Gas Up Your Supercycles

Tonight's the night. It's the Mystery Science Theater Drink & Draw, hosted by the fine folks at the MST3K Super Friends Club. The film we'll be watching is the post-apocalyptic stinker, Warrior of the Lost World.

The action gets revved up tonight, beginning at 9 pm Eastern time.

Watch along on Netflix. Draw along with the movie. Follow along on Twitter with @theChrisHaley and @theJenya OR find all the great tweets using the hashtag #MST3kDandD. And there's always our Flickr pool for posting your drawerings.

Bronco, Last of the Yeast Lords

We recently watched Jared & Jerusha Hess' latest film, the incredibly weird Gentlemen Broncos. It's weird. Like really, really, really weird. It was sort of smothered in its sleep by Fox Searchlight who opened it for one week in a limited number of theaters in a limited number of cities. Its theatrical run made roughly 1% of what the film itself cost to make. Critics, who were already pretty split on Hess' merits as a film-maker, were less than kind to it. Having seen the film, I can say that this is totally understandable. Broncos is (as I said) weird, messy, cynical, unlikable, uneven and not terribly funny.

It's also one of the more interesting films about creativity that I've seen.

Creativity's a gamble. When you create something, at least in the beginning, you do it because you have to. Like Athena bursting out of Zeus' head, sometimes you just gotta get this stuff out of your brain and onto a page or a computer screen or a brick wall or a reel of film or whatever. Once it leaves your head, it becomes open for everyone who encounters it to enjoy, dissect, criticize, steal, discredit or profit from it. Sonic Youth quoted Los Angeles musician Jack Brewer in the Experimental Jet Set Trash & No Star liner notes as saying, of music, that "Once [it] leaves your head, it's already compromised." Broncos, in my estimation, is about just this: what happens when the things you create become real? What if it's stolen? Misrepresented? What would you do to make your vision a reality? What happens when the ideas that once came so effortlessly (Flight of the Conchords' Jemaine Clement's character, Dr. Ronald Chevalier, boasts to an auditorium of aspiring writers – including our "hero" Benjamin – that he painted something like 45 covers for his first novel) won't come any more?

Heady stuff from a guy who made his name off of a squinty-eyed Idaho kid in armpit-high jeans and moon boots, right? So you can see why people expecting Napoleon Dynamite 2.0 – or, as the previews painted it, a sort of low-rent Rushmore in stone-washed denim, maroon turtlenecks and corduroy vests – would be disappointed with something this … "mature" isn't the right word, but it's something like that. While it's not as insightful or well-constructed as, say, the Coen brothers' ode to writers block in Barton Fink, or Christopher Guests middle-finger to the Hollywood machine in For Your Consideration, or Robert Altman's cutting thriller, The Player; Broncos is definitely mining the same territory. The film's central message seems to be that creativity is a messy business and ideas are tricky and nobody is your friend.

Where Napoleon and Nacho Libre were fluffy, scatter-brained comedies about lovable losers overcoming the odds, Broncos is full of, well, just losers. And while there are some laughs, its comedy is dark and its central message bleak. Benjamin's clueless mother, played with characteristic aplomb by Guest alumni Jennifer Coolidge, smothers her son while making him popcorn-ball treats and having him help sell consigned (and hideous) evening gowns at the local swap meet to try and make ends meet. Halley Feiffer's Tabatha plays what you would think is the love interest, but ends up being a manipulative opportunist who gloms onto anyone who she thinks can help her out. Hector Jimenez's Lonnie is a condescending prick whose gigantic ego is matched only by his complete lack of talent. Mike White's a Guardian Angel volunteer (think Big Brother/Big Sister) who only wants to get in Ben's mom's mom-jeans and/or be a famous actor; whichever. And Ben? Ben just sort of flows along with it all with dopey, sad-eyed nonchalance until he can't anymore. Fair-weather friends, big talkers, users, phonies, opportunists, manipulators; these are the grotesques Hess introduces us to and while it's not pretty, it a fair representation of humanity.

Then there's the fictional characters. Sam Rockwell, playing dual roles, is both a joy and a huge problem for the film. Rockwell first appears as Bronco, last of the Yeast Lords and the hero of Ben's stories and an obvious stand-in for Ben's dead game warden father. He later pops up as Brutus, a lisping dandy in the ripped-off Chevalier version of Ben's story. And don't get me wrong, Rockwell's a hoot to watch both as the burly Bronco and the prissy Brutus, but his performances ultimately kick the legs out from under an already precariously-balanced film. By Rockwell playing both parts so broadly, it undermines our commitment to Ben as a writer able to craft a story that anyone would read and publish, let alone rip off and, uh, publish. True, if he'd played it straighter, the film would not have been as funny, but it might have sold the film as a whole a lot better. Still, he's pretty hilarious as he chews through both roles, so what do you do? If you're Jared Hess and this is your first real shot at the Big Leagues, do you tell one of your stars, who's probably working on scale and could be doing other, more lucrative stuff, to pull it back a little? And if you know you're pushing your audience's patience by having your third film be such a radical, strange and dark departure from the lightweight, cartoony stuff you've done before, do you pull out the bits of your film that most closely resemble those films? Or do you leave them in even if it means your film's a little uneven?

If I were a betting man, I'd say that the Hess' next film (if there will be such a thing, given just how much money Broncos lost) will be a lot more in keeping with the Napoleon/Nacho rubric than something like Gentlemen Broncos and while I'd gladly watch such a film, I think it would be a shame. I'd like to see what the Hess' can do when they're not expected to be hilarious like all of the time. I'm not asking for something über-serious, but with Hess' comedic timing, eye for the offbeat and love for losers, I would welcome a slightly more mature film.

And if they can somehow incorporate python diarrhea into it, all the better.

Keeping Afloat

There's plenty of dumb stuff to talk about.But let's not talk about that. Let's talk about cool stuff. You know, stuff that makes you want to tell other people about. This is the kind of stuff I want to talk about. So, here goes: Cool Stuff I Want To Share With You, My Friends On the Internet:

*****
B O O K S

I've been reading Haruki Murakami's Hardboiled Wonderland And the End of the World and man, this is the business right here. It's one of those books, like Cat's Cradle or The Crying of Lot 49 or VALIS or Pattern Recognition or Seaguy, where I feel like it was written just for me to read. Which I know is totally narcissistic, but still.

