Interviewing With the Starz! - Chanel Adams

This week's interviewee is Chanel Adams, or as I like to call her, "Mommommommommommomom." Or "Mmo" for short. Chanel's married to this white dude. We go way back, like babies to pacifiers. (ODB reference, yo!) If you don't know Chanel, I feel for you. Really I do.


Name: Chanel, or Mommommommommommomom as I am often called.

Hometown: Sin City, baby

Occupation: Fulfiller of my divine nature.

Favorite type of donut: All of ‘em, just bring it!

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
This deep question deserves deeper investigation. One must contemplate where one would be in these dire situations. Mauled by a bear… surroundings would be somewhere naturey, yeah no thanks. If I am going to be somewhere “fun” it pretty much is gonna not include WILDlife, especially man-eating wildlife.

Stung by bees: This is tricky. Bees are in lots of places. But did you see the movie My Girl with my favorite actor of all time, Macaulay Culkin? That is the vision I get of being stung to death by bees. Seeing as I don’t live in the 60’s I guess that’s out.

Which leaves the sharks. Either I'm in Vegas at the shark reef and my worst nightmare has been realized and the glass floor I'm standing on has broke and the shark is all, “Sucka!” OR some shark has grown legs and is eating me on shore cause I ain’t even going in no ocean with sharks, in which case he deserves the meal, cause growing legs when you’re a shark is HARD STUFF!

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
"Sweet Happy Life," by Peggy Lee

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Lucky Penny

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
Traveling with our family. Just being financially free to go and do and experience all this amazing world has to offer. (Within the confines of the teachings of the Church, of course)

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
"That’s hot."

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
ugh

What three TV shows can you not miss?
1. Grey's
2. Lost
3. Wife Swap. JUST KIDDING, that is the most ridiculous, asinine show ever! Do they really have to get mad at each other every week? Have they not watched the show before they CHOOSE to do this and know that they are going to get paired up with a psycho, only the complete opposite of the psychoticness of their own lives!

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of your wrist, what would it be and why?
Neighbors that send their kids to poop at your house. Do I really need to explain why?

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Matthew Leapold in kindergarten. He painted me a walnut shell for Christmas and made it into an ornament. I still have it.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1. That I really try my best to be my best
2. That I'm not always my best and I feel bad about it
3. That my family means the world to me
4. How grateful I am for the true miracles in my life
5. I will always tell it how it is

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. My political beliefs classify me
2. How much I like bad smells
3. I abuse my husband

The Stones or the Who?
The only reason I even understand this question is because I am married to Ryan Adams. He has helped develop my ear so I can tell bands apart, but honestly I never under my own free will ever listen to music.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
I wanna be like the Lost people and travel through time. I don’t understand it, but when Miles saw himself as a baby (how did they both exists at the same time???) that was cool. I would like to talk to my childhood self and I would like to be able to hold my babies again and I would try to advise myself to not eat that extra candy bar/cookies/brownies/giant humongous milkshake!


What is the deal with airline food?
Yeah right? I mean they can’t spare a WHOLE can of soda? I have to share it with my entire aisle because lets face it, they sure are generous with the ice. But I do enjoy me some honey-roasted peanuts and the Ritz Crisps are a nice surprise especially when the kiddos are along for the ride. Nothing like 55 million crushed crackers all over you when you land. Can you tell I only fly Southwest?

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
To get one freakin' person to vote for Obama. Seriously, how was the decision THAT hard?

Most embarrassing moment ever. Go!
Dropping the “F” bomb while entering Ryan’s Bravo truck, only to realize his Dad was driving instead of him. Way to make an impression on my future father-in-law.

*******

Oh man. Gold. Pure gold.

Interviewing With the Starz! - Christopher Lynn

This week's Interviewing session is with Chris Lynn. Chris is the director for Spaces and is also a black belt in Settlers Of Catan. He can trade wheat like a champ.


Name: Christopher Lynn

Hometown: Orem, UT (Born at Langley Air Force Base, Virginia)

Occupation: Executive Director of SPACES (a contemporary art venue in the Cleve!)

Favorite type of donut: Pistachio dough with custard filling and coconut sprinkles. I just made that up, and it will be awesome if I ever make it.

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
I’ll take all three. We live in America after all! More is better.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
4’ 33” by John Cage

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
¡Three Amigos!


If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
The where doesn’t matter to me too much. I just want to live it with my family.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
Christopher Lynn (b. 1974 – d. 2150)

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
I’m a Marxist

What three TV shows can you not miss?
Battlestar Galactica (R.I.P.), 30 Rock, Psych

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
Capitalism. Yeah, that’s working out well for us.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Arian Finch, 3rd grade, Mr. Paul’s class, Orchard Elementary School, Orem, UT.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1. My name (FAME! I’m gonna’ live forever!)
2. I never learned to count past two

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. My name
2. I never learned to count past two

The Stones or the Who?
The Stones.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
When I get very, very angry, I will smell of watermelon. I figure that if I was ever bestowed with a super-power it would turn out to be completely useless.

What is the deal with airline food?
What is this airline food of which you speak? Do they offer such a thing?

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
Becoming a child prodigy.

Most embarrassing moment ever. Go!
I don’t really get embarrassed very easily anymore. Maybe in high school when I took Emily Larsen on a date (one of the few dates I ever went on in high school), I thought I would be suave and sophisticated by taking her to a movie at the International Cinema. I got the show times mixed-up and the light-hearted French romantic comedy turned out to be a bleak Polish film involving a woman being drowned while rats ate her alive. No other dates with Emily Larsen followed.

*******

Will we have another interview next week? Who knows?!

Interviewing With the Starz! - Misty Johnson

Today's interviwee is Misty Johnson. We go to church together. She is not boring. Take it away, Misty...



Name: Misty Allred Johnson

Hometown: Redondo Beach, California

Occupation: Slave, I mean, homemaker.

Favorite type of donut: That’s a hard one. I like chocolate glazed but a good spud nut is hard to turn down.

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
Probably mauled by a bear. It would be over rather quickly and you wouldn’t drown in the process, which is a big personal fear.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
"Wise Up," by Aimee Mann

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
That’s a toss-up between So I Married An Axe Murderer and A Christmas Story. There are so many good movies out there so I reserve the right to change my mind.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how? I would live in a warm, quasi-urban place with a good foodie scene.
It will probably be San Diego eventually anyway. As far as how I would live out my days, I would read in the warm shade, visit farmer’s markets, travel, have lots of dinner parties for friends, go to the temple, play cards, audit interesting college classes, and visit with my family. Pretty boring – and selfish, no?

