once I get them printed:


And if you're wondering, the post title comes from this Upright Citizen's Brigade sketch:



Alright, I gotta go level my guy up before tonight's session. Peace and may the mamma jammin' force be with y'all.

Questions For Myself

What follows is a list of questions I find myself asking, um ... myself.

"Could I care less about anything related to American Idol?"

"Are there a more loathsome and irritating group of people than mainstream superhero comics fans?"

"Why in the world did George Lucas think it was an even remotely good idea to have that two-headed podrace announcer in The Phantom Menace?"

"Where can I find a decent, pre-owned disco ball around here?"

"How do h-h-human beings survive in this c-c-c-coldness?"

"Why did nobody tell me that Gouda cheese was so amazing? Why am I almost 32 years old and I'm just now finding this out? Seriously, people, how is this happening?!"

"Is 'Gouda' capitalized?"

"Does anybody listen to the mixes I post?"

"Why does the Chris Haley hate Garfield so much?"

"Why do my girls love to destroy everything in their path?"

"What am I getting for Christmas? Is it a pony? Two ponies?"

Tears Of A Clone (or) How The Clone Wars Ruined My Life

So, this weekend we watched this movie:



And it pretty much ruined my life.

See, up until this weekend, my Star Wars Nerdiness had largely gone into remission. Sure, I had played the Lego video game. And Knights Of the Old Republic 2 (but sadly couldn't beat it and finally gave up and walked away). And I watched the first two films with my four-year-old recently. Oh, and I got a sort of sick glee when that same four-year-old requested she be Princess Leia for Halloween. And yeah, it was sort of my idea to dress our year-and-a-half daughter like Darth Vader.

But trust me, this is mild compared to the depths of my nerdery for the Star Wars Universe.

I can name a dozen Star Wars species off the top of my head. Same thing for planets. I have read roughly one bazillion books from the Thrawn Trilogy (where an alien mastermind Imperial Grand Admiral steps out of the shadows to terrorize the Original Trilogy heroes and the newly-formed New Republic) to all the Tales Of... anthologies (Tales of the Mos Eisley Catina, Tales Of the Bounty Hunters, and Tales Of Jabba's Palace, all containing backstories to the characters who inhabit those brief scenes in the Original Trilogy) to the entirety of the New Jedi Order series (where an extra-galactic threat - the merciless Yuzzhan Vong - challenges the Original Trilogy heroes, their kids and all the new Jedi trained by Luke Skywalker and his wife). I have bought action figures, lusted after a replica of Luke Skywalker's Bespin fatigues and hosted/played/gamemastered a Star Wars Role Playing group. I read the comics, magazines and played (pretty badly) the trading card game. I saw all three Prequels at midnight showings. I was (literally) a card-carrying member of the Star Wars Fan Club for like three years. After the age of 20. I have a copy of a copy of a bootleg video recording of the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special.

I loved that universe and the limitless possibilities for fun, myth and adventure it promises. But I was done with all of that. I sold off the books, RPG materials, boxed up the toys for future generations. I don't own either Trilogy on DVD. Beyond the odd tug to write an Oceans Eleven knock-off starring Lando Calrissian, I couldn't tell you the last time I seriously thought about the Star Wars Universe; it's rules, vocabulary, mechanics and possibilities. I mean, I'm a grown-@$$ man, fer cryeye. I don't have time for this stuff.

I was (mostly) cured. Whole. Free.

And then I saw this dang movie. This cartoon that is just a glorified pilot for the Cartoon Network series. The same movie that got a whopping 19% positive reviews (ouch!) over on Rotten Tomatoes. This goofy cartoon with wisecracking battle droids, wooden CGI acting and a big gay Hutt.

But guess what? I don't care. I really liked it. Why? Because it was fun! And fun is something the Star Wars Universe has been missing since, well, since Return Of the Jedi (which is still a little ponderous at times, nowhere near as freewheeling as Empire or most of A New Hope).

The Prequels were too busy trying to be epic and mythic and the fun suffered for it. As much as the Original Trilogy was based on mythic structures (and it is, as a million high school essays on Joseph Campbell written by people like me - but not me, sadly - will attest), it merely provided the framework for adventure. The Prequels try to hint at it with banter that ultimately falls flat on its face, but Lucas is too drunk on his own Capital-"i"-Importance to allow it to really come to the fore. Remember, Empire and Jedi were both helmed and written by somebody not named "George Lucas."

And well, you can see how that worked out.

Even the previous Cartoon Network Clone Wars series by Samurai Jack guru Genndy Tartakovsky (whose name is impossible to spell without Wikipedia. And that's a scientific fact.) were a little too obsessed with their kewlness to really be "fun." They were cool, but not fun.

But this version, I dunno, I really liked it. It made me want more. Is that wrong? As I watched Obi-Wan and a bunch of Troopers jump out of those awesome drop ships, I caught myself thinking about how much fun it would be to play in an RPG campaign set in the Clone Wars. To be, like a Jedi General or something fighting off Separatist forces on Mon Calamari? Or a smuggler with a heart of gold stealing supplies from the Trade Federation and giving them to besieged communities? See? See how nerdy this gets?

I checked to see if I could watch any more episodes online (which I can, but not, um, legally). Then I cruised the Star Wars toys at Target (Okay, I always do that, but still). Then I checked out the Star Wars section at Barnes & Noble and, well, that's when things fell apart.

I saw the cover to this book and said, "Dang it. Jedi pulp? Oh man, I want to read this." I started weeping openly. In the middle of the store. Some old lady asked me if I was okay. I told her it was all Jar Jar's fault and she just backed away slowly as I writhed on the floor in agony. It was a mess.

Three hours later, I managed to pull myself together enough to made my way upstairs to the kids' section where Candace and the girls were browsing. I wiped my face clear of the tears and told Candace, "I think I want to start reading Star Wars books again." which felt like telling her, "I think I want to start snorting heroin."