It's the story of a Calcutec - a human computer - who is processing some very sensitive information for a secretive, possibly insane scientist. And it's also about a guy who lived in a strange city (which may or may not be the physical representation of the Calcutec's mind) who reads the dreams from the skulls of unicorns. So yeah, this is right up my alley.

I also checked out Betrayal, the first of the Legacy of the Force book series. Yes, that's a Star Wars book. And yes, I know this is not a good thing, that this will only end in shame and disappointment. Don't judge me.

*****
M U S I C

Man, there's been some good music this year. I'm thinking about my "Best Of" mixes* for 2009 and there are a few albums I know will make the cut for sure. Monster Head Room by Ganglians, the Flaming Lips' Embryonic, Isnalds' Vapours and the album pictured at the left, the Dirty Projectors' Bitte Orca.

The first couple of listens gave me a mild sense of vertigo, but once this album hooked itself into my earholes, it hasn't let go. It's dizzying indie mutant blue-eyed R&B. Highly recommended.

*****
T V . O N . D V D

Been watching a lot of The Prisoner, which really doesn't need me to tell it it's awesome, but man, it's awesome. I seriously can't believe something this nutty and flat-out subversive ever made it on the air. It's really weird stuff and totally worth your time if you haven't seen it yet. Sure, there's gonna be the AMC remake, but I have a feeling it'll be too neat, too linear, not fever-dream enough to really capture the vibe of the original. I would be happy to be proven wrong, though.

We've also just watched the second (and final?) series of Flight of the Conchords. Dude, that show ... it's great. The "Prime Minister" episode with Art Garfunkel? Genius.

*****
C O M I C S

Just read the first volume of the Vertigo series Air. It's really good, intriguing stuff. The art's sort of rough in parts, but the story's solid and, hey, it's a Vertigo book; the art is *always* crappy in Vertigo books. Except for The Losers, but even that sort of fell apart once jock left. But anyway, Air. It's about a flight attendant who's afraid of heights. And, uh, teleportation, forgotten countries and secret societies. And Quetzalcoatl.

There's a fair comparison with Lost in that it's a big, weird thing wrapped in a somewhat standard package, so yeah, I'm on board. I was a little worried about it getting canceled before it really got enough story out of the way, but again, it's a Vertigo book. They published Lucifer for like, ever and it was never in the Top 20 or anything, so hopefully, it's safe for a while.

I'm also loving the heck out of Batman & Robin. But then again, I'm totally retarded for Grant Morrison so maybe I'm a bit biased, but it's dang good dayglo superhero comicbookery.

And now I ask all y'all comic nerds out there: what else is really good right now. And if any of you say Blackest Night, I will throat-punch you. You have been warned.

*****
T E L E V I S I O N

NBC's really got Thursday night locked down, right? Dang, that is one satisfying night of comedy. I mean, I'm sad as hell that Kath & Kim is gone (I think I was literally the only person in America who thought that show was good, but oh well), but from Community to Parks & Recreation to The Office and finally 30 Rock, it's a string of really great television.

And yeah, you can argue that The Office has jumped the shark and it hasn't been the same since Jim and Pam got together and blahblahblah, but let's be honest, The Office has always been just pretty good. I mean, I think a lot of people were just surprised that it worked, what with being based on the much funnier and impossible to replicate British version. So when like, the wedding episode sort of fell apart at the end or that episode after that one where Jim and Pam were on their honeymoon and it sort of just wandered around for a half hour, I don't get all worked up because it's not like it hasn't had a good run, you know? And even if it's not perfect, it's still way funnier than something like Three and A Half Men.

But yeah, I'm loving Community's (it's like Stripes: the College Years, isn't it?) and Parks & Rec's getting better every week and 30 Rock ... oh, 30 Rock, you had me at "chuckle hut."

And yeah, I like Glee. Why? Why does this show work? I don't know, but it does. And okay, let me just say this and hope one of the producer's is reading: The more Jane Lynch, the better the episode. That's just science. And you can't argue with science.

*****
M O V I E S

If you're looking for a good indie adventure/comedy, go and Redbox The Brothers Bloom. It's not perfect, but it's a fun little film, well-acted, well-written, well-directed. It's sort of like if Wes Anderson directed a con man movie written by the guy who wrote Harold & Maude, if that makes any sense. See it. I mean, it's Mark Ruffalo, Adrien Brody and Rachael Weisz. What more do you need to know?

*****

And that's what's getting me all lathered up these days, pop-culture-wise. How about you?


* How about those? Are they worth it? Should I do it the same way this year, with a Top Ten Favorites and an Honorable Mentions? Let me know.

Space Cowboyanous

And the Bronco love just keeps on coming:


"All you did was change the character's names and turned Bronco into a tranny." LOL.

I'll be there.

Cyborg Donkeys

Click for bigness. I'm pretty excited about this movie, but so are you, right? (Via)

Spock With A Spork

As you know, I'm a Star Wars guy. I like things blowing up rather than people talking about things blowing up (which is my simplistic Wars vs. Trek argument). I liked Wrath of Khan (action!) and Voyage Home (funny!). But for the most part, I'm far too ADD/liking of awesome stuff to really appreciate the po-faced continuity service and hardcore sciencey nerdery of most Star Trek. I mean, have you tried to watch any of the last few Trek movies? I tried watching Generations and was bored out of my mind.

So you can take my word for it when I tell you that you must see the new Star Trek movie immediately if not sooner.

But let's be honest, I was a mark for this movie before I even plunked my money down, right? I mean it's directed by J.J. Abrams, who in my mind, is like some sort of pop culture King Midas. It's produced by Damon Lindelof, who writes and produces Lost, which I am ga-ga for. And it's written by Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman, who wrote for Alias and it's smarter, more sophisticated older sister Fringe. They know how to make you care about characters in the face of great high concepts like, say, a crazy magic island or a FBI division that investigates nutso cases or some gigantic sea monster who's wrecking NYC. They understand the importance of mystery, of characters, of mythology.

So yeah, these guys "get" me. Abrams has mentioned that he has no overpowering love for Trek, and, truthfully, thankfully, it shows. This is a Trek movie for people who liked Wrath of Khan and Empire Strikes Back, but can't handle the science geekery and heavy-handed social critique that has been the platform of Trek since its inception. It's a post-Star Wars Star Trek movie. (I mean, look at those scuffed up shuttles. Star Trek's a gleaming futuristic utopia, not a universe where things get dirty. What is going on?!)