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry; I'm not going to kill you)
Onion, tomato, and mushroom. Oh, you mean my actual burial tombstone?! We’re dreaming here so: Loyal friend, amazing mother, and the best wife a man could dream of.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
The Three Stooges, although Richard Marx has had a few good songwriting gigs. Who knew he had brothers?!

What three TV shows can you not miss?
Back before DVR and it was still on the air, it was Gilmore Girls. For current shows I enjoy House, 30 Rock, and How I Met Your Mother. I always enjoy Barefoot Contessa and The Closer is becoming a favorite.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
Anything having to do with the plights of children, be it poverty, abuse, hunger, sickness, access to education.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Peter Ryan in the first grade. He had nice legs. I won’t even comment on the Karate Kid fiasco in the fourth grade.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
Pretty boring but here they are…
1. I’m a great wife, mother, friend, and cook.
2. I have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ.
3. I have a knack for remembering names.
4. I’m a pretty decent editor with regard to grammar, spelling, and punctuation. (Is that weird?)
5. Calling me a liar in all seriousness is probably one of the biggest, if not the biggest, things you could do to piss me off.

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. I talk too much.
2. I’m not very good at keeping the house tidy and clean.
3. I’m boring.

The Stones or the Who? Who?
Sorry, not a big fan of either. There are a few old, old Stones songs I like but Mick has always bugged me.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
This one’s tricky. It’s probably not seen as a superpower per se but I think I would have to go with ultimate patience. Believe me; even on a good day most parents would agree with me that it’s a superpower.

What is the deal with airline food?
I have never figured this one out, though the food on Air France and Air Tahiti Nui have never disappointed. Don’t ask my husband though, he never eats airline food.

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
I wanted to be a performer when I was younger. At one point I wanted to be a circus clown but the dreams ranged from gymnast to singer to dancer. I would probably settle for having a walk-on role in a movie or on TV.

Most embarrassing moment ever. Go!
Well, peeing my pants out of sheer need in front of a lot of people when I was eleven still stings.

*******

Well played, Johnson. Who's next? No one is safe. Next week, cats & kittens.

PS: If you want in and haven't received a questionnaire, let me know and I will hook you up. Otherwise, I'll have to start interviewing myself and that could get weird.

Interviewing With the Starz! - Ben Todd

"Dude, what happened? It's been like two Tuesdays and no Interviewing With the Starz! Are you okay? Did you fall in the shower or something and couldn't move and nobody knew you were hurt because you were too cheap to get that Medic Alert thingy? Those things save lives, man. Seriously, are you okay?"

Yes. I am okay. I am very okay. I'm still trying to figure out what I can blog about. If you have any suggestions on things I should be pontificating about, feel free to give them to me. I will gobble them up , digest them and turn them into, figuratively speaking, rad crap.

Anyway, to make up for not posting interviews, I'll post one today and one tomorrow. Also, if there are any questionnaires out there that need filling out, finish them up and get them back to me. And if I don't have a provided picture of you, I will use the internet to get one of you and will ensure it will not be flattering. You have been warned.

Today's interview is with my cousin, Ben. We are cousins. We cuz.


Name: Benjamin Graham (pronounced Greyhame, because I am a wizard of the grey. Not really it’s pronounced gram. Like graham-cracker. Just ask anyone from elementary school) Todd

Hometown: Originally from Las Vegas but I left there when I was 14 years old and grew up in Orem, Utah. That’s where I got in most of my trouble. Now living in Lehi, Utah.

Occupation: I am a Digital Subscriber Line Technical Advisor and Screener. Or a tech support guy. More importantly, I’m going to school to be a mechanical engineer and no longer be a tech support guy. But tell that to my family. Because I will always be their tech support guy.

Favorite type of donut: Well, if you’re in a front wheel drive car, then you have to do donuts in reverse because they just plain don’t work in forwards. And that makes me a little queazy. So I’m going to go with rear wheel drive donuts. But in the snow. Not the rubber-burning kind. You can’t get that smell out of your clothes!

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
Stung by bees. I have a romanticized vision of being stung into numbness and then fading into eternity. I bet that I wouldn’t go numb though, so then I’d rather be almost drowning (which is what I’m scared of most) and then see a bear riding a shark and they see me and high-five each other and then, well, it’s bear maulin’ shark eatin’ time.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
“Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?”

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Oh geez. Well I got kids, so I’ve been there. I handled the live version of Speed Racer for nigh onto six months. But honestly, I’d say Castaway with the ever loveable Tom Hanks. Because:
1) He’s not being Forrest Gump
2) The sound of waves for three hours I think anyone can handle
3) Bosom Buddies, man!

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
A rock, an Island. Oh wait, this isn’t the song question? I want to live on the ocean. If I stay stateside, then I’d live out my days quite easily in southern Oregon/Northern California. I’ve been to Hawaii and that would do quite nicely as well. I want to stay in America because we’ve got a middle class and guns.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you)
Dude, if tombstones start reading then I think the 1300 page version of Les Miserables should be required reading for anything. Including you, internets.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
The Marx Brothers. But don’t let McCarthy hear me say it. I’ve spent enough time in front of a grand jury.

What three TV shows can you not miss?
Lost, Survivor (since season two: represent!), Flight of the Conchords.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
Actors who think they should start bands. Right after that is the CAPSLOCK KEY ON SOME PEOPLE’S EMAILS. AND SMILEYS ;-) AND EXTRA !!!!!!!’s AND ???????’s AND LOL AND J/K AND THE WAY PEOPLE THINK THEY CAN THROW THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE OUT THE WINDOW WHEN THEY TXT N’ STUFF.
Trite? I think not, sir.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Samantha on Who’s the Boss?

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
I really do care.

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
Gosh, I guess I don’t care.

The Stones or the Who?
Hendrix, man.

Freaking hippie.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
The ability to tell people to stop talking with their mouths without having to say anything. Just think it and POOF, no more words out of your mouth you.

What is the deal with airline food?
I would have capitalized the a and f in Airline Food. Why? Do I want people to read stuff that I write and know what I think is Important?

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
Jumping straight into space. From the ground. Without my jetpack, I mean.

Most embarassing moment ever. Go!
See the question about what I’m terrified of or whatever...