To which she replied, very matter-of-factly, "Um, okay." Which is incredibly cool (she really is awesome), but at the same time unbelievably reckless. Because this could easily escalate to weekly pizza and gaming sessions in the living room again (Okay, probably not, but still). So yeah, I'm gonna read Coruscant Nights: Jedi Twilight and the other two in the series. And I'll probably read the Legacy Of the Force series because I gotta see what happens to the Solo kids.

Because I have the sickness again. And it's all The Clone Wars' fault.

Death To Jar Jar [or] Adventures In Hardcore Nerdery

I love Star Wars. You know it. I know it. Dogs know it. But let's face facts, the Prequels were not very good. Not very good at all. This is very unfortunate. It makes me whine. A lot.

Thankfully, not everybody who loves Star Wars is like me and just sits around bellyaching about how much opportunity was wasted, how much a franchise that was so cool could go so wrong or how fake Qui-Gon's beard looked. Some people actually [gasp!] do something about it. I know, crazy, right?

John Seavey over at Fraggmented - when he's not figuring out how and why superhero comics work with his always excellent Storytelling Engines series (I tried linking to it, but couldn't make it work. Duh!) - has been serializing some fixes for the problems of the Prequels.

And they work. Like, really, really well. I'm jealous.

I'd definitely brave lines full of Jedi cosplay nerds singing that freaking Weird Al song to see his versions of Episode One, Episode Two and Episode 3. Give them a read and see if you would, too.

And judging by some comments (or he's probably mentioned it and I missed it) he made in Episode 3's comments section, he's going to take a crack at the Original Trilogy, which could prove interesting. (Just don't touch Empire and we won't have any problems, mmmkay?)

And who knows? With Crazy Old Uncle George always mucking with his movies, maybe he'll just redo all of them and have Seavey write them. What? It's no more far-fetched than the whole midichlorians thing. Yeesh, what the heck was that all about?

Steve Sansweet, Jedi Master Of Hyperbole

Lucasfilm held a Star Wars panel at the Wizardworld Chicago comic convention this last weekend, and Lucasfilm Director of Content Management & Head of Fan Relations Steve Sansweet* was on hand to fling hyperbole like so much monkey crap:

Re: the new Clone Wars CGI movie and series: "It's going to be more cinematic than any other show on television."

Re: The Force Unleashed video game: "It's the most exciting, dramatic Star Wars game to date."

Re: the Star Wars-themed episode of Robot Chicken: "one of the great Star Wars spoofs of all time."

Wow. Congratulations, Steve Sansweet, you're now officially the the Donald Trump of Star Wars fandom.

*******

* Is it just me or does it look like he peed his pants in that Wiki shot? He probably got overly excited because he's holding "The single most impressive TIE Fighter pilot figure of all time in the history of the world! Ever!"

Those Kooky Star Wars

This is fairly awesome:

A big nod to the title work of the always reliable Saul Bass.

It Came From the Stars

This seems like it should be big news, doesn't it? Especially for someone whose whole life is based on a foundation of lightsabers and falcons of the millennium variety (which, any general contractor will tell you, is no way to build a building, though it's worked out pretty well, I guess). I mean, it's a New. Star. Wars. Movie. Like, in theaters and everything. I feel like I should feel some sort of excitement for this announcement rather than this creeping dread mixed with unexplainable sadness, like millions of voices crying out at once and suddenly silenced.

What do you think? Should I stay away like it's some sort of plague or should I be cautiously optimistic? Keep in mind I thought the other Clone Wars cartoons were cool, but also sort of crap. Discuss.

This Just In!

NASA is apparently beaming the Beatles song "Across the Universe" into outer space. If outer space responds by saying that they would prefer to "hear that new Paula Abdul song, you know, the one she did with the guy from Idol?", I will personally lead the war with outer space.

Who is with me?

Okay, I'll Admit It...

That new New Pornographers album is not that bad. I wouldn't include it in any end of year "Best Of" lists, but it's a good, solid album. Especially when mixed in with their other albums. It's sort of like R.E.M.'s Monster which I hatehatehated when it came out - it was so overly glammy and same-sounding - and slightly adore now. It works well with the rest of their catalog.

So... okay, Jesse, you win. There. I said it. Happy now?

Switching gears. Let's talk TV. Specifically NBC's Bionic Woman. To borrow liberally from that American patriot Stephen Colbert, Bionic Woman: you are on notice. Stop being so mopey and whiny and be the really awesome espionage/action/drama you were designed to be. It is your destiny. The Emperor has foreseen it.

I'd also like to take a minute and spread the love for Life, which comes on after that show that should be awesome but isn't. It's a lot of fun. Very recommended.

Finally: Kittens.

Until next time, amigos.

I Walked Into the Wall.

I am such a battered wife for Star Wars. No matter how badly and how often he hurts me, I can't help but remember the good times and fool myself that he wasn't always like this. That when it's just us two he's very sweet and caring. Sure, sometimes he flies off the handle, but that's just the midichlorians talking. It's not him. Not the real him. Star Wars doesn't mean it. He still loves me, I know it.

To prove my point, I present that I got all kinds of giddy over this news item, despite all sense dictating that this will eventually and undoubtedly break my poor little heart into tiny bits of sadness and denial. Did I learn nothing from the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles?

He still loves me. I know it. It's just a rough patch. Every relationship has rough patches, right? Right?

This + 3 = D (Hail Caesar)

Okay, so check this out. After this here post, I will have posted a grand total of 497 times. Or, if you're all into Roman numerals that's CDXCVII. In three more posts I will be at 500, or, D. This is epic. Like unto Gilgamesh. Look it up. It's in a book or something.