So yeah, I'm sold completely. I will see whatever sequel as long as these guys are involved. Even if it's entirely in Klingon. They managed to set up a new franchise while maintaining the precious original canon for the hardcores. And yeah, it's a bit "Ultimate Star Trek," but it is F-U-N. Tons of fun. Fist-pumping fun. "Heck yeah!" fun. Like Iron Man did last summer, it's a popcorn flick that reminded me why I loved popcorn flicks growing up. It's smart, but not too smart. Cool, but not too cool. Loud, but not too loud. It makes you want to go out and buy a toy, if that makes sense. It's freaking awesome. I really can't say anything else about it. I loved it. Loved it. Loved it.

And, like I said over on Geoff Klock's blog, if nothing else, it's the best film I've ever seen that stars Winona Ryder and Tyler Perry.

Let me know once you've seen it. I'd love to compare notes.

Actors Whose Involvement In a Project Piques My Interest

1. Nathan Fillion
2. Simon Pegg
3. Patrick Warburton
4. Bill Murray
5. Any Wilson brother: Luke, Owen or Andrew
6. Sam Rockwell
7. William Shatner
8. Emmanuel Lewis

Movies I Want To See At the Cleveland Intenational Film Festival This Year

1. Not Your Typical Bigfoot Movie - A documentary about two unemployed guys who hunt Bigfoot for fun.
2. Tokyo! - The first part is directed by Michel Gondry. 'Nuff Said.
3. Between the Folds - A doc about origami.
4. The Chaser - Asian crime/chase movie.
5. Tricks - About a young boy who tries to use magic to improve his life.
6. A Deal Is A Deal - A British film with Colm Meaney and the guy who played Gareth (you know, the Dwight guy) on the British version of the Office.
7. Art & Copy - Doc about ad agencies.
8. The Wrecking Crew - Doc about Phil Spector's crew of studio musicians who also worked with Brian Wilson.
9. Sparrow - Hong Kong caper movie.
10. Moon - Stars Sam Rockwell as a unraveling astronaut. Directed by David Bowie's son. Should have just called it A Movie Dylan Would Totally Want To See.
11. The Brothers Bloom - Playing at the same time as Moon, it's the most recognizable film at the fest, as it stars Rachel Weisz, Adrian Brody and Mark Ruffalo. If it came down to it, I'd see Moon instead, though it's most likely a moot point as they're both showing on a Sunday.

You can see the full slate of films here. I'm excited.

It's like Being Reincarnated In The Civil War In Babylon

Watched Masked & Anonymous tonight, the 2003 Bob Dylan movie starring, well, everybody. And it's fantastic.

But then again, the deck is stacked when you discuss Dylan with me, as there is no way I can approach the man impartially, though not for the reason you're thinking of. I mean, sure, I'm named after the guy and was brought up listening to everything from "Just Like Tom Thumbs Blues" to "Spanish Harlem Incident" to "Idiot Wind." And I'm sure that has something to do with my appreciation for his work; it certainly doesn't hurt. But my love for the man is from a more unexpected source.

See, there are a few things, a few watershed moments in my life that, well, that screwed me up beyond repair. The first was a childhood obsession with Star Wars and comic books, but it progressed to discovering the Beatniks and Kerouac, Kurt Vonnegut, Woody Allen, Pynchon's The Crying of Lot 49, Philip K. Dick, Grant Morrison and Jack Kirby. But sitting in the middle of this, between the Fantastic Four and The Dharma Bums, holding court with midgets and cops and million other washed-up old criminals sits Tarantula, a mess of a book that changed my life. It quite literally blew my 15 year old mind.

Wait, no. Not literally, I guess, as my mind was not literally exploded. It just felt like it. "It figuratively blew my mind"? Yeah, that's the one. Doesn't sound as impressive though, does it?

So yeah, Bob Dylan has a soft spot in the cluttered ruins of my heart, so if I say things like "Masked & Anonymous is a great pre-apocalyptic fable full of sly social commentary, heavy symbolism and an incredible cast," or "It's I'm Not There's evil, inbred twin," you'll have to bear with me, it's just the hyperbole speaking. When I say stuff like "It's like David Lynch directing a script by Philip K. Dick and Woody Guthrie" or "It's resonant, heavy, ridiculous and highly recommended," or "Hey, Cheech is in it," just know that I can't help myself.

I yam what I yam.

Lisa Librarian

I've already gone on & on about Cleveland's libraries, but I'm gonna keep going. I stopped in at the city and county libraries tonight (I know, I'm crazy, but it's fun) and left with a bunch more stuff than I planned on. Here's the books I left with:



Books • From L to R:

All Star Batman & Robin, the Boy Wonder, vol. 1 - Total car crash curiosity here, folks. I just want to see how mangled the bodies are because I'm a sick sick sick human being. Reading anything Frank Miller wrote after the first volume of Sin City is like eating a Double Whopper: I know I'll regret it, but still I must ingest it.

Tales From the Farm - Eddie Argos of Art Brut wrote a very favorable piece about this in his Pow! To the People column a while back, so that's good enough for me.

Have You Seen... - I had no idea this book was going to be this gigantic when I put it on hold. It's flippin' massive, innit? you could kill an intruder with it, if you can lift it over your head, that is. And if you can, you'll get a certificate signed by President Bush and Arnold Schwarzenegger because you passed the Presidential Physical Fitness exam. Also, I think you get to be the next King Of England. Lucky!

Bone, Vol. 8: Treasure Hunters - The latest Scholastic Graphix reprint of the classic indie comics series. In color! It's sort of like Lord Of the Rings, only cuter. Recommended, especially if you have kids.

Limits Of Power - Saw the author talking about this book on Bill Moyer's Now on PBS. Yeah, I just name-dropped PBS on all y'all. I'm like all cultured and whatnot.

Phoenix, vol. 2: the Future - I just read the first volume of this series and, well, it's manga. And I'm not a huge manga guy. I've read and enjoyed like three manga series: Yousuba&!, Planetes and Akira. But this is a multi-generational tale about life and mortality and all that stuff, told by a guy who just knows how to work the medium of the comic book like a champion (Astro Boy creator Osamu Tezuka). It's a little weird, but still, the scope and playfulness of the series have me sticking with it at least through this volume. We'll see how it goes from there.



Movies • From L to R:

Paycheck - I just really loved this Philip K. Dick story when I read it and thought it would make a pretty excellent movie. I'm sure this is not a pretty excellent movie, but it's worth a look, right? John Woo, Uma, B.Aff and Aaron Eckhart in a sci-fi action film? Yeah, I'll watch it.

