6.13.2007

I Killed Veronica Mars

So, no sooner had I commented on how much I was digging Veronica Mars, that the CW, in another stroke of genius, decided to cancel it.

It's like I have the blogging death-touch. I spread the love for Nextwave, it gets the boot. I spread the love for Lost, ratings dive-bomb. I spread the love for Veronica, literally seconds later, it's canned. What's next? Scott Pilgrim vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together gets delayed indefinitely? LCD Soundsystem dies in a horrible plane crash? Every copy of the incredible Tom Waits Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards album mysteriously disappears? Luchadores are outlawed by the Supreme Court? In some quirk of physics, awesomeness itself ceases to exist? When will this madness end?

So, starting now, I will use these destructive powers for good. I will, from this moment forward devote myself to pimpimg the following things that suck in hopes that my amazing (though sadly useless) power will cause them to wither up and die:

CBS's "comedy" Two & A Half Men
Rachel Ray
90% of all reality television
Comics that will "change the face of the ________ Universe - Forever!"
Avril Lavigne
Paris Hilton (freaking go away)
Justin Timberlake
People who call your house at 11:30 at night during the disappointing Cavs game insisting you stole their cell phone only to have dialed the wrong area code!
The comic book art of Michael "Oh What A Hack Am I" Turner
People who drive Hummers
People who bad-mouth Picasso
Parsley (so useless!)

And finally...

The CW. You suck.

There, my job here is done. Now I can sleep a little sounder, having made the world is a safer place. Until next time, citizen.

***************

In other news, the word "pimping" is, according to Blogger's spell-check, not a word. When reached for a comment, a visibly distraught Snoop Dogg released the following statement: "This is whack. The D-O-Double-Gizzle will not let this obvious slighting of hard-working ballers everywhere by the G-Double-O-Double-Gizzle (Google) stand."

He then smoked a lot of marijuana cigarettes, laughed at a dog who was urinating on a bush and passed out. Upon waking, Mr. Dogg demanded a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and promptly forgot about the whole "pimping" thing.

Reporting from South Central, this is the Big Red Robot wishing you a pleasant evening or whatever. Back to you, Nina Radetich.

3 comments:

b3n said...

Please pimp George Lucas and his directing and script writing abilities.

Ryan Adams said...

Best post ever..volume 1.

War call-outs to Channel 3 reporters.

PS- Mostly Funny is about to become a lot less funny...thanks to me.

cbhoff said...

Dylan, you are one funny individual. I think you and I have a lot in common where our opinions are concerned. Hello, Rachael Ray, PLEASE GO AWAY. I could go on. Thanks for keeping things funny.