I have no clue how I will celebrate this momentous occasion, but I will say this: it will be the stuff of legends. Aesop himself will rise from the grave and spin mad tales about this post that will also have some sort of moral. You know, for the kids. It will be the kind of legend that former civilizations built religions around like some guy turning into a swan or a bull and getting his freak on with a mortal lay-day. It will be like the legends of old where the one guy gets all lost in the maze and the minotaur tries to get him and he flies off but gets too close to the sun and falls onto an island and has to hide under a sheepskin from some blinded cyclops while sirens sing and meanwhile dudes are totally trying to lay the mack down on his old lady back home.

Or something like that.

Bottom line: it will be the nadir of my blog posting thus far. A veritable zenith, if you will. It will be fairly boss.

Or I will just post 500 pictures of M.O.D.O.K. Either way, everyone wins.

Seriously though, how should I celebrate? I thought about giving something away, but doesn't that seem a little... backward? It's like my blog birthday. You don't give presents on your birthday, you get presents, right? But who would give me presents? And what would I give people, anyway? Old socks? Cool stickers? A drawering of some sort? I thought about making a list of 500 things but man... that's a lot of things. I also thought of listing my top 500 posts, but... well that would be all of them, wouldn't it? Maybe 500 haikus? 500 words on why I think kung fu is teh radness? 500 reasons why Star Wars is better than Star Trek?

Do you see my dilemma? It is of ( wait for it ) immense proportions. So I pose the question to you, beloved internets: What would you like to see for my 500th post?

I'm Posting Even Though I Feel Crappy ( Because I Am All Committed To Your Enjoyment Like That )

So, Lost and Heroes have been pretty major mainstream successes. Battlestar Galactica dusted off a pretty hokey old sci-fi concept and made it all shiny and (relatively) cool. Superhero movies consistently pack people into multiplexes even when they're of third-tier heroes like Ghost Rider or not very good at all like X-Men 3. Heck, Entertainment Weekly had a whole section of their magazine devoted to this year's San Diego Comic-con.

There's a lot of talk of "the geeks inheriting the earth." Well, if that's the case, I guess I'd better get cracking on carving out my little geek kingdom. Let's bust this zeitgeist, shall we?

I don't know if anybody else noticed, but there's more than a few nerdy concepts being pitched at your eyeballs this coming television season. We've got the CW throwing in their hat with Reaper about a 20-something who is also... ( wait for it... wait for it ) ... working for the Devil, CBS is offering Moonlight (not to be confused with Moonlighting) a show about a cop who is also ... ( wait for it... wait for it ) ... a vampire, and Fox's offering, New Amsterdam, about a cop who is also... ( wait for it... wait for it ) ... immortal.

NBC, home of Heroes has two especially geeky shows (and I'm not including Chuck which is annoying me already), the reboot of Bionic Woman and the Quantum Leap knock-off Journeyman that stars that one British actor trying really hard to not sound British.

And that's not even counting the returning shows: Smallville, Heroes, Jericho (or is it canceled again?), BSG (for its fourth and final season... which I think is a smart move) and, eventually, we will get back the beloved Lost, which rocketh my world mightily.

So, have I made my point, that, to quote the poet:"It's hip to be square"? Yes? Good.

So, what does this mean for little old me? Well, I'm cashing in. I mean, it's time that a lifetime of Star Wars, comic books and science-fiction novels paid off, right? So, I submit to you, dear reader, Shows I Am Pitching When I Stop Being Lazy™:

* He's a mechanic who is also a ghost! He is Mr. Ghostwrench!

* He is an accountant who can shoot lasers from his eyes! What's up, L.E.D.C.P.A.!?

* He is a bum doctor who can see the future! Meet The Prognosticating Proctologist!

* He is a lawyer who is also a werewolf! His partner is also a lawyer and also a werewolf! What are the odds!? Say hello to Wolfman & Wolfman, Attorneys at Night!

* She is a schoolteacher who fights zombies! She is Ms. Buttkicker!

* He is a computer engineer who is also skilled in the martial arts! Give it up for Karate Nerd!

* She is a businesswoman who is also a vampire! Get ready for Martha Stewart!

* He is an immigration officer... from outerspace! ¡Hola, Illegal Alien!

* I would also remake Knight Rider. Maybe as an action comedy. This one I'm sort of serious about.

And that's just 10 of them off the top of my head. And I'm sick today, so, yeah. I can go for days. Look out TV, you are about to get the awesome dropped on you like never before.

Right after I take a nap.

P.S.: Am I the only one who remembers The Highwayman? That show ruled. Or maybe not. [ sigh ] Probably not.

Another Needless Comic Post

Holy crap!

Warren Ellis.

Simone Bianchi.

Astonishing X-Men.

Proof that Marvel hasn't gone completely mad.

Glee.

In other news, I went to the comic shop and the library this week, so now I will bore you with short reviews:

First off, I read the hardcover collection of the Ultimate Galactus Trilogy by Warren Ellis and a bunch (and i mean a bunch) of other artists. It's good. Not great, but there are enough moments to keep it afloat. (My favorite moment is when the shuttle is lifting off and Reed Richards, with a grin as wide as his flexible face can contain says "I never get tired of this feeling." You and me both, Reed.)

The only misstep (beyond the wildly varying art) is the inclusion of the Mark Millar/John Romita Jr. Ultimate Vision back-up strip that not only adds little to the overall story, but actually contradicts a sort of big plot point for the finale of the saga. Still, it's got that crackle that most Ellis books do (which, it can be argued, is the real foundation of the Ultimate Universe, i.e.: a desire to replicate the widescreen superheroics of Ellis' "definition of awesome" book: the Authority) and, face facts, true believers, Ultimate Captain Marvel is just plain cool.

I also picked up Bizarro Comics, an anthology of indie comics artists playing with DC's toys, (Not a bad idea, eh, Marvel?) as well as volume one of the much-hyped Isaac the Pirate, both of which I have only skimmed. Reviews will appear if I feel either are worth shouting about.

