Moonwalker Redux

You want to know what the craziest thing about this statue is:


It's that it's not the weirdest thing Michael Jackson is auctioning off.

You know, I feel sort of wrong for kicking sand in MJ's face, (especially since the news of him selling off a bunch of his crazy stuff is like months old) but man, that dude is totally bat-shiitake-mushroom insane. I hate to say he deserves it, but he sort of deserves it, doesn't he? I mean, if you were accused of molesting children, would you go out and buy like a million lawn statues of naked boys? It's like OJ showing off his pristine collection of decapitated Hummel figures. Does not compute. And furthermore, where does one get *that many* naked boy statues? Does he buy in bulk? Is there a NAMBLA section at Costco that I'm (thankfully) blissfully unaware of?

I mean, how crazy have you become when people remember the good old days when you just collected the bones of disfigured people, hung out with chimpanzees and slept in a iron lung full of oxygen? And its a real shame, because for a while there, MJ was making some great pop music. Now, he's just some pedophile in a surgical mask who looks like an extra from Pokemon and hasn't done anything worthwhile as a human being or an entertainer since (and I'm being generous here) Dangerous. And that was 1991.

And still, he's selling tickets. 50 shows in London sold out. Within hours. It's stuff like that that makes people set themselves on fire in disgust and confusion.

I don't know. Am I right here? Does this bother you like it does me, or am I just a little too wound up today?

This + 3 = D (Hail Caesar)

Okay, so check this out. After this here post, I will have posted a grand total of 497 times. Or, if you're all into Roman numerals that's CDXCVII. In three more posts I will be at 500, or, D. This is epic. Like unto Gilgamesh. Look it up. It's in a book or something.

I have no clue how I will celebrate this momentous occasion, but I will say this: it will be the stuff of legends. Aesop himself will rise from the grave and spin mad tales about this post that will also have some sort of moral. You know, for the kids. It will be the kind of legend that former civilizations built religions around like some guy turning into a swan or a bull and getting his freak on with a mortal lay-day. It will be like the legends of old where the one guy gets all lost in the maze and the minotaur tries to get him and he flies off but gets too close to the sun and falls onto an island and has to hide under a sheepskin from some blinded cyclops while sirens sing and meanwhile dudes are totally trying to lay the mack down on his old lady back home.

Or something like that.

Bottom line: it will be the nadir of my blog posting thus far. A veritable zenith, if you will. It will be fairly boss.

Or I will just post 500 pictures of M.O.D.O.K. Either way, everyone wins.

Seriously though, how should I celebrate? I thought about giving something away, but doesn't that seem a little... backward? It's like my blog birthday. You don't give presents on your birthday, you get presents, right? But who would give me presents? And what would I give people, anyway? Old socks? Cool stickers? A drawering of some sort? I thought about making a list of 500 things but man... that's a lot of things. I also thought of listing my top 500 posts, but... well that would be all of them, wouldn't it? Maybe 500 haikus? 500 words on why I think kung fu is teh radness? 500 reasons why Star Wars is better than Star Trek?

Do you see my dilemma? It is of ( wait for it ) immense proportions. So I pose the question to you, beloved internets: What would you like to see for my 500th post?

"Hail Atlantis!"

So, my buddy and Mostly Funny co-host Ryan Adams is looking at an advertising school in the fabled city of Atlantis. I polled a few citizens to get their reactions to this news. You can read their responses here.

Needless to say, the undersea world is pretty psyched about this possibility. Can you blame them?

Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to interview Roy Scheider or any of the rest of the crew from Seaquest DSV, mainly because it was a reference that approximately no one (except maybe Huston or Bryan) would have got.

I also tried to interview the Little Mermaid, but man, she is a hussy. She's like the Christina (or is it still X-tina? In any case, she's masty) Aguilera of the briny deep. Seriously, is anybody else kind of grossed out that they mention in the movie that she's all of 16 and then that prince dude is all over her?! WTH? And then [spoiler alert!] they get married at the end? And the dad's totally cool with that? Double WTH? Are mer-people the hillbillies of the deep or what? I guess I shouldn't expect much from a race that's basically the result of heavy drinking and fishing*, but come on, she's 16?!

This is another classic example of crack-smoking over at Disney. Did nobody stop for a minute and say, "Wait, should we change this line to say that she's 18? It won't change anything else, bit it makes it a little less creepy. Let's just change that. And... done."?

Anyway, so good luck, Castlerocker. Go rock the big "A". And watch out for the wasps down there, right Chubby Da Choona?

For those of you playing along at home, that was Obscure Pop Culture Reference That Nobody Got #3 (#1- the Donovan reference in the title, #2 - Seaquest DSV, and finally, #3 - a Seaguy reference)... which, according to the Official Blogging Rulebook™ means I am now officially disqualified for this post. I will be sitting in the penalty box until the count of "127-Mississippi." [sigh]

*Bring on the pro-mer-people hate mail! And while we're offending imaginary creatures, have I mentioned that I think that centaurs are filthy, filthy creatures? And don't even get me started on leprechauns...

What's That, Tabitha?

He did? Are you sure? Holy smokes, he did. See! And it's only been, like... three months. Not bad. Anyway, check it out, even though it does contain mention of that most foul of abominations: the centaur.

Filthy creatures.