Honestly, don’t you think this interview has gone on long enough? Why do you need to pry like this? My guy said these would be softball questions. You’re not even wearing pants! And we’re all laughing at you! And you have nowhere to go because the doors have all disappeared! And now you can’t talk because your mouth is gone and you look like that girl on that Twilight Zone movie who didn’t have a mouth because it was gone! And we’re still laughing at you and, no, you cannot be in our book of the month club.

*******

Brutal, right? Come back tomorrow for more Interviewing With the Starz! Who will live, who will die? Tune in to find out.

Interviewing With the Starz! - Allen TenBusschen

This week's interview is with Allen TenBusschen. Yes, that's really his last name. I had some classes with this kid. He's a good egg, even if he did forsake graphic design for (gag!) illustration. Keep an eye on this guy, he's going places. He blogs here. He looks like this:


Take it away, Tenbu...

Name: Allen Charles TenBusschen

Hometown: Kalamazoo, Michigan

Occupation: College Student, hopefully forever.

Favorite type of donut: Long John with the creme in it.

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
Oh a bear in a second. I hate bees. They are awful and I saw My Girl, I don't need that kind of drama. I think bears are pretty much awesome, and I think there was an episode of the Simpsons, where a certain town formed a bear patrol. Hopefully though it would become a Lifetime movie, like where my wife beat me and the bear took me out of my misery.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
"New Slang" The Shins. In all honesty this is like one of those questions that can be answered truthfully with a different song at any point in your life.


If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
The Shawshank Redemption

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
Someplace where the view was as epic as Alaska, but was 72 degrees year round. Or a real place, like Portland Oregon. I love that town.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you) "Dylan actually killed me."
"Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Remains Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship" - I think that is actually what I am going to get put on it. Sums it all up.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Marx Brothers

What three TV shows can you not miss?
30 Rock, Scrubs.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
I don't remember her name, but I have a yearbook from elementary school somewhere with a girl with hearts drawn around her, but back when it really mattered, like 6th grade. Chelsea Frazier. Oh yeah, I had a huge crush on her for like ever.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
That I am not actually a pr*ck, even though I pretend to be one on occasion.
Total nerd, maybe not as awesome as Dylan but close.
I hate Slasher/Horror movies, but I am super afraid of Ghost.
I have thought about becoming a history teacher many times. I love history.
Also a geologist. For some reason I love geology.

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
I totally can't fight, I haven't been in a fight since like 7th grade.
I am super jealous of good typographers
Probably the worst speller on the planet.


The Stones or the Who?
The Kinks

NOT AN OPTION!

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
Aquaman sucks, so no water ones. I think I would have Wolverine's super healing. It sounds kind of crappy but he has lived like forever and through about everything, plus then I could talk trash to anyone and not be worried about being killed, or stabbed on a subway. And yeah, I would get some sweet action with claws.

What is the deal with airline food?
Never actually eaten airplane food


What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
To become an awesome singer, and then use that to escape Austria when the Nazi's invade, wait... Seriously though, I would love to be able to learn how to sing or play the harp. That would be awesome.

Most embarrassing moment ever. Go!
My life is just a series of these.

In 9th grade we had to make a presentation for class, our group decided to make a commercial, so I went about filming it, and my brothers helped me out. So we made a short movie and about halfway through it my other brother ran into the set and mooned us. This made it on the film of course. The commercial was re-shot right after this, but it was like 3 in the morning, so we called it good, it sucked, but whatever.

The next day before class I watched "Our Masterpiece" and realized that my brother mooning the camera was right before our commercial. We didn't record over it like we had thought, we had recorded right after it. So needless to say when I got to class I told my group, and we didn't want to fail so we tried to queue up the tape to the commercial, but that didn't happen.

So in front of my whole class I showed a video of my brother's butt, and man I didn't live that down for years.

*******

& that's a wrap. Until next week, folks.

Interviewing With the Starz! - Christina Brinkerhoff

This week's victimmmer I mean interviewee is Christina B. We went to school together. She blogs here. She's married to my buddy Brandt, who blogs here. I slept on their couch on my way out to Cleveland a couple years back where they showed me around Chicago and filled me so full of deep dish pizza that I thought I was going to die (in a good way). Take it away, C.B.:


Name: Christina B.

Hometown: League City, TX

Occupation: Account Manager

Favorite type of donut:
Raspberry filled if from Shipley's or Bowtie if from Dunkin Donuts

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
D- None of the above. I've been thinking about this one for days. Those are all awful ways to go. I prefer in my sleep, thank you very much. What kind of demented person comes up with those scenarios?

Um, me?

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
Really hard to answer. I don't really listen to music so I can't think of a good one but I would have to say maybe something old and classic, none of this Brittney Spears or Aaron Carter stuff.

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
It would probably be Dr. Seuss's: The Butter Battle Book. It's a trip and it teaches a good lesson. War on toast … brilliant.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
I would live on a transatlantic cruise ship. That way I could eat really tasty and really fancy food, see hundreds of different places and never have to pack my things up.

What would you like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
I would want mine to say, "See you soon!"

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Ummm… Who are the Marx Brothers again?

What three TV shows can you not miss?
Lost! The Office! My Name is Earl!

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
People smacking gum or food because this is one of the most annoying things in the world to me. By eradicating this I would be a lot nicer of a person riding the train in the morning and doesn't the world need that?

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Brian from 3rd grade. I don't even remember his last name but I chose him to be on my basketball team in P.E. because he was hot and awesome at basketball. We won, by the way. Undefeated.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
That I'm funny, that I'm skinny (well, not while I'm pregnant) that I make good food, that I'm fun to be around and that I'm not vain :)

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
That I am scared of:
1.Vampires
2.Dead people and
3.People hiding in my apartment

Hold on, I'm just making note: "Dress up like a dead vampire and hide in Christina's closet. This will scare the living bejeepers out of her." There. Okay next question: The Stones or the Who?
Since that's not really my flavor I'm going to say the Who because I know that they do the intro theme songs to the C.S.I. shows and I used to watch the C.S.I. shows. I don't anymore because I made a deal with God that if I stopped watching those shows He would help me to have better dreams and be less scared being alone and the dark. So far I've kept my part of the bargain and He's done a pretty good job too. There was that time when I thought it might be okay to watch it for 1 minute and a dude ended up getting decapitated during that one minute. Never again … never again. Does that answer your question?