So, yeah, I went to the comic shop yesterday, as I am wont to do. Here's what I picked up:

the Immortal Iron Fist #7 - I think I'm with Jog on this one. As good as this issue was, I really thought it could/should have been better. Not a lot better, just... better. I kept waiting for that one "aw hecks yeah" moment that I've come to expect from this book, but, alas, it never came. Still, you can do worse than a book about a lady doing kung fu on pirates and prostitutes, so I'll be shutting up now.

Godland #19 - A solid issue. It's always a little too cute for its own good, but it's still big, winking fun. Scioli's cleaned up his linework a little and Casey starts moving all of the pieces from the various subplots he's been percolating, which is good because I can't help but feel like more should be happening by now (a fact that Casey, via Freidrich Nickelhead, kind of meta-inserts mid-issue). Still a good read.

I also took a chance on Starlord #1 for a few reasons:

1. It has Rocket Raccoon in it.

2. Issue 4 has this cover:

(click it to make it bigger... it's worth it.)

3. It's superheroes in space which is like peanut butter and chocolate. It's a no-brainer, really.

and finally,

4. It has Rocket Raccoon in it.

Basically, it's a bunch of third-tier Marvel space characters on a Dirty Dozen-style suicide mission. Did I mention Rocket Raccoon is in it? Seriously though, it has a really good, Star Wars Expanded Universe/Battlestar Galactica vibe to it and while I'm not following the entire Annihilation: Conquest crossover (that would require a lot more patience and cash than I currently possess, as well as a willingness to read a comic with the word Quasar - what was our name for him again, Huston? ah-winkwink - on the cover), I'm definitely on board with Starlord (I should make a campaign button that says that: "I Am On Board With Starlord") unless something goes horribly awry. Also, the art is quite pretty.

Oh, and also, I broke down and bought the hardcover of the first volume of Nextwave: Agents Of Hate, (with the second volume to be purchased sometime soon) because I love it so.

So, yeah. Anybody still reading this post? Anybody? Monkey bottoms and pig intestines. Poop monster. Electric battery car lipstick on an enigmatic steer. Fart bacon. Nicotine cheese. Gragnok. Purf. Wq.

"And now I'm Back/To Show You I Can Really Shake 'Em Down..."

Okay, so Cleveland was... well, it was good and bad. Mostly good though. Like an 80/20 split.

The good:
*My interview went extremely well. I'm not saying that I for sure, 100%, have the job, but I honesty don't see how it could have gone better. I, as we say in the bizzz, "nailed it." We shall see.

*Cleveland is a cool city. A lot of history, a lot of cool things happening. It's a little... ghetto-ish in some sectors, but you get the feeling that it's making a turnaround. It's kind of an underdog city. It's not as cool as say New York or Chicago, but it's making a comeback. And you know I'm a sucker for underdogs (thank you Star Wars for ingraining that mentality into my three-year-old mind).

*I read a couple good books: The Grim Grotto, book 11 in the Series of Unfortunate Events series by Lemony Snicket (which I'll post a quote from soon); Dan Hipp's cool revenge tale, Gyakushu! vol. 1 (Hipp was the artist in the sadly overlooked Amazing Joy Buzzards) and half (of the 900! pages...) of Stephen King's Wolves Of the Calla, book five of his epic Dark Tower saga (basically a violent, crude, mash-up of Spaghetti Westerns and Lord of the Rings, with robots, time-travel, monsters and multi-verse dimension-hopping thrown in for good measure). I also skimmed vol. 1 of the Essential Thor, which was fun, if not amazingly mind-blowing, though there is a story where Loki escapes from Asgard and travels to Earth to cause mischief by turning all the cars in NYC into ice cream. Mmmmm, mischievous and delicious.

*I got three free round-trip tickets through United for giving up my seat on the flight back. Which brings me to...

The bad:
*I spent a lot of time travelling. I woke up at 6:30 am Mountain Time yesterday morning and got home, here to Rexburg, at 11:30 pm.

*I only got one other appointment set up (and they weren't looking for a print designer, like, at all), so I spent most of Thursday night and Friday sitting in my hotel room, watching whatever was on TV, wishing I was home. [sigh]

*I missed my ladies immensely. I'm glad to be home.

So, that's my trip to Cleveland. I'll probably post some pictures once I finish off the disposable camera I picked up. Meanwhile, I'm going to start hitting firms in Portland and see if I can't drum up some interest there while I wait for Twist Creative (who I interviewed with, check 'em out here).

So, I'm back.Internet, beware - you will be rocked.

100 Degrees

Okay, so I'll hop on board this whole "100 Things" meme if only so I can get the dang thing out of my head. Seriously, it's creepy how ideas like this spread. It's no wonder these sort things are referred to as "viral," because everybody I've shaken hands with on the internet has passed on their germs.

[achoo!]

Here goes:

1. I'm more than a little self-conscious.
2. My default is to assume that people don't like me.
3. I like all kinds of music
4. And when I say "all kinds," I mean just that, not that you caught me off-guard and couldn't think of anything so I just said that. I'm not too hot on hip-hop and really can't stomach contemporary pop-country (sorry folks, but it's some dire stuff), but other than that, I'm game.
5. I have close to 1000 CD's.
6. Most of them are legally obtained.
7. I also have a shelf of vinyl records as well as a couple of shoeboxes full of mixtapes that I've made over the years.
8. I am still madly in love with my wife.
9. I honestly thought I'd never find a girl that complemented me as well as Candace does.
10. I miss her when I'm gone.
11. We're totally co-dependent.
12. It's kind of sick.
13. And sort of sweet.
14. Mostly sweet.
15. I am obsessed with the Beach Boys, Guided By Voices, the Flaming Lips and Talking Heads.
16. I used to try and harness the power of the Force to turn on the light switch when I was five or six.
17. I still try it now and then... just in case.
18. I have been obsessed with Star Wars for most of my life.
19. I was - literally - a card-carrying member of the Star Wars Fan Club before the mediocrity of the prequels leached my passion for that universe dry.

