I Killed Veronica Mars

So, no sooner had I commented on how much I was digging Veronica Mars, that the CW, in another stroke of genius, decided to cancel it.

It's like I have the blogging death-touch. I spread the love for Nextwave, it gets the boot. I spread the love for Lost, ratings dive-bomb. I spread the love for Veronica, literally seconds later, it's canned. What's next? Scott Pilgrim vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together gets delayed indefinitely? LCD Soundsystem dies in a horrible plane crash? Every copy of the incredible Tom Waits Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards album mysteriously disappears? Luchadores are outlawed by the Supreme Court? In some quirk of physics, awesomeness itself ceases to exist? When will this madness end?

So, starting now, I will use these destructive powers for good. I will, from this moment forward devote myself to pimpimg the following things that suck in hopes that my amazing (though sadly useless) power will cause them to wither up and die:

CBS's "comedy" Two & A Half Men
Rachel Ray
90% of all reality television
Comics that will "change the face of the ________ Universe - Forever!"
Avril Lavigne
Paris Hilton (freaking go away)
Justin Timberlake
People who call your house at 11:30 at night during the disappointing Cavs game insisting you stole their cell phone only to have dialed the wrong area code!
The comic book art of Michael "Oh What A Hack Am I" Turner
People who drive Hummers
People who bad-mouth Picasso
Parsley (so useless!)

And finally...

The CW. You suck.

There, my job here is done. Now I can sleep a little sounder, having made the world is a safer place. Until next time, citizen.


In other news, the word "pimping" is, according to Blogger's spell-check, not a word. When reached for a comment, a visibly distraught Snoop Dogg released the following statement: "This is whack. The D-O-Double-Gizzle will not let this obvious slighting of hard-working ballers everywhere by the G-Double-O-Double-Gizzle (Google) stand."

He then smoked a lot of marijuana cigarettes, laughed at a dog who was urinating on a bush and passed out. Upon waking, Mr. Dogg demanded a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and promptly forgot about the whole "pimping" thing.

Reporting from South Central, this is the Big Red Robot wishing you a pleasant evening or whatever. Back to you, Nina Radetich.


b3n said...

Please pimp George Lucas and his directing and script writing abilities.

Ryan Adams said...

Best post ever..volume 1.

War call-outs to Channel 3 reporters.

PS- Mostly Funny is about to become a lot less funny...thanks to me.

cbhoff said...

Dylan, you are one funny individual. I think you and I have a lot in common where our opinions are concerned. Hello, Rachael Ray, PLEASE GO AWAY. I could go on. Thanks for keeping things funny.