Tombstones & Tent Poles

If you've heard SMRJMZ (it's not too late to get your copy), then you've heard Japandroids' "Young Hearts Spark Fire," which pretty much whips the werewolf's butt with a belt. See for yrself:


Think about that chorus for a second.

"We used to dream/Now we worry about dying." Daaaang. That's one of the truest things I've heard in a long time.

So yeah, I hereby decree: "More dreaming, less stressing." Who's with me?

In Memoriam

It is with a heavy heart that we announce the passing of a beloved friend and gadget, but you should know that my iPod died in its sleep this morning after a weeks long battle with it being all weird, corrupting files and dropping songs and whatnot.


This iPod has been a good friend and companion ever since he joined our family over three years ago. With his ample disk space and impeccable "shuffle" function, he was a boon to me and my family on road trips, morning commutes, study sessions and many school projects and papers. I will always treasure the time we spent together sequencing mixtapes, driving to Idaho Falls and Las Vegas from Rexburg and shuttling files to and from work. Vaya con Dios, mi amigo...

The iPod is survived by me, but just barely. Services will be held every time I go to listen to music when I'm not at home and can't because it has died and is gone. Forever.

Memorial contributions can be sent to me cuz I'm broke and can't afford to get a new one right now.

Sic transit gloria.

*******

Also, did you hear the Taco Bell chihuahua died? I wonder who #3's gonna be? Hopefully it's that dude from those Alltel commercials, Chad. I hate that dude.

Please...

Can Dane Cook please walk in front of a moving bus? Please? Dude is just A. Nnoy. Ying. I watched about 35 seconds of the Teen Choice Awards (after which my brains started screaming and I came to the conclusion that there is no hope for the future. None at all.) and realized that Dane Cook is the funniest guy Dane Cook knows.

Just look at him, isn't he just begging to be run down?

If you should happen to see him crossing the street while you're driving... well, I'm sure you'll know what to do. (***hint: It rhymes with "Push your foot all the way down on the gas pedal. Back up. Repeat."***)

Who Would Win In A Fight...

Michael Knight

{or}

The Greatest American Hero.

Please explain why in 100 words or less. No copying your neighbor's answers. Cheaters will be beaten with a bar of soap in a tube sock and forced to watch every episode of Designing Women in a tub full of leeches while they groom Burt Reynolds' mustache and that annoying Avril Lavigne song (which one? There's too many to choose from!) plays full blast in the next room on a loop.

Forever and ever and ever, amen.

Because I am unforgiving when it comes to cheaters. It's sort of my shtick.

The test begins... NOW!

Crazy For Swayze

I just watched Roadhouse because there was nothing else on. I will say this: Roadhouse is easily the best movie ever made. It is why Isaac Newton, Isaac Asimov, Isaac Brock and Chris Isaak got together in their secret underground lair - the Isaackave - and invented the movie camera. It is why salmon swim upstream. It is why the sky is blue and why birds sing. It is like Walker, Texas Ranger on crack cocaine. Also, Sam Elliott is in it, which makes it 100 times better. Mathematically speaking, this makes it roughly 10 trillion times better than any movie. Ever. Basically, it's Citizen Kane. With kicking. And tight sweat pants. And mullets, sweet sassy molassey, the mullets in this movie are amazing.

Don't believe me? See for yourself:

Seriously. This movie is awesome. This I swear. If you can name me a better movie, I will not believe you. Because you are lying.

This Is Why I Read Comics

From the latest issue of the Immortal Iron Fist, issue six. I vow to use "Less talking. More kicking." in casual conversation more often.

Brubaker, Fraction and Aja (as well as the guest flashback artists) have been knocking it out of the park with this series. If you love kicking, stuff blowing up and overpowering pulp hero action, this is the book for you. The first trade's out soon. Don't miss it. Or I will be forced to one-inch punch you in the Adam's apple. For reals.

I Killed Veronica Mars

So, no sooner had I commented on how much I was digging Veronica Mars, that the CW, in another stroke of genius, decided to cancel it.

It's like I have the blogging death-touch. I spread the love for Nextwave, it gets the boot. I spread the love for Lost, ratings dive-bomb. I spread the love for Veronica, literally seconds later, it's canned. What's next? Scott Pilgrim vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together gets delayed indefinitely? LCD Soundsystem dies in a horrible plane crash? Every copy of the incredible Tom Waits Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards album mysteriously disappears? Luchadores are outlawed by the Supreme Court? In some quirk of physics, awesomeness itself ceases to exist? When will this madness end?

So, starting now, I will use these destructive powers for good. I will, from this moment forward devote myself to pimpimg the following things that suck in hopes that my amazing (though sadly useless) power will cause them to wither up and die:

CBS's "comedy" Two & A Half Men
Rachel Ray
90% of all reality television
Comics that will "change the face of the ________ Universe - Forever!"
Avril Lavigne
Paris Hilton (freaking go away)
Justin Timberlake
People who call your house at 11:30 at night during the disappointing Cavs game insisting you stole their cell phone only to have dialed the wrong area code!
The comic book art of Michael "Oh What A Hack Am I" Turner
People who drive Hummers
People who bad-mouth Picasso
Parsley (so useless!)

And finally...

The CW. You suck.

There, my job here is done. Now I can sleep a little sounder, having made the world is a safer place. Until next time, citizen.

***************

In other news, the word "pimping" is, according to Blogger's spell-check, not a word. When reached for a comment, a visibly distraught Snoop Dogg released the following statement: "This is whack. The D-O-Double-Gizzle will not let this obvious slighting of hard-working ballers everywhere by the G-Double-O-Double-Gizzle (Google) stand."

He then smoked a lot of marijuana cigarettes, laughed at a dog who was urinating on a bush and passed out. Upon waking, Mr. Dogg demanded a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and promptly forgot about the whole "pimping" thing.

Reporting from South Central, this is the Big Red Robot wishing you a pleasant evening or whatever. Back to you, Nina Radetich.