Everything in that previous statement cements my nerd status forever.

20. I love comic books.
21. Mainly the mechanics of sequential storytelling - it's a boundless medium, limited only by the imagination of the storyteller.
22. Okay, so I also like superheroes punching each other.
23. I can name a couple dozen X-Men off of the top of my head.
24. I like samurai movies.
25. And kung-fu movies.
26. I can appreciate a good car chase, fight scene and/or an impressive explosion.
27. I am a loyal friend.
28. I like doing things for people I love.
29. I started drawing in the fourth grade.
30. I am still not a great draftsman, but appreciate the challenge drawing, as well as art, presents me with.
31. I have a knack for writing.
32. For a week or so, I flirted with the idea of switching to an English major and writing for a living, mainly because it comes so naturally.
33. I'm glad I stuck with art.
34. I don't feel particularly macho, like, ever.
35. I love the felling that comes after I've made something out of nothing, which I guess is what art is.
36. I love reading.
37. I try to read at least one book a month.
38. I've always wanted to be a husband and father.
39. I love being a dad.
40. Especially a girl dad.
41. I think My Little Ponies are so well-designed.
42. There's not a bad angle on them - they're beautiful from any point.
43. I like modern art.
44. Meaning: Picasso, Duchamp, Warhol, Rothko, Modigliani, Rauschenberg, Pollack and Hopper, to name a few. Standing in front of a Pollack is a pretty heavy experience. It's like the painting is eating you.
45. I love bookstores, music stores and comic book stores, though that last one depends on the store.
46. I am proud to be a Mormon.
47. I like the idea of trying to be better every day.
48. I have done stupid things in my life.
49. I am a registered Democrat.
50. I don't think that being Mormon and being a Democrat are mutually exclusive.
51. I believe in helping others, being responsible for your actions, and in compromise.
52. I think other people have valid points.
53. I get worked up over nothing.
54. I have written - again, literally - hundreds of poems from the age of 15 until around 23 when I just stopped with no desire to write any more.
55. Some of them are actually not half bad. Some of them are quite bad.
56. I was in a band called the Asthmatics.
57. As long as we're being honest, I was also in a band called, well, Sexual Tobacco (and my Accidental Pervert Traffic is on the rise!).
58. We played in our high-school battle of the bands but lost to Plane Grey, which featured Mark Stoermer who's now in the Killers.

We were totally better.

59. I really like Jack Kerouac, Kurt Vonnegut and Thomas Pynchon's The Crying Of Lot 49.
60. I married an artist.
61. Which is rad.
62. I am afraid of snakes, the dentist and old people. Seriously.
63. Retirement homes make me very nervous. Like "I have to get out of this place before I start screaming uncontrollably," nervous.
64. I was voted "Class Clown" of my high school.
65. I don't think I'm particularly funny.
66. I am a little too organized.
67. Bordering on OCD.
68. I love seeing live music.
69. I like clothes.
70. And shoes.
71. Sometimes I worry that I'm just not butch enough.
72. So I go cut a tree down with an axe. Then I shoot it full of holes. Then I blow the tree up. Then I scrath myself and belch a half-dozen times. That usually solves it.
73. #72 is a total lie. I really just mope about it until Candace tells me that it's okay.
74. Which I love her for.
75. For an incredibly white guy, I have an unhealthy love for the music of James Brown. The man was a genius. May he rest in funky peace.
76. I have seen Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure way too many times.
77. I consider The Goonies to be one of the best films ever produced in modern cinema.
78. Top 10 for sure.
79. I know a lot of random things.
80. Like, seriously, it's kind of weird. And that's coming from me.
81. I like office supplies.
82. People often tell me I look like Conan O'Brien, which is, surprisingly, not very flattering.
83. I think Woody Allen is (was?) a genius.
84. If you doubt it, watch Take the Money and Run and then tell me I'm wrong.
85. If it were, or ever is, possible, I would seriously consider living on another planet. How cool would that be?
86. I waited in line at midnight at Tower Records on Maryland and Flamingo for Pearl Jam's second album, Vs.
87. While I liked growing up in Las Vegas and have alot of history/roots/family there, I would be okay never living there again in my life.
88. I think the Simpsons was the funniest show on television from the fourth season through the eighth season.
89. After that, not so much.
90. That show, Friends, freaking annoys me.
91. We haven't had TV reception in our house for a year.
92. I kind of like it.
93. Someday I will have enough time and money to read everything I want to read, listen to everything I want to listen to and sleep as much as I should.
94. I have a hard time going to sleep before midnight.
95. I am not a morning person.
96. My wife has helped me become a better person. I know it sounds cliche', but it's the honest-to-goodness truth.
97. In the end, I just want to be happy.
98. I know that stuff isn't important. But I like having stuff.
99. I'm glad I am who I am and look forward to becoming who I am becoming.
100. I seriously didn't think I'd manage to squeeze 100 out, but here it is, 100 randmom things about me.

So, there you go. I gave into peer pressure and you know what... it felt good.

*Title from the Shout Out Louds' debut album, Howl Howl Gaff Gaff.

Geek USA

Okay, so I keep feeling the need to apologize for this, so here goes: I watched the new Sci-Fi channel Battlestar Galactica miniseries, the one that feeds into the new series...

And I liked it. Like, a lot.

Now don't misunderstand, it's fairly nerdy sci-fi stuff, (cooler than anything Star Trek related, but still...) but I freaking ate it up. With a doggone spoon.

I remember thinking the 80's series was petty boss, with that robotic dog thing that looked sort of like Barkley from Sesame Street reworked buy the guys who built Robocop, but then again, I was in love with shows like the Dukes of Hazzard, Knight Rider and the Fall Guy, (not to mention the Greatest American Hero, a.k.a.: "That show was awesome!") so I don't know if pre-teen Dylan is a good arbiter of boss-ness. In fact, he wasn't. I'll just settle that here and now.

