Death By Hot Pockets / Killer Dishwashers

So, Lost is back and it's as amazing/insane as ever. It's totally insanezing. I mean, this episode was just nuts, with Damon and Carlton finally coming out of the closet and saying, "It's time we just admitted it: this is a totally crazy sci-fi/genre show. Deal with it, America." And that's awesome.

Anyway, some of you may not have seen the episode (cough, Ben, cough) so I can't really discuss the more excellent parts just yet, so I will engage in my other favorite Lost-related activity: theorizing about what the heck is going to happen next. So, what follows are my Lost theories, based on order of probably validity:

10. Everyone on the island is dead and only Haley Joel Osment can see them.

9. Hurley shot J.R. and it was all a dream.

8. Kate has "man parts" and is also Darth Sidious.

7. The mystery of the numbers will be revealed: they are the combination to Al Capone's other secret vault. Geraldo opens it to find Capone's extensive collection of women's wigs. Season six consists of him trying each of them on.

6. The island is actually the Land Before Time and in the last episode all the castaways are eaten by giant bloodthirsty cartoon dinosaurs.

5. Sayid shot JFK and it was not a dream.

4. Through a series of flashbacks, we will learn that Locke is the smoke monster's dad.

3. Walt is half-dolphin. What this means for the show is unknown.

2. The cast captures Widmore and unmasks him to find that he is Old Man Jenkins and he's trying to keep people off of his island and he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those pesky castaways.

1. The Dharma Intitiative killed Laura Palmer.

How about you? You got any theories? Leave 'em below.


Mr. Feller said...

After trying to watch one episode during the second season I came to the conclusion that the show doesn't really exist and people don't really talk about it, it's just all part of my paranoia . . .

jason quinones said...

i'd tune in if 7 and or 6 would actually happen.

my theory is that the main dude is dreaming all of this and then wakes up to find out he's still in party of five. upon that realization he mercifully kills himself.

Nan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nan said...

Excellent picture. Lost blows my mind...I have no theories but I am glad that they are embracing the insaneness!! The whole time I watch it, my face switches back and forth between wha?? and ohmanthat'sawesome!!

b3n said...

I've seen it now. I'm going to watch it again. That's the good part about always being a day late. I have them forever or until I squeeze all I want out of them.

Also, don't hold back on my account. I know enough to not even log onto the internet until after I've seen the latest episode of Lost or BSG.

Tankgunk said...

I love this entire post! Mostly for the reference to the hot pocket incident, Hurley's shirt, and Land Before Time.