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
The ability to breathe under water because I've had many dream where I am trying to escape from a bad guy and am hiding under the water. I always think when I'm in the water that I can't come up for air because he might find me and then all of a sudden, when I think I can't hold my breathe any more and I succumb to breathing in water and drowning, I can breathe! It's the best feeling ever.

What is the deal with airline food?
What do you mean? I've only had it twice and it was good the first time and only bad the second because they ran out of chicken and only had fish right before it was my chance to choose. Plus, you can't be picky … it's not like they have a full kitchen in the back to make you a fancy meal. Frozen food is frozen food.

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
To open my very own bakery. I would have beautifully tasty cupcakes that only cost $2 instead of $4, I'd have HUGE muffins with HUGE berries, I'd have cheesecake tarts with raspberry sauce, I'd have oatmeal chocolate chip cookies- always just out of the oven, I'd have warm bread with honey … mmm … That would be awesome.

Most embarrassing moment ever. Go!
Now if it was so embarrassing that it was the embarrassing moment why would I announce it to the world (yes, the world reads this blog). Sorry, that moment is staying with me and the 4 people who witnessed it.

*******

And there you have it.

Interviewing With the Starz! - John Kendall

John Kendall is a myth. Well, mythic at least. He's the sort of person who, had he walked among the ancient Greeks, would have had epic poems written about him about how he wrestled the wind or had a baby with a swan or killed a minotaur with the jawbone of a whale or something. The bottom line is that he's a pretty cool guy. John and I met at BYU-I. He blogs here where sometimes, if the wind is just right, he posts paintings of salty old sea dawgz. Here's his interview:



Name: John Kendall

Hometown: I don't really know anymore...

Occupation: Graphic Designer

Favorite type of donut:
Gotta be the Jelly Filled. Raspberry, please!

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
Well, I'm not particularly allergic to bees. It would probably take a swarm of bees so thick it would blot out the sun to kill a normal person. I would totally want to see that happen, even if it meant being at the center of the swarm.

Second pick is the shark. I like the idea of drowning and being torn to pieces at the same time. It's like two for one deal. The BOGO of deaths.

Bears are just terrifying. I'd probably be dead long before he got his chompers on me.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
"Feeling yourself Disintegrate" by the Flaming Lips.

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Probably The Royal Tenenbaums.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
On an expansive ranch in the jungle coastal range of central Brazil. It will over look hundreds of miles of mountains and banana trees. All of which I own. Including 17 islands in the surrounding area. There will be incredible fruit and berries year round and Llamas for transportation. I will wear a loose cotton tunic and no one will make fun of me. I will have a swimming pool shaped like Paul Rand's face. There's a pretty killer guesthouse, if you'd like to visit. But you have to wear a tunic.

Or L.A.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
I don't really care as long as there is a glaring typo on it.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Please. Marx Brothers. Did you know that Groucho's moustache wasn't even real? That is pure Hollywood movie magic! Suck on that, Industrial Light and Magic!!

What three TV shows can you not miss?
The Office/30 Rock (come on ... they're back to back! It only counts as one show, right?), Chuck, The Mighty Boosh.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
The SBD. If you're going to cut one in public, at least have the decency to warn us of what's coming!

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Michael Jackson. But in my defense, I thought he was Michelle Jackson...

Wow. That's just ... wow. Well, I admire your candor.
What have I got to lose?

Nothing really, it's just the internet. It's not real. It's like the Matrix.
That's what I figure.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1. I'll bet that guy could fold steel like butter with that finely tuned bicep/tricep combo!
2 I'd really like to buy that guy an iPhone!
3. That guy looks like my worst nightmare on performance-enhancing drugs! (This one only applies to people that I don't want around: criminals, those people that stand on street corners and try to get you to give money to save the salmon - just Oregon? - etc.)
4. That guys know lots of different ways to make fire!
5. Even though he's super tall, I'll be he's no good at basketball. I don't think I'll pester him about joining a church team...

You know, my first impression of you was "I bet that guys know lots of different ways to make fire."
Really? I'm so happy!

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. There's a 90% chance that I'm dyslexic.
2. Or at least ADHD.
3. I really have no idea what's going on most of the time.

The Stones or the Who?
Stones, I guess. I don't really have a solid opinion on this one.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
Probably being able to breath under water. Then I could walk all the way around the world. I probably wouldn't, because that would be pretty pointless. But I COULD do it, if I wanted to.

What is the deal with airline food?
I think it's there to distract you from the fact that you could at any second drop from the sky like a terrifying, flaming, explody stone! (I just started watching Lost, can you tell?)

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
Some day I will build a house out of bales of hay.

Most embarassing moment ever. Go!
Last year the tire on my road bike exploded on a crowded commuter train. I think the lady next to me peed herself. Turns out people don't appreciate loud explosions as a part of their morning commute.

Who knew?

*******

And another great installment of IWTSz! comes to a close. Until next week, cats & kittens.

Interviewing With the Starz! - Leanne Lawson-Stanley

This week's Interviewee is Leanne Lawson-Stanley. We were friends in high school. She blogs here. She also knows judo and once got into a psychic battle with Anthony Michael Hall so severe that half of the residents New Jersey forgot how to do math FOREVER!

Read on, readah...



Name: Leanne Alise Lawson-Stanley (if I were a boy, my name would have been Lilburn Andrew Lawson...no joke)

Hometown: 2 years in Newburg, OR. 5 years in Redding, CA. 7 years in Durham, CA. 17 years in Las Vegas. Vegas is my home.

Occupation: Sales & Marketing Director/Office Manager of Persyst Enterprises, Inc. (riveting stuff)

Favorite type of donut:
No nuts, no sprinkles, no jelly filling, no coconut.

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark?
If the outcome is death in all cases, I would rather be stung by bees. Why? Being mauled by a bear would be incredibly painful, as they try to rip apart your soft parts first. Having my stomach torn open and my face ripped off just doesn’t seem like my cup of tea. And who knows how long you would survive while it was actually eating you. The bear is definitely last on my list.

The shark might not be too bad because I’ve heard that some people who are attacked by sharks don’t realize that they are missing a limb right away and I could hope that I’d bleed out quickly and lose consciousness before I drowned. But if I was pulled underneath the water and chomped on, I would have a problem with that. Drowning would not be my choice way to go.