Basically, this show is Star Wars Lite (the best parts of the classic - starship dogfights - and prequels - political intrigue) with a little bit of Blade Runner/"Second Variety" Phillip K. Dick "What defines someone as 'alive?'" postmodern identity politics thrown in for some complexity. The acting's competent, the writing's slick and the production design is - for a basic cable-produced sci-fi show - pretty impressive.

So, basically, I'm hooked. Season one disc one is next in the queue and well, it's on like Donkey Kong. I'll try not to bore you with any posts about its radness, but, well, I can't promise anything. Now let's go blast some frakkin' Cylons.

Check My Haul *(Boughs Of Holly Not Included)

First off, go vote in the battle of the UnBands. Secondly, it's snowing outside and it's sort of hardcore. The snowflakes are roughly the same size as cornflakes. Delicious. Anyway, let's get down to brass tacks.

So, this post has been waiting to get out for a while. This Christmas, with graduation & all, I made out like a bandit. Yes, The Mister Burt Reynolds himself would have been envious of my Bandit-ness. Here's some of the cool stuff I scored:

First off are these little guys that Candace got for me. She rocked the house this year, as she always does. They're Uni-Po figures that are designed by Unkl and they're awesome. She got them through Rotofugi, one of the better U.S.-based urban vinyl stores (it's in Chicago - Brandt? Have you been?)... maybe even better than KidRobot? I dunno. That's a tough call because KidRobot's pretty cool. I do know that Rotofugi's logo is Abe Lincoln with an eyepatch and that, I can get behind.

Candace also got me this sweet little volume that I've had my eye on for quite some time. I've been obsessed with Luchadores for a while now and this book, which is essentially a photojournal about the whole culture in its native Mexico is quite awesome. Expect to be seeing a homemade lucha shirt sometime soon.

My mom got me this book, which has some pretty cool projects in. It's just like a really big Readymade issue: there are some cool, do-able projects, and a few that make you go, "Well, no thanks." Also, the cover for this thing is cool, with the exposed bookboard. I'm thinking I'll use that idea on either my leave-behind portfolio or the portfolio proper.

My parents also got me this scanner, which I've already sang the praises of here, and it's incredibly cool to have a scanner right there instead of having to go down to campus whenever I needed some scanning done. This thing is super-light, too and draws power esclusively from the USB port, so no power cord to worry about. It's sweet. Anyway.

I also snagged this Xbox from my parent house which had been just sitting there for a while. I picked up some games used for cheap and am now thoroughly engrossed in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: the Sith Lords which I'm sure Candace is sick of by now. It's an RPG which stands for "You Have To Play It Forever In Order To Beat It And I Do Mean Forever Like For Reals."

Additionally, which I didn't get photographed, I got a Speedball silk-screening kit which I'm dying to try out. I'm sort of immersing myself in it before I dip my toes in, but it's exciting to get started learning it, as it's something I've been wanting to know how to do ever since we had a scout sctivity where we silkscreened shirts in out leader's garage.

I also got some iTunes gift cards, which are always a great idea, (thanks to the Brennan's and Russel/Caitlin... you guys rule) which bought me some more albums, because I don't have enough of those. Seriously, my music is out of control. Soon will come the day when I must box up that wall of CD's and it's scaring me.

Anyway, so that's my stuff. I know that stuff isn't what life's all about, really I do, but I just wanted to share my cool stuff with you. Cause we're tight like that.

The Geek Gene

Okay, so I downloaded the new Spider-Man 3 trailer (you can download it for yourself here - Sandman! Black costume! Uh... Topher Grace? Trust me, you won't be sorry) for my iPod the other day, cuz, you know, I'm a nerd like that.

Well later that day, Sadie was driving Candace crazy so I thought, well, I'll show her the trailer. I mean, it's a little movie on a cool little screen, she'll eat it up.

Well she did.

In fact, immediately after watching it, she took off her headphones and started yelling about "Bahduhmahn."

Now you've got to trust me when I tell you that I don't have superhero flash cards that I run her through nightly ("Sorry, Sadie, no treat for you. That was Elongated Man, not Mister Fantastic. Yeah, I know, they both stretch, but..."), so I have no clue how she knew Spider-Man's name. Seriously. I haven't even read a Spider-Man comic since before she was born (Spider totem? Come on, Marvel).

I'm wondering if there's a "Geek Gene," that I've somehow got transferred to her. I mean, will I wake up one day to find her engrossed in the Star Wars trilogy (the O.G. one, boyee! Hey, I'm so old I remember when Greedo didn't shoot first. I'm also so old that I remember when Weezer didn't suck, but that's another post entirely...), or catch her sneaking my X-Men comics? Until then I can only hope that someone will discover a cure because the last thing the world needs is more geeks.

We're a territorial kind.

Wow. I Suck At Blogging - or - Stormtroopers and Scott Pilgrim.

It's been a week or so since my last post. My, how time flies. If you remember, I had posted herethat I was going to post on a few things soon. Those things, if you're playing along at home, were:

"Picked up a few weeks worth of comics. Expect reviews.

On a related note, Free Comic Book Day was Saturday. I will give you an unflinching look into the dark heart of the event.

New episode of Lost as well as the launch of the Alternate Reality Game - The Lost Experience.

Podcasts: are there any good ones?"

Of those four things, how many have I actually posted on? One! Yay! I suck at blogging! Anyway, so it's time to clean up shop, as I'll be out of the Big Red Robot offices for a bit and I don't want to leave any unfinished business behind. So, without further ado, let's chat, shall we?



First off, Free Comic Book Day. Okay, so those are word that, when said together evoke some magic that makes my heart go all thumpitythump. Free Comics?! I am so there that it is not even funny my good sir. It's like that feeling when someone says "free candy," or "free cake." It's like some amazing dream that you have as a kid that has come true some multitude of years later. For anybody that knows me, you know that I loves me some comics, but you also know that I am poor. Poor as dirt I am, so the idea of a day where I can get a number of comics for nothing is, to say the least, very appealing.