Solaris - Soderberg and Clooney doing brainy sci-fi. I'll bite.

Melinda & Melinda - So I can cross it off my list of "Woody Allen Movies I Have Yet To See." I'm sure it's a travesty, but I don't care. I love Woody Allen. Even bad Woody Allen is better than 90% of anything else.

Straw Dogs - Which I thought was Marathon Man when I picked it up, but this is 70's Dustin Hoffman being directed by king of violence, Sam Peckinpah, so no worries.

Masked & Anonymous - Written and directed by Bob Dylan. Starring Jeff Bridges, Luke Wilson and John Goodman. Um, written and directed by Bob Dylan? So yeah, I'm pretty much curious at the very least.

1408 - Any movie is made better by the inclusion of a Cusack. That's just a law of the universe, people.

There Will Be Blood - Any movie with Daniel Day Lewis is bound to be a good time. The guy is just flat-out hilarious.

*******

So, what did you get the last time you were at the library? Do share...

Tears Of A Clone (or) How The Clone Wars Ruined My Life

So, this weekend we watched this movie:



And it pretty much ruined my life.

See, up until this weekend, my Star Wars Nerdiness had largely gone into remission. Sure, I had played the Lego video game. And Knights Of the Old Republic 2 (but sadly couldn't beat it and finally gave up and walked away). And I watched the first two films with my four-year-old recently. Oh, and I got a sort of sick glee when that same four-year-old requested she be Princess Leia for Halloween. And yeah, it was sort of my idea to dress our year-and-a-half daughter like Darth Vader.

But trust me, this is mild compared to the depths of my nerdery for the Star Wars Universe.

I can name a dozen Star Wars species off the top of my head. Same thing for planets. I have read roughly one bazillion books from the Thrawn Trilogy (where an alien mastermind Imperial Grand Admiral steps out of the shadows to terrorize the Original Trilogy heroes and the newly-formed New Republic) to all the Tales Of... anthologies (Tales of the Mos Eisley Catina, Tales Of the Bounty Hunters, and Tales Of Jabba's Palace, all containing backstories to the characters who inhabit those brief scenes in the Original Trilogy) to the entirety of the New Jedi Order series (where an extra-galactic threat - the merciless Yuzzhan Vong - challenges the Original Trilogy heroes, their kids and all the new Jedi trained by Luke Skywalker and his wife). I have bought action figures, lusted after a replica of Luke Skywalker's Bespin fatigues and hosted/played/gamemastered a Star Wars Role Playing group. I read the comics, magazines and played (pretty badly) the trading card game. I saw all three Prequels at midnight showings. I was (literally) a card-carrying member of the Star Wars Fan Club for like three years. After the age of 20. I have a copy of a copy of a bootleg video recording of the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special.

I loved that universe and the limitless possibilities for fun, myth and adventure it promises. But I was done with all of that. I sold off the books, RPG materials, boxed up the toys for future generations. I don't own either Trilogy on DVD. Beyond the odd tug to write an Oceans Eleven knock-off starring Lando Calrissian, I couldn't tell you the last time I seriously thought about the Star Wars Universe; it's rules, vocabulary, mechanics and possibilities. I mean, I'm a grown-@$$ man, fer cryeye. I don't have time for this stuff.

I was (mostly) cured. Whole. Free.

And then I saw this dang movie. This cartoon that is just a glorified pilot for the Cartoon Network series. The same movie that got a whopping 19% positive reviews (ouch!) over on Rotten Tomatoes. This goofy cartoon with wisecracking battle droids, wooden CGI acting and a big gay Hutt.

But guess what? I don't care. I really liked it. Why? Because it was fun! And fun is something the Star Wars Universe has been missing since, well, since Return Of the Jedi (which is still a little ponderous at times, nowhere near as freewheeling as Empire or most of A New Hope).

The Prequels were too busy trying to be epic and mythic and the fun suffered for it. As much as the Original Trilogy was based on mythic structures (and it is, as a million high school essays on Joseph Campbell written by people like me - but not me, sadly - will attest), it merely provided the framework for adventure. The Prequels try to hint at it with banter that ultimately falls flat on its face, but Lucas is too drunk on his own Capital-"i"-Importance to allow it to really come to the fore. Remember, Empire and Jedi were both helmed and written by somebody not named "George Lucas."

And well, you can see how that worked out.

Even the previous Cartoon Network Clone Wars series by Samurai Jack guru Genndy Tartakovsky (whose name is impossible to spell without Wikipedia. And that's a scientific fact.) were a little too obsessed with their kewlness to really be "fun." They were cool, but not fun.

But this version, I dunno, I really liked it. It made me want more. Is that wrong? As I watched Obi-Wan and a bunch of Troopers jump out of those awesome drop ships, I caught myself thinking about how much fun it would be to play in an RPG campaign set in the Clone Wars. To be, like a Jedi General or something fighting off Separatist forces on Mon Calamari? Or a smuggler with a heart of gold stealing supplies from the Trade Federation and giving them to besieged communities? See? See how nerdy this gets?

I checked to see if I could watch any more episodes online (which I can, but not, um, legally). Then I cruised the Star Wars toys at Target (Okay, I always do that, but still). Then I checked out the Star Wars section at Barnes & Noble and, well, that's when things fell apart.

I saw the cover to this book and said, "Dang it. Jedi pulp? Oh man, I want to read this." I started weeping openly. In the middle of the store. Some old lady asked me if I was okay. I told her it was all Jar Jar's fault and she just backed away slowly as I writhed on the floor in agony. It was a mess.

Three hours later, I managed to pull myself together enough to made my way upstairs to the kids' section where Candace and the girls were browsing. I wiped my face clear of the tears and told Candace, "I think I want to start reading Star Wars books again." which felt like telling her, "I think I want to start snorting heroin."

To which she replied, very matter-of-factly, "Um, okay." Which is incredibly cool (she really is awesome), but at the same time unbelievably reckless. Because this could easily escalate to weekly pizza and gaming sessions in the living room again (Okay, probably not, but still). So yeah, I'm gonna read Coruscant Nights: Jedi Twilight and the other two in the series. And I'll probably read the Legacy Of the Force series because I gotta see what happens to the Solo kids.

Because I have the sickness again. And it's all The Clone Wars' fault.

Bullets Fired From the Space Gun

* Sometimes I wonder if, when the aliens/robots/post-apocalyptic cyborg merpeople are searching through the ruins of our society, they will look and say, "Wow. These people really liked Everybody Loves Raymond. Look at this TV Guide. It's on like all of the time. No wonder they went extinct."

