Interviewing With the Starz! - The Most Reverend Ryan C. Adams

Today's interview comes from my good buddy Ryan C. Adams. You know, this guy:

Oh wait, that's not a very good picture of him. His ears look kinda big and that poncho isn't all that flattering. How's this?

Aaah, much better. Ryan and I met in a guitar class in high school where we were two of like five normal people in there. We've been friends ever since. He is my bro. We are bros. Some day I'm gonna write my review of Melinda & Melinda (SPOILER ALERT! It's terrible!) and we will kick off our series of reviews of Woody Allen films that we've entitled Deconstructing Woody.* (Which is my #2 pick. My first suggestion was Got Wood? which I still say is classy and clever.)

Ryan blogs here. I urge you all to add it to your feed-reader. The guy is a legend like Hercules or Achilles or Ed Koch.

And here's his interview:

Name: Ryan Chandler Adams

Hometown: Castle Rock, CO, via Las Vegas

Occupation: Advertising

Favorite type of donut:
Definitely the Firestone XJ27. You can drive up to 50MPH on this bad boy, as opposed to the industry standard 45.

Would you rather be mauled by a bear, stung to death by bees or eaten by a shark? Why?
First of all, thanks for asking. Second, I would choose to be stung to deaf by bees. I would miss my hearing, but I’d have some sweet tattoo-like scars, which would allow me to get around that whole “no tattoos” rule, established by my wife, that I’ve been trying to get around for years.

If your life were a song, what song would it be?
“Blame it on the Rain.”

If you could only watch one film for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Either the TV version of This is Spinal Tap, or Mr. Deeds. If I could cheat, I’d record them both on one VHS tape and consider them one film.

If you had your way, where would you live out the rest of your days and how?
I would live out the rest of my days in a coffin, approximately six feet under ground. That way, when I finally did die, I’d have all my stuff with me.

What would your like your tombstone read? (Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you)
“How come Dylan promised he wouldn’t kill me if I answered this question, and then he turned around and killed me?”

The Three Stooges or the Marx Brothers?
Three Stooges. If it’s between an erudite reflection on society set to music, or a dude getting blasted in the eyeballs by some other dude’s pointer finger, I’m going with the cornea crash.

What three TV shows can you not miss?
Frasier, Seinfeld, and the one about that black doctor with all those kids.

If you could erase one social problem with the flick of yr wrist, what would it be and why?
Easy. The internets.

Who was your earliest remembered crush?
I can’t say. He reads this blog. And by “reads” I mean “authors.”

What five things do you hope people know or think about you?
1. I can’t stand long answering machine messages
2. Cheese tastes good, but if I eat too much I get all bloated and stuff
3. I don’t like the way my hair smells after I leave a casino
4. I love my wife and kids (the real ones, not the Wayans sitcom)
5. I only lie when necessary

What three things are you terrified that people know or think about you?
1. How closely I resemble RDT.
2. How I get all bloated and stuff when I eat cheese.
3. I’m actually a hack.

The Stones or the Who?
The Who. And don’t get me started on people who choose the latter between the Beatles and the Stones.

If you could have any super power (flight, x-ray vision, the ability to talk to undersea creatures, etc.), what would it be and why?
I’d love to be able to jump really high. Though it would stink to have to wear a helmet all the time.

What is the deal with airline food?
I know, right? Why can’t restaurants make food as good as airline food? That’s what you mean, right?

What is your greatest unrealized ambition?
Pitching for the Rockford Riverhawks.

Most embarassing moment ever. Go!
I got beat up by girls when I was in grade school. They were younger than me.


And that's Ryan. Next week, we'll be interviewing Dave Larsen. Do not miss it. Same blog-time, same blog-channel.

* Is anybody interested in contributing a review of a Woody Allen film? Let me know and I'll give you some films to choose from.


Mr. Philippe said...

that is quite the embarrasing moment, did you ever exact cold and calculating revenge? it helps.

--- sign me up for some wood. but no wtf films ok. on second thought, sign me up for those too.

Erin said...

Thank you for interviewing the always entertaining Mr. Adams. And thanks for asking the difficult & probing questions--which made me laugh out loud. And Ryan, you make me laugh even harder. ("I know, right?" HA!)

chanel said...

mmmmm.. cheese.. guess whats for dinner???

your life's theme song is the BEST! i totally blame the rain for our house not selling!

and seriously you're so lucky i couldn't sleep when we saw spinal tap on tv- even bleeped it is filth.

thanks dylan for this insight into my crazy main squeeze.