Last year, I picked up some really cool stuff, namely the Sharknife one-shot and the Project: Superior sort-of sampler. Interestingly enough, this is the one time of year when I see the shadow of any kind of indy, non-guys-in-capes-and-long-underwear-punching-each-other book. And I loves me some indy books. Don't get me wrong, I'm no Comics Journal-reading comics snob. I like the superbooks as much as the next comics nerd. I just like other stuff as well.

Anyway, so back on task. I showed up about ten, fifteen minutes before I had to get to work, as the snarky kid behind the counter knows my name now that I have a box there and I have to leave a cushion for if he gets talking about something, though today I arrived early because I figured there'd be a bit of a crowd and I wanted to make sure I got my stuff wit henough time to get to work on time. Anyway, so I'm pulling into the parking lot and there are streamers and balloons and...Stormtroopers? Now, the counter kid had mentioned the Star Wars Dress-Up Club would be there, but I figured (hoped?) by the afternoon, they'd be gone. I was wrong.

Now, I love Star Wars. And I love comics. But I have a real problem with the two of them together. They make no sense when placed together. I'm sure that a majority of comics fans are also sci-fi fans, I know I am, but for a comic book event, wouldn't it make more sense to be dressed as a comic book character rather than a haracter from a science fiction film? It's like me dressing up like an astronaut at a car show. They're both modes of transportation, but really, only tenuously related.

Anyway, so I make my way past these guys, trying not to make eye contact with them, and I get my books. The counter kid pulls a Free Scott Pilgrim out of my box because I was a bit wooried they'd under-order tham and I'd be stuck with no SP goodness.

Anyway, here's my roundup: (originally posted over at iFanboy)

Bongo Comics Free-For-All! - Dunno why. I was curious about the Bongo house style and loved Futurama and the Simpsons (back when it was funny...remember those days). Plus, it was free. Pretty dreadful stuff, actually. It was written, I assume, by the type of people who think they're quite clever and keep elbowing you in the ribs and winking after each punch line.

Future Shock - From Image. Snippets from upcoming issues of Fear Agent, G�dland (which is why I picked it up...That book totally owns me), Invincible (which I really need to get around to reading), Noble Causes (makes my head hurt), Savage Dragon (featuring a blatant rip-off of the Super-Skrull) and, uh, Witchblade (no inerest whatsoever). An interesting idea on paper, but the inclusion of only a few out-of-context pages left me confused and didn't whet my appetite at all.

X-Men/Runaways - Skottie Young's art bugs. I have no problem with "cartoony," or "kinetic," art (heck, I love Sharknife to little bitty bits) but to use it well, it has to be used in a proper context, and maybe it's just me, but the X-men just don't seem to fit that style of art. Also, the whole "they meet misunderstand each other and fight and then come to a truce," thing is REALLY played out, especially in Runaways. I dropped this title back at the beginning of teh second series and, well, this didn't make me want to come back, unfortunatley.

The Preposterous Voyages of Ironhide Tom! - Far and away the best thing to come out of FCBD-06. Joel Priddy's brillaint "Onion Jack" strip from the Superior Sampler stole the FCBD-05 show. After thoroughly enjoying that clever dissection of, and love note to, the superhero genre, I honestly would have paid good money for this, the unlikely tales of the child of a "scurvy sailor" and a, uh, typhoon, as he ammasees and loses fortunes and, basically, has a bunch of adventures that straddle the line between myth and ridiculousness. Pure gold.

Free Scott Pilgrim - I [heart] Scott Pilgrim. Seriously, this is one of the best little OGN series out there - a hybrid relationship comic/arcade game that reads a lot better than it sounds. It's a ton of fun. This was a funny little taste of his universe, but admittedly, it's a bit lightweight. Creator Brial Lee O'Malley's website, www.scottpilgrim.com, says vol. 3 is at the printers and should be in your LCS on May 24th, so that's good news. After devouring the first two volumes (vol. one: Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life and vol. two: Scott Pilgrim Versus the World), I've been waiting (not so) patiently for this one: Scott Pilgrim and the Infinite Sadness. Smashing Pumpkins reference? I am so there. If you love Nintendo, love and/or rock&roll, check this out - stat.

Owly: Breakin' the Ice - Man, I so want to like Owly, but it's just a bit too cutesy for me. Still, for kids, it's a decent gateway comic ("get 'em while they're young...") and I admire his use of visuals rather than text to convey the story.


So there you go. Not a bad haul for free. Some genuinely good stuff in there, too. So, one down, two to go. Can I get a "what what?"

My Week of Relaxation Is Over...& Movie Roundup

This last week has been fun. The semester is finally over and I did pretty well. Had a nice visit with my folks last weekend and have been taking it easy this last week.

We went to the Hogle Zoo and did some shopping in Salt Lake (Candace already covered it over here), I worked quite a bit and rested a lot. I'm still trying to shake the feeling that there's some project I should be working on (there isn't), but other than that, I've had a great week.

We've been getting slowly addicted to CleanFlix, a service where they edit the sex and language out of films so they're "safe," or family viewing. Basically, it's an easy way for us to see all of the R-rated movies we've been wanting to see without breaking our streak or seeing/hearing something we don't want or need to hear/see. Personally, I think it's brilliant. So far we've seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (just phenomenal, seriously, I'm in love with this movie) and Garden State (mmmm, I really wanted to love it to bits, but it just doesn't sustain itself through its duration, kind of fizzles out somewhere in the last act).

