So, Lost is back and it's as amazing/insane as ever. It's totally insanezing. I mean, this episode was just nuts, with Damon and Carlton finally coming out of the closet and saying, "It's time we just admitted it: this is a totally crazy sci-fi/genre show. Deal with it, America." And that's awesome.
Anyway, some of you may not have seen the episode (cough, Ben, cough) so I can't really discuss the more excellent parts just yet, so I will engage in my other favorite Lost-related activity: theorizing about what the heck is going to happen next. So, what follows are my Lost theories, based on order of probably validity:
10. Everyone on the island is dead and only Haley Joel Osment can see them.
9. Hurley shot J.R. and it was all a dream.
8. Kate has "man parts" and is also Darth Sidious.
7. The mystery of the numbers will be revealed: they are the combination to Al Capone's other secret vault. Geraldo opens it to find Capone's extensive collection of women's wigs. Season six consists of him trying each of them on.
6. The island is actually the Land Before Time and in the last episode all the castaways are eaten by giant bloodthirsty cartoon dinosaurs.
5. Sayid shot JFK and it was not a dream.
4. Through a series of flashbacks, we will learn that Locke is the smoke monster's dad.
3. Walt is half-dolphin. What this means for the show is unknown.
2. The cast captures Widmore and unmasks him to find that he is Old Man Jenkins and he's trying to keep people off of his island and he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those pesky castaways.
1. The Dharma Intitiative killed Laura Palmer.
How about you? You got any theories? Leave 'em below.