* I watched The Hudsucker Proxy again this weekend. Dude, that movie is so dang excellent.

* All I really want out of life is peace, happiness and a personal jetpack. Maybe a backrub now and then. Is that too much to ask for?

* I wonder if Michael Jackson ever walked up to someone, punched them in the mouth and then said "You've been hit by a smooth criminal." I sure hope so. That's just too good to pass up.

* I can't believe someone beat me to killing that accursed Bigfoot. Oh well, down the list we goes. Look out Nessie!

* Ladies & gents, the cover to September's mix, Hot Dog; featuring tracks from Gomez, Supergrass, The Stones, The Kinks and Roxy Music, among others.

* And finally, I received this on Friday. Oh man, Jack Kirby was incredible, wasn't he? It's like somebody poured 100% pure, uncut incredible on to close to 400 pages, never realizing that the world is just not ready for that much awesome in one sitting. And people, this is volume one of four equally-sized volumes. Think about that. And then there's the O.M.A.C. collection, his Etrigan the Demon stuff and the Kamandi Archive Editions. And that's just his late-period DC stuff. That doesn't take into account his late-period Marvel stuff like Devil Dinosaur or The Eternals or all the stuff he did when he pretty much birthed - or at least midwifed (is that the proper term when you're referring to a man? "Midhusbanded"? Who knows?!) - the entire Marvel Universe. And this is all stuff from ONE. PERSON. Unbelievable.

Sadie & I flipped through it before she went to bed and she is now familiar with the New Gods, the Forever People and Mister Miracle. My proper fatherly duties = accomplished. I can pretty much die now and know that I've done what I was put here for. From here on out, it's all gravy. Delicious, beefy gravy.

Holy. Freaking. Crap.

The Dark Knight = too awesome for words. Go see it. Immediately.

That is all.

Honey From A Haunted Hive

We watched Bee Movie with the girls tonight and ... so, bees are basically Jewish? Is that the point of that movie? How far were we supposed to take the metaphor? Because they go to great lengths to equate Bee-ishness to Jewishness and then you start thinking about it and it starts to get weird and then you're very confused. Just don't start thinking about it; you'll end up with a nosebleed. And a stomachache. And a hangnail. You have been warned.

Alls I know is that Patrick Warburton was in that movie, and where Brock Samson goes, I go. Also, the humans in that movie were weird looking, weren't they?

My Brain Is Bigger Now Than It Was Then

The following is a list of things I learned this weekend, in no particular order:

1. Death Cab For Cutie frontman Ben Gibbard is a lot skinnier than I thought he was. And poor Chris Walla, dude is the ever-lovin' backbone of that group but nobody knows who he is. And BTW, the Death Cab set freaking rocked! I was seriously expecting a much more mellow affair, but they pretty much tore the roof off the Plain Dealer Pavilion. Candace has a pretty awesome picture here. It was a great night.

2. There are two white tent performing arts amphitheaters in the Flats. One is the Time Warner Amphitheater and it's on the east side of the Cuyahoga River, near Tower City. The other is the Plain Dealer Pavilion and it's on the west side of the river in the Flats proper. If you mix them up, you're screwed and will miss the opening act of the concert (sorry, Rogue Wave) you are attending and you will be more than a little irritated because you thought you knew where you were going but in fact, you did not. Because you are stupid and didn't Google Map it first.

Duh.

3. Barbecue pork sandwiches are delicious.

4. I love being a dad. I love my wife and I love my girls. They're the bestest ever.

5. There's a band that sounds so much like late 60's-early 70's Beach Boys that it is freaking spooky. Their debut album is this week's AOK!: The Explorers Club's Freedom Wind.

I'd love to label them all a bunch of unoriginal hacks, but they're too dang good and obviously reverential to the ghost of Brian Wilson to be dismissed. If you love the Beach Boys like I do (And you really should. Seriously, go find a copy of Wild Honey, Pet Sounds or Smile and prepare for a solid mind-blowing), go check them out. It's eerie. It's like seeing someone who looks like someone you know but you know it's not that person and you keep trying to tell yourself "Well, it can't be that person because the eyes are the wrong color but dang! They look exactly like that other person I know! This is so eerie!"

It's like that.

6. This whole blog phenomenon is really taking off. Seriously, folks, it's going to be HUGE! I predict that in five years, everyone in the whole world will have a blog. Everyone. And not just those Early Adopters John, Ben and Brandt. Ehv. Ree. Wun. Get on this fad now before it's not cool anymore.

7. Also going to be huge: Hypercolor shirts. You heard it here first.

8. And speaking of Early Adopters, I learned how to use the torrents this weekend. I am now the Torrent Master™. The Internets has no idea what is about to hit it.

9. That new Mike Myers movie looks really terrible, doesn't it? Like "I think that trailer gave me eye herpes," terrible.

10. Who watches the Tony awards? Seriously? Anybody wanna cop to it? I promise I won't make too much fun of you. I watched roughly 2.5 seconds of it as I was flipping through and it gave me gas. Me + Musicals = Not A Good Scene.

11. So, how awesome is Burn After Reading looking? Brad Pitt, John Malkovich, George Clooney, that creepy albino lady Tilda Swinton, Frances McDormand (of course), plus the always reliable J.K. Simmons and ... (wait for it) ... the dude who played Sledge Hammer!, quite possibly my favorite show on television, ever. There's a "red band" trailer (with some swearing - you have been warned!) here. Oh man, I so love the Coen brothers.

12. TV sure does suck this summer, doesn't it? Is there anything worth watching that isn't a repeat? And if you say American Gladiators I swear I will punch you in the throat as hard as humanly possible. That's right, I will punch you THROUGH THE INTERNET! It's my mutant power and it's more useful than you'd think.

13. Looks like I won't be bothering with M. Night Shammalammading-dong's The Happening. Poor guy. He's like the cool guy in high school who peaked way too early and you see him like ten years later at the grocery store or something and he's all bald and unkempt and smelly and just generally depressing but totally unaware that he's not cool anymore. Poor guy. I feel for him, really I do.

14. Cleveland had a pretty happening proto-punk scene in the 70's. I actually knew this but had forgotten until I was reading about teh US proto-punk scene in Clinton Heylin's (so far) excellent Babylon's Burning: From Punk To Grunge. I'd recommend his From the Velvets To the Voidoids: The Birth of American Punk Rock and Bootleg: The Secret History of the Other Recording Industry to any aspiring rock and roll history student. Seriously, if I could read about rock and roll for the rest of my life, I'd be happy. Is that weird?