I was worried it'd be really hokey, like the time I saw the edited version of Pulp Fiction on channel 21 or 33 back in the day. Does anybody else remember how hilarious that was? Anyway, with Eternal Sunshine, it was hard to tell if the edits were going to be awkward because, well the edits are awkward in the film, so Garden State was the litmus test, and it seemed to work alright. Nothing stood out or took you out of the experience, so, yeah, I'm hooked. The short list for upcoming movies (I seriously have been compiling a list in my head of R-rated movies I'd like to see if I ever decided to "go back" to watching them - knowing full well that that probably was never going to happen) looks like: the Squid and the Whale, I [heart] Huckabees, Broken Flowers (I'm a sucker for Bill Murray and Jim Jarmusch, what can I say?), Match Point (I'm a sucker for Woody as well), and I kind of want to see Amelie and Donnie Darko, though I'm not sure if they stock the latter - we'll see.

As long as we're talking movies, I guess I'll do a Netflix Roundup. Starting with the least to most recent, we have:

The Work of Director Spike Jonze - Pretty cool stuff. This music video collection hits all the, uh, "hits,": Chris Walken's mind-blowing dancing in Fatboy Slim's "Weapon of Choice," and the hilarity of "Praise You," the still genius but over-played "Sabotage," Bjork's show-stopping and celebratory "It's Oh So Quiet," Weezer's "Buddy Holly," and "Undone (the Sweater Song)," (the latter of which I still think is a dumb video, but it's well-known), and the Breeder's "Cannonball." There are some clunkers here, as well: the Bad Boy rap videos, the Beastie Boys' "Sure Shot," the aforementioned Weezer video; all of which are so bland that they could have been directed by anybody. Daft Punk's "Da Funk" is an interesting idea that just falls flat, as is Dinosaur Jr.'s "Feel the Pain." This video was more interesting fo me for the videos I hadn't seen or forgotten I'd seen, namely the Pharcyde's "Drop," the Chemical Borthers "Elektrobank," and the positively genius "What's Up Fatlip?" from the Pharcyde's Fatlip. When he's on, Jonze is electric, reminding you that music videos can be more than commercials, more than style experiments or cheap camera tricks - they can be miniature works of art that compliment and elevate the accompanying score. This should be required viewing for anyone interested in working in the usually soulless abyss of music videos. I'd give it an A-.

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington - Didn't watch it because the disc was skipped pretty badly, and it was pan-and-scan, and it was a terrible reproduction. For a film regarded as a "classic," on the cover, this is a poor product to be putting out.

Guided by Voices: Watch Me Jumpstart - Not as interesting as I'd like it to be, this documentary was shot sometime in the mid-90's, featuring the "classic lineup" of the band. Had this been 1998 and had I not just read Jim Greer's Hunting Accidents, which covers a lot of the same ground as this documentary and then some, I might have been a bit more impressed. Still, the mythology of the band is presented: Bob Pollard used to teach elementary school, he writes songs like other people replace skin cells, he records said songs in his basement with his buddies, he's a bit of an egotistical jerk and he likes beer. The live performances are decent, especially the more recent one from Poland I think. The music videos included are, well, terrible (notable exception being the "Glad Girls," video which is the bee's knees, and a kicking song to boot) and the doc itself suffers from art-student-itis, with faux-arty interludes that overstay their welcome. Not the definitive story of the band, but a decent primer. Grade: B-

Sliding Doors - Oh my goodness, a romantic drama set in Hypertime! (Non-comic-book nerds beware, but an expllaination can be found here.) A decent little movie, but nothing to get all worked up about. Paltrow is good and the Scottish guy who plays her love interest is great as well.

Just Friends - In which nobody acts like a normal human being, let alone exudes qualities or personalities that are remotely likeable, but is entertaining even though it falls apart if you look at it sideways. There's some part of me that wants to like Ryan Reynolds, but I don't know if I can get past the smarm! He is smarm made flesh. In this role, it works, though, as I mentioned earlier, he's supposed to be the sympathetic character but is, in actuality, a jerk. Grade: C+

Star Wars: Clone Wars: Vol. 1 - Bryan got me Vol. 2 for Christmas, but I waited to watch them both together. Vol. 1 is the better of the two, mainly because the five-minute episodes allow for fightin' and fightin' only. Seriously, if I want drama and exposition or story, any of that crap, I'll rent some girly movie like Braveheart. For a Star Wars cartoon, I wants me some fightin', and both volumes deliver plenty of that, though the first volume delivered it in greater quantities. Grade (for both): B+

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - A fun little film. Liked the casting, especially Sam Rockwell as Zaphod and Martin Freeman (from the UK version of the Office) as Arthur. The motion pieces that pop up from time-to-time are cool as are the muppets from teh Henson workshop. Clever, witty and ridiculous, just like the source material. Grade: B+

In the Mood for Love - I already gushed about this film here, but it's an A+ all the way.

Good Night, and Good Luck - Another great movie. Well-shot, -scripted, -acted and -paced. Well done. Grade: A

Super Furry Animals: Rings Around the World - Wow, this was a disappointment. The idea is to take the excellent SFA album and pair it with interesting visuals. Well, it was a great idea, but a terrible execution. An overwhelming majority of the pieces are either poorly-made or have nothing to do with the song. The only pieces that really were worth watching were the "Juxtapozed With U," piece and Pete Fowler's (crappily animated) piece for the track that escapes me just now. I'd like to say I enjoyed it, but in the end, it was a letdown. Grade: C-

The Apartment - Wow. This blew me away. Smart, sad and beautiful, this is Billy wilder at the top of his game. The cinematography is excellent, the writing snappy and the acting spotless. Grade: A

The Legend of Zorro - I saw the first Zorro movie on TV a while back, having blown it off as a stupid popcorn movie (which it is, it's just a smart stupid popcorn movie) and was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Plus, I will admit that I kind of think that Antonio Banderas is cool. The sequel continues in the same vein as the original, as it is still dumb fun, but it's a little too all-ages and stretches its plausability a bit too thin. A little less dumb and a little more fun and it would have been killer, but still, not that horrible. Grade: B.