My number one choice would be to die by bees! Again, this is just based on what I’ve heard but I would hope that I would be attacked by a large swarm (over 1000 bees) and that they would pump me full of enough venom that I pass out, stop breathing and then my heart would stop. I’ve been stung by a bee before and it hurt like crap but I’ve also been tattooed (which feels somewhat similar) and it is like being stung over and over again. Eventually, you become kind of numb from it. And I’m sure that my adrenaline would help out some. I might be swollen in my casket but at least my whole body would be there and I’d still have a face.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
Oh my! I’ll have to think about that one [8 days later] Honestly, I haven’t been thinking about it much and this is the last question I am answering, so I will just put down the songs that popped into my head when I first read this question 8 days ago. What a Wonderful World, The Way I Am and Good Day Sunshine. What can I say? I’m a happy-go-lucky, positive chick.

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Too hard to name one, so top five (in no particular order)
1) Groundhog Day (to laugh)
2) Lost in Translation (to see pretty scenery and listen to people talk)
3) Before Sunrise (same as above)
4) The Color Purple (to cry so hard I feel like puking)
5) Say Anything (to love Lloyd Dobler)

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
If I had MY way, back and forth between Mexico and the mountains. How? Um, chillin’.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
I would like my tombstone to read: She lived by the Golden Rule.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
I’ve seen more of the Three Stooges than the Marx Brothers. But I think the Marx Brothers were more clever (although it may be more clever to inflict mass amounts of pain on one another and recover quickly without a scratch ... hmmm).

What three TV shows can you not miss?
Lost, The Office, 30 Rock. (Honest answer, I’m not trying to kiss up, promise.)

You have excellent taste.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
“Social problem” is a very broad statement. I think that many of the world’s problems would be solved if I flicked away playground bullying.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Fourth grade, Caleb Donahoo. He eventually became my boyfriend on and off for 4 years. We always said we would go to prom together. Even after I moved to Las Vegas, we kept in touch for a few years. We lost touch eventually and didn’t go to prom. I ran into him while I was cruising the streets of Chico during my bachelorette party and we hugged for a really long time. I always loved that boy.


What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1) I love my son more than anything else on this planet.
2) I’m kind.
3) I’m funnier than anyone else they know.
4) I’ll do anything for my family.
5) I’m an excellent driver.


What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1) I bite my nails somethin’ fierce…yuck.
2) I got rid of my cat (who I rescued from death) when I had my son because I couldn't stand the thought of him getting into the litter box one day. And he tracked kitty litter around the house and the thought of Cole crawling through it made my skin crawl. He was a really cool cat and I feel terrible about it. He was the only cat I ever had.
3) Ugly people make me uncomfortable.

The Stones or the Who?
Based on ... which band came first? The Stones. (I think?) Who had a greater influence on music? The Who. Who’s uglier? The Stones. Who I can name more songs from? The Who. It’s a tie.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
I would like the power to travel through time. Although the ramifications of such a power would be astronomical, messing with the space-time continuum and all, I still think it would be pretty cool. I would like to be able to travel through time, so that I could see if it is indeed possible to travel into the future (to see if it is already written). I would also like to see if changing certain major outcomes in history would better or worsen our current present. Like stopping the assassination of Kennedy or killing Hitler before he got too powerful. I would probably always go back again and let things happen as they did because I think things do happen for a reason. But it would be fun to see the “what ifs”.

Who knows, if things were better, I might leave things alone. I would of course only want this power if I was alone (no family). Who knows where I would be or who I would be if I changed the past. Then again, I might not even be born and then I wouldn’t exist to have the power in the first place. Maybe this would be a terrible power to have ... oh well, it would be fun and I would definitely try not to step on any butterflies.

What is the deal with airline food?
It’s not really food. It is a gelatinous mass that is formed to mimic actual food and then painted with grill marks and such.

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
I wish I knew how to play the guitar, piano or fiddle. I can play a mean bass clarinet.

Most embarrassing moment ever. Go!
The only one I can think of was when I was 11 and I was visiting my dad for the summer here in Las Vegas. I met a Cuban boy named Jose Ricon (he was one of my dad’s neighbors) and I fell in like with him (and he with me).

My older sister Sarah had a plan so that we could kiss each other (which would be the “first kiss” for both of us). It was nighttime and she put us on the side of the house. Sarah, her boyfriend, Jose’s brother, my step-sister and three other neighborhood kids were all waiting for us on the other side of the gate. Jose and I were being flirty and talking about how silly this whole thing was, even though we both really wanted to kiss each other.

Next thing I know ... Jose is leaning in and my DAD pops his head over the fence and asks, “Hey guys, what’s up?”. I was MORTIFIED!! Apparently, my dad came outside to see what we were doing and when he saw the crowd around the side gate, he knew something was up. Needless to say, I did not get my first kiss on the side of my house that night. My dad opened the gate and we both emerged, rosy cheeked and freaked. I did kiss him the next night though, sitting on the bumper of my uncle’s van, and it was magical. My dad is awesome. My kids better not kiss anybody until they are 20:)

*******

And that's this week's installment. If you still have a questionnaire, fill it out and get it in to me. Also, I still need photos from Christina, Ben and Allen, so get those to me. Give them to me or else. And if you want to be interviewed, let me know and I'll sent you some questions. Because I am a total professional, like that French guy in that movie with Gary Oldman and Natalie Portman.

Till next time, the balcony is closed.

Interviewing With the Starz! - Rose Aliverti

This week's interviewing With the Starz! victi... um, participant is Rose Aliverti. Rose is a blog buddy from way back. She blogs here. She also doesn't capitalize anything, so if a couple of words slipped past me, it's all her fault. Take it away, Rose...


Name: Rose Aliverti

Hometown: Monroe, Washington

Occupation: Mom who is reinventing herself into some kind of totally awesome superstar.

Favorite type of donut:
Top pot old-fashioned glazed.

I have no idea what that is. Is that a donut or a figure skating trick?
Top Pot is a local donut maker here in Seattle and they really do make a good donut.
But while I was growing up I used to say my favorite type of donut was Hurts, so that I could follow it up by slugging my little sister and saying, "HURTS, donut?"
Ha ha ha. That joke is still funny. (Just ask my sister.)

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
That's easy: stung to death by bees. Why? Because it reminds me of Macaulay Culkin's character in My Girl. That is how Thomas J. dies... (I hope I didn't ruin it for anyone...)