15. Nobody loves Haiku Friday. This makes me sad. Please won't you love it? Please?

16. I love my dad. A lot. He probably can't beat up your dad, but he'd give it his best shot. Because that's how he rolls.

What did you learn this weekend? Please share with the class.

Indiana Jones And the Forever Long Rant About How Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull Made Me Feel

First off, this is a SPOILER-laden review of Indiana Jones & the Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull. There are SPOILERS. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS. If you haven't seen it but plan on seeing it, you should probably go now because I'm going to be dishing out some SPOILERS and if you haven't seen it, you will be SPOILED by my SPOILERS. Did I make my point re: there being SPOILERS in this post? Because there are. SPOILERS, that is. This post is thick with them. I don't have time for your precious fanboy feelings. I'm going to review this movie and I'm not going to worry if I let a SPOILER or twenty slip. Got it, boyo?

Also, it's hecka long.

You have been warned.

Okay, with that out of the way, a little context. I've already admitted to my blind obeisance to the Indy franchise. Like the Star Wars franchise (whose luster has diminished in the wake of the Lucas-helmed prequels ... but we'll touch on that later), it's one of the building blocks of who I am as a person. Those movies, more than any others I saw at the time (and the 80's, while being a rough period for fashion and popular music, was a great time for "kids" movies, mainly due to the popularity of those franchises, come to think of it), captured my imagination and made me the creative person I am today. A little hyperbolic, but true nonetheless. It's all George Lucas and Steven Spielberg's fault.

That said, I didn't go into this movie blind. I'd skimmed the lukewarm reviews, had minimal conversations with co-workers and family who had seen it. All signs pointed to it being a little disappointing, but not Phantom Menace/midichlorians disappointing. So I braced myself for the worst. I mean, it's pretty obvious that whatever spring Mr. Lucas was dipping from that gave us the could city of Bespin, the Temple Of Doom and the Jedi Knights has long since dried up. I'm not expecting much from him, as sad as that is. And even with the lowered expectations of dealing with crazy old Uncle George who I thought was so cool and hip and funny when I was a kid but is now just sort of goofy and simple, I sat staring at the credits going "What?"

I really wish I could say it was the CGI prairie dog reaction shot(s) or the unconvincing special effects that sucked every ounce of danger or peril out of some pretty elaborate set pieces or the or the "skull of an extra-dimensional being" MacGuffin or the freaking CGI The LaBeouf swinging like freaking Tarzan with freaking CGI monkeys. I mean, yeah, those things are stupid (well, I dunno, I think the skulls sort of worked as the de rigueur mystical MacGuffin , especially considering that this installment is set in the McCarthy/Atomic/Cold War era), but to be honest, I was expecting that stuff. I sat through the Prequels. And still sort of like large portions of them. Slightly stupid stuff that you immediately block from your memory/edit from your recollection of the film is par for the course when you're dealing with Old Uncle George these days.

No, I took heart in the fact that, no matter how crazy Old Uncle George might get, at least he has Steven Spielberg there to keep him on task. I mean, he's Steven Spielberg. You know, Steven Spielberg? Greatest living director and all that? Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan and E.T. and Jaws and Close Encounters and like a million other modern masterpieces? He'll make sure that the not-crazy parts work, right? I mean, he's made some of the best movies of the 20th century, right? He'll keep the keel even here, right?

Wrong. Well, not entirely. There are interviews online where Old Uncle George mentions that he wanted Indy 4 to be a lot more ridiculous, so Spielberg did his job. But what no one counted on was someone having to restrain Old Uncle Steve.

In fact, if Lucas' lack of restraint is in flagrante delicto in Crystal Skull (and it is, but nowhere near the CGI/ADHD eye-assault of the Prequels), Spielberg's penchant for schmaltz is turned to 11. If you thought AI was muddled and syrupy and The Terminal was overly sentimental, well, this is like both of those movies. Put together. In the middle of act two, we're treated to an appearance from Marion Ravenwood from Raiders who just sort of shows up (when everybody's standing around in the Russians base camp trading exposition FOR. EV. ER., but more on that later) and all of the sudden, they're all gooey-eyed over each other. It's all very abrupt and syrupy (that line about how the one problem with the other women was that "They weren't you," is delivered so tiredly that I stifled an eye roll for fear of missing something awesome. I should have just rolled my eyes.) and not at all convincing.

Which brings me to the what I call the Mutt Paradox. The filmmakers invest a lot of time in "Mutt" Williams (Shaia LeBeouf in Brando's The Wild One drag). He's sort of a Mary Sue character, (he likes knives/swords instead of whips! He's a greaser! He's just like Indiana Jones only younger! And with a motorcycles! He's EXTREME!) and in fact I thought the positioning of him as the successor to the fedora (if not literally, then figuratively) was going to be a lot more overt, when in fact Mutt spends the first act and a half of the film as the "screaming girl"/Watson part normally relegated to Karen Allen's Marion or Kate Caphshaw's Shrilly McScreamerton or whatever her name was or the hot Nazi girl from The Last Crusade and then abruptly fades into the background once Marion steps out of nowhere in act 2, only to reappear for the aforementioned lamentable CGI monkey vine swing scene and then to get nailed repeatedly in the balls by CGI shrubbery.

No joke, people.

I have a feeling that the story initially went like this: Marion seeks out Jones because some thugs have kidnapped her son and Oxley (although I'll argue the importance of Oxley here in a second). This gives their romance a little more time to acclimate and grow instead of rushing in sometime before the second act closes and demanding we acknowledge it. Ah, but here's the problem, while the "Marion comes to Indy" story works a lot better, you are short-changing Spielberg's new man-crush, theLeBeouf and sacrificing the tween dollar. I mean, what right-minded teenager is going to plop $10 to see some old people engage in some Bogey-Bacall banter before going off to explore some South American graveyard? It's like On Golden Pond with car chases.

So you're left with two options: play down Mutt and risk not getting the audience to like him if you decide to build an X-Files in the 50's franchise around him (which might actually be cool if it's handled right), or have some old people look longingly into each others' eyes while punching crazy skull people. Which leaves us with a weird compromise: Mutt is introduced, sort of developed (through talking, a technique that mars this picture more than anything else) and promptly disposed of once Marion shows up halfway and plays out her story in fast-forward. Why? I have a feeling Old Uncle Steve wanted to shoot that soft-lensed wedding scene because he's a sentimental old codger. There, I said it. AND he wanted to set up the possibility of a Mutt franchise. So we're left with neither story or character given a fair shake and both end up feeling rushed and/or not fleshed out. Sucks, huh? What's that saying about having cake and eating it, too?

