Interviewing With the Starz! - John Kendall

John Kendall is a myth. Well, mythic at least. He's the sort of person who, had he walked among the ancient Greeks, would have had epic poems written about him about how he wrestled the wind or had a baby with a swan or killed a minotaur with the jawbone of a whale or something. The bottom line is that he's a pretty cool guy. John and I met at BYU-I. He blogs here where sometimes, if the wind is just right, he posts paintings of salty old sea dawgz. Here's his interview:



Name: John Kendall

Hometown: I don't really know anymore...

Occupation: Graphic Designer

Favorite type of donut:
Gotta be the Jelly Filled. Raspberry, please!

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
Well, I'm not particularly allergic to bees. It would probably take a swarm of bees so thick it would blot out the sun to kill a normal person. I would totally want to see that happen, even if it meant being at the center of the swarm.

Second pick is the shark. I like the idea of drowning and being torn to pieces at the same time. It's like two for one deal. The BOGO of deaths.

Bears are just terrifying. I'd probably be dead long before he got his chompers on me.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
"Feeling yourself Disintegrate" by the Flaming Lips.

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Probably The Royal Tenenbaums.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
On an expansive ranch in the jungle coastal range of central Brazil. It will over look hundreds of miles of mountains and banana trees. All of which I own. Including 17 islands in the surrounding area. There will be incredible fruit and berries year round and Llamas for transportation. I will wear a loose cotton tunic and no one will make fun of me. I will have a swimming pool shaped like Paul Rand's face. There's a pretty killer guesthouse, if you'd like to visit. But you have to wear a tunic.

Or L.A.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
I don't really care as long as there is a glaring typo on it.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Please. Marx Brothers. Did you know that Groucho's moustache wasn't even real? That is pure Hollywood movie magic! Suck on that, Industrial Light and Magic!!

What three TV shows can you not miss?
The Office/30 Rock (come on ... they're back to back! It only counts as one show, right?), Chuck, The Mighty Boosh.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
The SBD. If you're going to cut one in public, at least have the decency to warn us of what's coming!

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Michael Jackson. But in my defense, I thought he was Michelle Jackson...

Wow. That's just ... wow. Well, I admire your candor.
What have I got to lose?

Nothing really, it's just the internet. It's not real. It's like the Matrix.
That's what I figure.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1. I'll bet that guy could fold steel like butter with that finely tuned bicep/tricep combo!
2 I'd really like to buy that guy an iPhone!
3. That guy looks like my worst nightmare on performance-enhancing drugs! (This one only applies to people that I don't want around: criminals, those people that stand on street corners and try to get you to give money to save the salmon - just Oregon? - etc.)
4. That guys know lots of different ways to make fire!
5. Even though he's super tall, I'll be he's no good at basketball. I don't think I'll pester him about joining a church team...

You know, my first impression of you was "I bet that guys know lots of different ways to make fire."
Really? I'm so happy!

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. There's a 90% chance that I'm dyslexic.
2. Or at least ADHD.
3. I really have no idea what's going on most of the time.

The Stones or the Who?
Stones, I guess. I don't really have a solid opinion on this one.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
Probably being able to breath under water. Then I could walk all the way around the world. I probably wouldn't, because that would be pretty pointless. But I COULD do it, if I wanted to.

What is the deal with airline food?
I think it's there to distract you from the fact that you could at any second drop from the sky like a terrifying, flaming, explody stone! (I just started watching Lost, can you tell?)

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
Some day I will build a house out of bales of hay.

Most embarassing moment ever. Go!
Last year the tire on my road bike exploded on a crowded commuter train. I think the lady next to me peed herself. Turns out people don't appreciate loud explosions as a part of their morning commute.

Who knew?

*******

And another great installment of IWTSz! comes to a close. Until next week, cats & kittens.