You did.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
It would be a medleyy of songs: "Clocks," by Coldplay, "Lost!" by Coldplay, "She Just Wants To Be," by R.E.M., "Wonderwall," by Oasis, "Bittersweet Symphony," by the Verve, "What A Wonderful World," by Louis Armstrong, "Lovesong" by the Cure and ... "Lullaby," by the Dixie Chicks. YES the Dixie Chicks. Honestly, this is the only song I know by them. I'm not a country music fan, but the words are so pretty: "How long do you wanna be loved? Is forever enough?" Sweet, sweet words.

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
This answer would be different every day you ask me. Yesterday I would have said It's A Wonderful Life. Today I'm going to say Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Tomorrow it might be Forrest Gump or Donnie Darko or Little Miss Sunshine or a movie I just saw last weekend, Slumdog Millionaire. I'd have to have all of my favorites listed on a Twister board in order for me to choose because I am very indecisive!

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
In a cute little town on the beach, living in a pimped-out cottage filled with books, music, games and movies, with all my peeps nearby.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
Devoted mother, beautiful wife, beloved sister, darling daughter, true friend. I added 'beautiful wife' because (hopefully) by the time I die, I will have a husband who would say that about me.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
The Three Stooges! Although when I was a kid, they really scared me. Specifically, mo. SCARY man!

What three TV shows can you not miss?
1. 30 Rock
2. The Office
3. How I Met Your Mother and The New Adventures Of Old Christine. It's a tie. I could not choose.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
Child abuse ... for the obvious reasons, but also because of the effect it would have on other social problems.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
All the 5th graders I knew had a crush on a boy in my class named Josh. But I bet I was the only one who officially named their Cabbage Patch Kid doll after him!

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1. That I have a good poker face, because I don't. But if everyone thought I did, then I would, right?
2. I hope people know that yes, I really do now how to capitalize words.
3. That I'm looking for a good job - in case anyone out there can hook me up! (Oprah, are you reading this? Because if anyone can hook me up, it is Oprah.)

Sorry Rose, I can assure you that Oprah does not read this blog. I'm not sure *anybody* reads this blog, but I can say with some assurance that Oprah does not have any interest in reading my thoughts on comics, movies, deer poo and dino peen.

4. I hope that the people I love know that I love them, and that I'm a better person because they are in my life.
5. And I hope they think I'm a good person, otherwise #4 wouldn't sound like much of a compliment. And also because I want to be a good person. "Beeeeee goooood" as E.T. would say.

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. OK ... I'm just going to say it ... I'm not as graceful as you might think. And if you know me you'd never think that, anyway. If there is something to trip over or slip on, I usually find it. Proof: Today I slipped on black ice on a busy street, even though I was walking slow because I knew it was icy. But, alas, it found me. it always finds me.

This is why I run everywhere. Every. Where.

2. I will always have a place in my heart for 80's pop radio. You don't even want to know what is in my collection (but i will someday make a playlist to share with the world).
3. I'm terrified of rats. I am terrified that someday, someone will use that against me.

The Stones or the Who?
My reasoning has nothing to do with their music. I'd say the stones because Mick Jagger's lips could just run away by themselves and you'd know who they belonged to. But then again, i like the name of the band The Who better ... "The Who?"

I pick the Beatles. Like I said, I'm indecisive.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
Photographic memory along with not needing more than 4 hours of sleep each night. There is so much I could do if I possessed those two abilities simultaneously. (I was going to say never needing any sleep, then remembered that I actually do like sleeping. So, that would just be cRaZy!)

What is the deal with airline food?
I KNOW. Can the bag of pretzels GET any smaller? (Is that how it goes? I don't remember if Seinfeld used pretzels or peanuts...) Airline food is disgusting. Over-processed, germ-infested food. Jerry and I have something in common ... I can be a real germaphobe if I put my mind to it. Someone (a normal person) left a bottle of ibuprofen over at my house and I gross myself out anytime I think about taking one from that bottle. I gag over it. And I gag over airline food. Plus, HELLO! I'm not an astronaut...

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
I have two:
1. Someday I want to write a book. About what? I don't know yet.
2. I want to play piano. I took lessons when I was about 12 or 13, had one recital where I messed up SO bad I thought I was going to start crying right there. (Aah, the middle school years ... see next question!)

Most embarrassing moment ever. Go!
Is 'middle school' an embarrassing moment? I hope so, because these days I don't embarrass so easily. I fell smack down on a busy street today, and I'm still going with middle school.
In middle school, I had huge, thick glasses and braces. I wore my hair like a whale spout on top of my head, and tried to get my bangs to be big but it never really worked out the way I planned. I went through a phase where I wore shorts with sweatshirts almost every day, no matter what time of year. I developed a crush on a boy, and the only thing I remember about him is the one day I saw him at the grocery store and got so embarrassed that I pushed open the automatic doors, leaving the store. I cried a lot, in public. I fell asleep in my U.S. History class. A girl that I'm now friends with on Facebook tried to beat me up after school, so I told a teacher really fast in-between my tears, and ran away ... but got on the wrong school bus home. I collected teddy bears. I went to a Tiffany concert. Need I say more?

*******

Wow. Excellent stuff, right? Thanks a bunch, Rose. You're a trooper. Tune in next week for another installment of interviewing Withe the Starz! Maybe we'll interview Oprah? What do you think?

Interviewing With the Starz! - Dave Larsen

It's that time again. Time for Interviewing With the Starz!, where the questions are tough and the embraces are tender. Today we're talking with Dave Larsen who was in my ward in Rexburg and blogs over here about all kinds of stuff. Did you download his Rainy Day mix yet? You should. Anyway, here's Dave:



Name: David Joseph Larsen

Hometown: Rupert, Idaho. Never really thought I would be living here again but I am while the whole med school application process is going on.

Occupation: Psychosocial Rehabilitation. I work with "at-risk" youth. You know, "at risk" of getting kicked out of school or put in jail. A lot of them have aggressive tendencies, are on probation and have a crazy home life. It might sound tough but mostly we talk a lot about what to do instead of punching people and then play a game of Uno. I am the Uno King.

Does that position, as Uno King, come with some sort of crown and authority, or is it mainly a ceremonial office?
Basically, all who oppose me are crushed. I guess you could call me the evil dictator of Uno. Some call me the Uno Nazi because I have memorized all the rules and I enforce them. I win more than everyone else at the office.

Sadly, there is no crown.

Favorite type of donut:
Mostly whichever type is in front of me. I like maple and pudding filled, just not at the same time.