So if you can't tell, I didn't mind The LeBeouf. He's not a terrible actor, he does what he needs to without flourish. He's like a Ron Howard film, very workmanlike. Not at all charismatic or flashy or groundbreaking. His performance isn't going to cure cancer, but it moves the story along and doesn't screw anything up. He's like a plumber, not an actor: reliable, efficient and competent. Maybe he'll get awesome and I'll be eating my words. Who knows?

Oh well, we have Cate Blanchett to look forward to as the villain, right? Hmmm, not so much. I think Crystal Skull sort of killed the Cate Blanchett crush I was nurturing (No, it didn't). Thanks a lot, Uncles Steve and George. Her character, a Soviet psychic hunting for mystical artifacts for Mother Russia (and this isn't all that far-fetched, the Soviets are known to have experimented with psychics during the Cold War), begs to chew scenery, and, whether this is one of those moments where Spielberg toned down Lucas' bonkers or if it's just that Blanchett phoned this in for that sweet, sweet Burger King money (doubtful that, this woman is an acting machine), her character never seems to make sense or do anything but spout exposition and follow Indy around. She's total boiler plate villain, nothing special, nothing particularly menacing, even.

A hero is only as good as their villain and there's nothing to hate here, nothing to understand, even. I mean, it's Cate Blanchett playing Natasha from Rocky & Bullwinkle with psychic powers, give her something to work with. It's! Cate!! Blanchett!!! I'm red in the face from screaming it here, people. It's a total wasted opportunity. I mean, Belloq in Raiders, "Om Sheba" guy from Temple Of Doom, the British guy in the white suit in Last Crusade, all classy (Well, except for "Om Sheba" guy, though that headdress was pretty stylin'), slightly crazy and duplicitous. Here you have a world-class actor and you give her ... nothing. It's like having LeBron ref your kid's basketball game. I mean, if you're going to introduce psychics and aliens into the mythos, go whole hog. Am I right? Am I crazy? I don't think anybody would have minded if she were a total psychopath who blew people's brains up with her mind. And by "anybody" I mean "me." And I'm all that counts.

And speaking of wasted characters, WTH?!? was up with Mac and Ox (which, if you factor in Mutt, the prairie dogs, the monkeys and the killer ants and there's a serious animal fetish going on here)? I mean, okay, you need Mac for the opening scene, sure. But he's totally unnecessary everywhere else. And Ox is important as a vehicle to get to the city, but he's totally just thrown in there and seems to serve no purpose beyond mumbling poetry and looking stinky. It just felt cluttered, character-wise, especially by the end when you don't know or care whose side Mac is on and you're wondering why Indy's so desperate to save this guy who's shown what a self-centered douche he is at every turn. I don't care if the dude was Beowulf, let him die, Indy.

(An interesting caveat: I recently watched the bloody Australian western The Proposition which starred both Winstone and Jon Hurt where Hurt plays pretty much the same character, a poetry-spouting madman who's been out in the bush too long. Coincidence? Probably, yes. And while we're at it, this was the third film in the last two weeks that I saw that starred Cate Blanchett: her skittish Dylan imitation in I'm Not There, dual roles in Jim Jarmusch's excellent Coffee & Cigarettes and then, well, this.)

So yeah, there's some problems, but to be honest, these are the least of the worries. As I've outlined, these can be remedied or are symptoms of a larger problem. No, the biggest problem is that this movie is DUMB. It treats obvious plot points like revelations (The skulls are from aliens! Mutt is Indy's kid!) and expositions itself to death. At its heart, the Indiana Jones franchise is pulp done smart. It's sort of goofy and fun, but in the end, it's smart. Even the least successful film of the first three, Temple Of Doom, manages to delve into psychological horror (and actual horror, too. Hearts ripped from chests still beating which burst into flames? FREAKY! Also: AWESOME!) between all of the Scooby-Doo room running and Kate Capshaw screaming bloody murder. Indy is an exercise in taking genre conventions and tweaking them to work in the here and now. It's pulp done right. And one of the "rules of good pulp", according to Mr. Cunningham over at Pulp 2.0 is that "characters ... learn things that will come in handy later while in the midst of danger and daring-do" and not by talking about them. The first three movies gave you barely enough time to remember where you were, Crystal Skull's second act is composed mainly of people sitting around talking about stuff you already figured out.

"Dude, these skulls are from aliens!"
"No way!"
"Yes way!"
"You mean that corpse you took from Area 51 at the beginning of the film, the one where afterward I was questioned by FBI guys about what I saw in New Mexico, that was an alien corpse?!"
"Yeah!"
"And this thing that looks like an alien skull is not crystal as I had earlier surmised, but is, in very fact, an actual ALIEN SKULL!"
"Yes. And it has powers and stuff."
"Dude! I never would have believed that!"
"Yeah, I know! And now I'm going to make you STARE at it! For like a whole minute!"
"Noooooo!"

Yeesh. And they don't even have the guts to call them aliens. They're "extra-dimensional beings" which is like calling comic books graphic novels so people don't make fun of you. If there's one thing I've learned in this life, it's that sometimes you have to commit to the ridiculous, right comic book about a billionaire who dresses up in bat-themed pajamas to beat up on circus people and the deformed?

"Right, Dylan. To the Batcave!"

I really wish I could say that I loved this film. I really do. But maybe I'm just too old to have fun in a movie? There's a contingency of Lucas apologists who say things like "Well, it's just as ridiculous as the other Indy movies," and maybe that's right, but I "bought" that ridiculous and whether it was the fact that I was three/six/twelve years old, those movies were hecka fun. And for whatever reason, most likely a potent cocktail of the things I've laid out in this way-too-long autopsy of my childhood, I had no fun at all. In fact, I was bored and sad for a large chunk of this movie. I didn't "buy" it. Like, at all. And as much as I'd love to believe it was my fault, I think the filmmakers, whose job it is to warp my reality and make me buy into the fiction they're selling once those house lights go off, hold at very least some of the blame.