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
I going to have to go with being mauled by a bear. Being stung to DEATH or EATEN by a shark doesn’t really leave a lot of room for survival. Plus, I am pretty sure if I watch The Office enough I can learn key bear mauling survival skills from Dwight.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
Hard Choice. "The Master Plan," by Oasis. I heard it was Noel’s favorite song he had ever done. If this is my song then it’s almost like I am his favorite too.

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
I don’t love watching most movies I have already seen. Comedies seem to be the only exception to the rule. Maybe Cool Runnings or the Princess Bride. I can’t commit.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
I would live them out in my own comfy house with occasional trips to my other comfy homes in Chile, Europe, etc. I think it would be cool to be financially secure enough to spend a lot of time giving free medical care to underserved populations (if they ever decide to let me be a doctor). I’ll want to be busy when I am an old man.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you)
As long as it is something with good grammar I will be happy. Erin will probably choose it.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Stooges. You may all hate me for this but I don’t even know the Marx Brothers. Maybe I am missing out.

What three TV shows can you not miss?
The Office and Lost. Those are the only two that I honestly don’t miss. I like 30 Rock too but I miss it sometimes. I always miss the Simpsons but I love it dearly and own a few seasons.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
I would make everyone feel a great sense of personal responsibility for their actions. I believe that would help fix a lot of different things at once. I think every kid I work with blames everything wrong they do on everyone else. I could go on and on.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Kristin Meyer. I don’t know if it was a real crush but I remember telling my friend she was my girlfriend in kindergarten or first grade.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
He is...
1. Trustworthy.
2. Dashing. (I thought about listing off the Scout Law, but it doesn’t say anything about being dashing)
3. I love my family a lot.
4. I think a lot about what other people are thinking. Not necessarily what they are thinking about me, just what they are thinking in general.
5. I don’t have great phone etiquette. And I kind of like the awkward moments sometimes.

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
I really really really don’t want people to think I am arrogant. I hate that.
I don’t want people to think I am lazy even though I am sometimes.
I don’t want them to think untrue things about me in general. I am mostly OK with what is true.

The Stones or the Who?
The Who.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
Flight would be awesome, but only if I could fly enough to carry Erin with me. I could start my own super exclusive courier business.

What is the deal with airline food?
I have only flown a few times but I would rate the airline food just above the cafeteria food I had in elementary school. I didn’t like it too much. But I did have some Bistro chicken in the Atlanta airport and it was pretty dang good.

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
To get into heaven.

Most embarassing moment ever. Go!
So, my wife and I were about a week away from getting married. We were standing outside her apartment before saying goodbye for the night and we were talking a little about what all engaged people surely think about constantly (there was no one around, it was late). When Erin went inside she realized that her roommate heard everything we were saying through her open bedroom window. Wow. Glad I got that off my chest.

*******

And that was Dave. Who will be the next BRR reader (or, BRRR) to be interviewed? Find out next week, cats & kittens.

Interviewing With the Starz! - The Most Reverend Ryan C. Adams

Today's interview comes from my good buddy Ryan C. Adams. You know, this guy:


Oh wait, that's not a very good picture of him. His ears look kinda big and that poncho isn't all that flattering. How's this?



Aaah, much better. Ryan and I met in a guitar class in high school where we were two of like five normal people in there. We've been friends ever since. He is my bro. We are bros. Some day I'm gonna write my review of Melinda & Melinda (SPOILER ALERT! It's terrible!) and we will kick off our series of reviews of Woody Allen films that we've entitled Deconstructing Woody.* (Which is my #2 pick. My first suggestion was Got Wood? which I still say is classy and clever.)

Ryan blogs here. I urge you all to add it to your feed-reader. The guy is a legend like Hercules or Achilles or Ed Koch.

And here's his interview:

Name: Ryan Chandler Adams

Hometown: Castle Rock, CO, via Las Vegas

Occupation: Advertising

Favorite type of donut:
Definitely the Firestone XJ27. You can drive up to 50MPH on this bad boy, as opposed to the industry standard 45.

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
First of all, thanks for asking. Second, I would choose to be stung to deaf by bees. I would miss my hearing, but I’d have some sweet tattoo-like scars, which would allow me to get around that whole “no tattoos” rule, established by my wife, that I’ve been trying to get around for years.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
“Blame it on the Rain.”

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Either the TV version of This is Spinal Tap, or Mr. Deeds. If I could cheat, I’d record them both on one VHS tape and consider them one film.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
I would live out the rest of my days in a coffin, approximately six feet under ground. That way, when I finally did die, I’d have all my stuff with me.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
“How come Dylan promised he wouldn’t kill me if I answered this question, and then he turned around and killed me?”

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Three Stooges. If it’s between an erudite reflection on society set to music, or a dude getting blasted in the eyeballs by some other dude’s pointer finger, I’m going with the cornea crash.

What three TV shows can you not miss?
Frasier, Seinfeld, and the one about that black doctor with all those kids.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
Easy. The internets.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
I can’t say. He reads this blog. And by “reads” I mean “authors.”

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1. I can’t stand long answering machine messages
2. Cheese tastes good, but if I eat too much I get all bloated and stuff
3. I don’t like the way my hair smells after I leave a casino
4. I love my wife and kids (the real ones, not the Wayans sitcom)
5. I only lie when necessary

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. How closely I resemble RDT.
2. How I get all bloated and stuff when I eat cheese.
3. I’m actually a hack.

The Stones or the Who?
The Who. And don’t get me started on people who choose the latter between the Beatles and the Stones.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
I’d love to be able to jump really high. Though it would stink to have to wear a helmet all the time.

What is the deal with airline food?
I know, right? Why can’t restaurants make food as good as airline food? That’s what you mean, right?

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
Pitching for the Rockford Riverhawks.

Most embarassing moment ever. Go!
I got beat up by girls when I was in grade school. They were younger than me.

*******

And that's Ryan. Next week, we'll be interviewing Dave Larsen. Do not miss it. Same blog-time, same blog-channel.

* Is anybody interested in contributing a review of a Woody Allen film? Let me know and I'll give you some films to choose from.

Interviewing With the Starz! - Patti Lunn

It's that time again, time for another thrilling installment of Interiewing With the Starz. Today's Interviewee is Patti. Patti and I have this weird, incestuous relationship. My dad and I Home Taught (it's a Mormon thing, e-mail me and Ill explain it) the Lunn family back in the day, her husband Dave was my Sunday School teacher and her daughter is my married to my brother-in-law, making Caitlin (Patti's daughter) my sister-in law. Patti blogs here and her blog will make you hungry. You have been warned. Take it away, Patti:


Name: Patti

Hometown: Boston, but I live in Vegas.

Occupation: I make sure lawyers don’t commit malpractice. (I manage the Master Calendar Department in a mid-size LV law firm.)

Favorite type of donut:
Chocolate frosted with a dot of sweet cream cheese and raspberry. (Thank you, Provo Bakery.)

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
Ugh ... I guess be eaten by a shark. It’d be quick.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
"Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell.

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
It’d have to be a Woody Allen. Annie Hall? More likely Hannah and Her Sisters.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
By the sea, very very leisurely. Sigh...

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you)
You can never be too rich or too thin.

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Definitely the Marx Brothers.

What three TV shows can you not miss?
The Office, Top Chef, The Barefoot Contessa.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
More than likely drugs ... it’s the root of so many other social problems: crime, education problems, poverty, family issues, etc.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Kevin Barry in the 1st Grade

What five things do you hope people know about you?
1. That I’m intelligent.
2. That I’m committed to the Gospel.
3. That I’m crazy about the person I married.
4. Maybe that I have good taste? (Shallow)
5. That I’m genuinely happy .

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
I’m past being terrified of what someone thinks (comes with age), but if I had to come up with something it’d be close to this:
1. That I think nobody can do it better than I can. So not true.
2. That I’m “crazy.” (Just means you’re admitting you don't understand me)
3. That I’m aloof.

The Stones or the Who?
"Sugar Magnolia," all the way.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
I’d want to be invisible, and I don’t want to tell you why.

What is the deal with airline food?
More than likely a study in carcinogens.

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
No joke, my entire life I’ve wanted to be a nurse. (My daughter provides vicarious pleasure.)

Most embarassing moment ever. Go!
Delivery room. All I’m saying.

*******

And that's that. Stay tuned next week for a look at a person as white, if not whiter than myself: Ryan C. Adams, Esq. If you're still working on your questionnaire, get it in. And if you've already submitted yours but forgot to attach a picture, get all up on that and send me one. I won't run your interview without one. Because I am hardcore.

Interviewing With the Starz! - Sarah Barlow

Welcome to the first installment of Interiewing With the Starz. Today's Interviewee is Sarah. Sarah and I both sang in our high school choir and ran with that clique for a while.


Name: Sarah Jane Barlow nee Sarah Jane Garrard

Hometown: Burley, Idaho (yeah, you’ve probably driven past it cuz it is one of those towns.)

Occupation: Co-creator and C.O.O. of Barlow Inc. (does that sound prestigeous?)

Favorite type of donut:
Not that I’m picky when they’re placed in front of me, but I really enjoy a chocolate covered glazed donut. No sprinkles. Just plain. And fresh.

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
Well. I SERIOUSLY panic when one bee comes even near me, so I think it would be agonizing to have multiple bees upon me. I do think a shark attack would involve a sense of drowning (which my sister [who seriously drowned when we were at swim lessons] said is really terrifying), and I’ll have to take a pass on that whole scenario.

Simply by process of elimination I would rather be mauled by a bear.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
“Galileo” by Indigo Girls.

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Thoroughly Modern Millie. Really, I can’t think of any Julie Andrews movie that annoys me.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
I would have a cozy home on the beach for winter living where friends and family would visit often and we’d peruse antique shops and book stores before shopping at the farmer’s market.

In the summer I would endure the outdoors-y, campy life in a trailer or cabin with my husband so he could fish his fool heart out and I could read books in complete silence and in the glorious mountains. (However this scenario will probably never work since I would go stir crazy with all the serenity and so I will probably go back to teaching HS English, become a principal, retire, go into politics, fix Nevada’s SCREWED up education system, and then serve mission after mission after mission until I die.)

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don’t worry, I’m not going to kill you)
“She really could do everything!”

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Stooges.

What three TV shows can you not miss?
The Biggest Loser, The Office, Grey’s Anatomy

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
Only one? How about rudeness in school drop off zones? Can I get rid of Wal-Marts? Nah, I think I would eliminate ignorance. That would be awesome since teenage pregnancy, bigotry, and all sorts of other social ills would be solved with one swoop. Plus, with no ignorance I wouldn’t have to listen to people spout political emails like they are facts when I am at church.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
Eric Kober. 4th grade. Tall, older than me, blond. It must be my thing.

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1. That while I am sure in my beliefs, it does not mean I judge other people.
2. I love my husband and kids more than anything in the world. Anything. Ever. In the world. Universe, really.
3. I overextend myself regularly.
4. I have a testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
5. I am a good friend. The kind of a friend people can trust, depend on, laugh with, cry to, and be honest with. Pretty much an all-around B.F.F.

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. I have serious affirmation, food, and control issues.
2. I lacked some serious judgment when I was younger and that’s how people still identify and judge me (by those choices).
3. That I fear I will someday be as messed up as my parents.

The Stones or the Who?
Is Aerosmith even in the same department? What about the Bee Gees? (I know, I know, Dylan. Don’t yell at me!!) I’ll pick the Stones, I guess.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
The ability to freeze time without anyone else realizing it. Then I could do all the mundane house keeping tasks while my kids were on pause or I could stop things if I wanted to make sure to record a special time (ya know, take a reflective moment to journal or feel the joy of an event.)

What is the deal with airline food?
It’s not really a deal. Don’t I normally pay $98.00 for peanuts and a half a can of Coke on my one-way to Salt Lake?

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
To perform on Broadway. We’re not holding our breath on that one, folks, but how awesome would that be?

Most embarassing moment ever. Go!
Oh, there are so many. I have a pretty good case of foot-in-mouth disease.

On our most recent annual trip to Swiss Days in Midway, Utah we were visiting the son and daughter-in-law of some good family friends. I kept referring to the daughter-in-law by her name, or what I thought was her name: Skye. I made a point to call her by name 3 or 4 times only to have my sister quietly tell me her name was something totally different.

“Her name is Starr.”

I felt like such an idiot and, of course, had to acknowledge (later in our weekend) to the daughter-in-law that I did, indeed, know her name was Starr ... not Skye.

*******

And that's that. If you're still working on your questionnaire, get it in. And if you've already submitted yours but forgot to attach a picture, get all up on that and send me one. I won't run your interview without one. Because I am hardcore.