[ sigh ]

Who knows, maybe I'll catch it on TV five years from now and it'll be a hoot. I mean, I caught The Phantom (not The Phantom Menace. The Phantom. With Billy Zane as the 1930's pulp hero. The purple guy? "Smash evil!" That one.) on the SciFi Channel one Saturday afternoon and had a blast. Maybe I'll watch it with my daughter in a few years and she'll get a thrill from the killer ant scene similar to the thrill I got when I watched Indy get pummeled by a gigantic Nazi who was outdone by Indy's brains.

Well, Indy's brains and an airplane propeller.

Till next time, kids.

Like, uh, Stuff and Stuff...

* I had a pretty great Memorial Day weekend, all told. How was yours?

* Watched I'm Not There last night and loved it to bits. It's bold and messy and brilliant. The only story that I didn't cotton to was the more conventional biopic section starring Heath Ledger and Charlotte Gainsbourg, though even that was well put-together. I would love to watch two hours of the Billy the Kid/Riddle County/Basement Tapes story though. When the giraffe walks into the frame?! I gasped. Totally amazing. And Cate Blanchett, oh man, I loves her. It's a heckuva movie and highly recommended, though I would be interested what someone who isn't freaking named after the Man thought of it.

* I have nothing to read on the train tomorrow, as I finished up the second-to-last Invisibles trade I had tonight while Candace sewed. WTH?! What am I going to do?!

* We went out for our anniversary to La Dolce Vita in Cleveland's Little Italy over the weekend and had a lot of fun and delicious pasta. And this weird appetizer that Candace wanted to get but I didn't really like but it had prosciutto in it so I ate that. Prosciutto is yummy. Also got some pretty terrific cannolis at a bakery there. I love cannolis almost as much as I love my lady. And I love my lady like a lot.

* And I guess that's it. I know, exciting, right? Such is the life of a jet-setter like me...

BRR Goes to the Movies - The Incredible Hulk

I know, I know "But didn't they just make this movie and didn't Ang-Brokeback Mountain-Lee direct it and wasn't it beautiful but boring and ha dthis cool comic book panel effect every now and then and wait, was there a giant killer poodle in it?" Yes and yes and yes and yes and, unfortunately, yes.

So yeah, this one has Ed Norton instead of Eric Bana (who I have to resist calling Eric Banana). I sort of like him as an actor, Norton, but man, he runs like a girl. And it looks like he runs a lot in this movie. And where has Tim Roth been? I freaking love him. And I really love William Hurt but that is a terrible fake mustache. And let's not get started on the dodgy FX, though I guess they're cleaning it up before it hits screens.

Still, I have a hard time believing that the Hulk can carry a movie franchise, especially in the way they're treating him in these films. Sure, part of the attraction of writing a Hulk story is to be found in exploring the neuroses surrounding having this violent other side. Basically writing a Jekkly & Hyde movie, wrestling with the psychology of having King Kong or a violent toddler inside you, ready to slip out at slightest provocation.

But part of the Hulk's appeal, at least to kids (and let's be honest, this is still kids stuff, no matter how you try and dress it up), is that he turns into a big green guy and tears junk up. He's the primal Id given form (uh, obviously, Dylan. Where'dja get that crackerjack theory from? Duh. Why not just tell them the sky is blue while you're at it?), he's the opportunity to get revenge, guilt-free, on people who have pushed you too far. He's that little ghost from The Family Circus ("'Not Me' did it!") only in little ripped purple shorts.

I've always liked the idea that somewhere, deep inside of him, Banner sort of likes Hulking out. He pretends to be and maybe even really is disgusted, but it has to feel good to let loose every once in a while, don't you think? It's a horrible thing to wake up in a pile of rubble and realize that somehow, some part of you made this happen, but it's also (maybe?) sort of cool and satisfying to some lizard part of our brains, to have caused armageddon.

Is it a curse? Because this film and the Ang Lee arthouse film in comic film's clothing both seem to be saying it is. And if this is just going to run over the same psychological territory that drove the other movie that this is a do-over for, only with a more action-movie exterior, then what's the point? Or are we waiting for the eventual sequels to flesh this out? Just thinking out loud.

Oh, and another problem with the Hulk: villains. We've got the Abomination here and we had the Army in the Ang Lee movie (in my opinion, which is worth, well, not a lot, part of the problem with the Lee movie, besides it being waaaay too meditative, was that the Hulk was the villain of the movie and it's hard to root for the villain when he's smashing up Army guys, especially in America circa 2003). I mean, name me another Hulk villain. The Leader? Okay, I'll give you that. Who else you got?

Exactly.

Okay, that was longer than I anticipated. Long story short: I'd definitely Rent this. I dunno about the theater. If I didn't go see Iron Man in the theater (and I still haven't seen it. Next week for sure.), I definitely won't make it out to this.

You?

BRR Goes to the Movies - Indiana Jones & the Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull

Early word is that this is going to disappoint.* Who cares? It's Indi-freaking-ana Jones, people!

I N D I A N A J O N E S !

Now, I've already explained my blind spot for Star Wars. Yes, I know the prequels were bad. Sure. Whatever. Still, there are some thing in each of those movies that I lovelovelove. Yes, I said "love." Three times. Deal with it! This blind spot? Goes double, maybe triple, for Indy. You have been warned.

Okay, so this has the LeBouf in it. That sets off some alarms. BUT, it also has Karen Allen, Marion from Raiders Of the Lost Ark, which is sort of cool. It also stars Cate Blanchett. (And I love Cate Blanchett. I must tell you this.) As a Soviet treasure hunter. Who is looking for crystal skulls. That may have something to do with aliens. From outer space. Those aliens.

Also, did I mention it has Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones in it?

I think that sort of makes up for the LeBouf and then some, don't you?

Anyway, so Indy 4 may suck. Big time. But come May 22nd, I will be there. In the Theater, popcorn in hand and a big stupid grim splayed across my face. And I will most likely love it.

You?

* Though let's be honest: this is a sequel to a series whose last installment was delivered to theaters almost 20 years ago and whose cultural impact is really immeasurably huge. Does that sound like a film that could make everybody happy?

BRR Goes to the Movies - Prince Caspain

Let's take a look at the newest Narnia sequel, Prince Caspian, in theaters May 16th:

I'll be honest, The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe sort of bored me. I know I watched it, but all can remember was just how heavy-handed the Christian symbolism was. And I'm a pretty devout Christian. I mean, okay, we get it. Aslan is Jesus. Can we kill some minotaurs now or something?

This one looks sort of cool, I guess. I'd Queue it. How about you?