Anyway, So I've Been Thinking

I've been thinking about New Year's Resolutions for some reason this week. Normally, I think they're a load of crap. Well-meaning crap, but crap nonetheless (you know, sort of like America's Most Wanted). Last year I had hoped to read an average of a book a month, which I pretty much did. I also had the goal of posting on this blog 365 times. It's looking like I'll hit (and hopefully exceed) that number. That I have accomplished these feats is excellent, as I have never accomplished a New Year's Resolution like, ever. Right, barely-started awesome comic book script? Right, showering at least once a week? Right, cure for cancer? Right?

So, anyway, I've been thinking, and this is my long list (some of which are fake, but I guess you'll have to figure out which ones) of possible New Year's Resolutions:

* Eat 125 tacos.

* Write something of a substantial length (essay, short story, review, etc.) every month.

* Have a monthly mixtape giveaway for the faithful blog readers/commenters.

* Learn to speak Elvish. No, not "Elvis." "Elvish." It's what elves speak. Why would I want to speak "Elvis"? That's just nerdy.

* Take public transportation whenever possible.

* Find some way to volunteer for that one politician I really admire but shall not name for fear of hate comments because for some reason once you start talking politics on the internets, some people (not you people, of course. You people are good, decent, level-headed people. I mean those other people. You know the ones. NASCAR types. Them.) just stop being civil and forget that other people might see things differently than they themselves do.

* Stay caffiene free, baby.

* Wear more sombreros.

* Ty not to get too excited about the new Star Trek movie, despite the fact it will most likely rock my socks clean off.

* Make my way through the 36 chambers of Shaolin Kung Fu and defeat the dark master that waits inside that final and deadly chamber.

* Resist the urge to grow a mustache, even as a joke.

* Purple.

* Pick up my sobbing guitar and play it every now & then.

* Continue with my Picture Of the Week (aka POW!). Finish off that roll of film still left in my Holga. Use the Lomo Quadshot more.

* Continue to rage against the machine. And by "machine" I mean "the evil that is the jelly donut."

* Think about maybe starting some sort of exercise thing. Because I am getting old.

* Play more video games. Seriously.

* Kill that darned Sasquatch once and for all.

Anyway, so that's the long list. Care to help me weed it down? I know, hard to pick, right? Well, if you want to help, comment below.

Let Slip the Hounds Of Hyperbole! (or) Challenging Challengers

Jesse, are you serious? Challengers = Revolver? As my man Pete Doherty, aka Babyshambles, would say: "Put the pipe down." I kid, I kid. Alright. I'll play along.

Five Albums From 2007 That Are Better Than Challengers:

1. Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
2. LCD Soundsystem - Sound Of Silver
3. Band Of Horses - Cease To Begin
4. Sondre Lerche - Phantom Punch
5. Super Furry Animals - Hey, Venus!

And as long as I'm list-making, here's a few more that I'd rate higher than Challengers:

Jens Lekman - Night Falls On Kortedala
Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
Gruff Rhys - Candylion
Radiohead - In Rainbows
Suburban Kids With Biblical Names - #3
They Might Be Giants - the Else
Peel - Peel
*edited to add: Panda Bear - Person Pitch
I also just downloaded the new David Byrne Live From Austin album which makes the list for a couple of reasons:

1. It contains his mind-blowingly rad version of Whitney Huston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody".
[and]
2. It's features David Byrne. 'Nuff Said.

Which puts Challengers firmly outside the Top 10.

:(

PS. I am fully aware that these lists are totally subjective. I just like to argue now and then. It's fun, right? It's like Music Nerd Fu. Me, I fight Mantis style. My fist is like the hammer of heaven raining down upon the necks your ancestors. My Pao is Kung of the Highest Order. Anybody else got a "Top 5 Of 2007 So Far" list they wanna post? Then do so... NOW! FIGHT!!!

Twelve Inch Punch

Daddy like.

Daddy want.

Anybody wanna give me $350?

You can see it on the Rotofugi site here.

We Are Going To Rock

We are going to blow out the speakers on the stereo.
We are going to tear the roof off of this sucker.
We are going to party like it is going to be 1999.
Or 1899 for that matter.
We are going to dance until our legs fall off.
We are going to party like it was going out of business.
We are going to sing songs that haven't been written by anyone on this planet, we will sing them so loud the moon will cry because its ears hurt.
We are going to kick this party out the door and then invite it back in, only to kick it out again.
We are going to throw the kind of party that you can only experience in history books.
We are going to rock like Napoleon Bonaparte.
We are going to rock like Pablo Picasso.
We are going to rock like Vasco da Gama.
We are going to party until the sun burns up.
We are going to party until we run out of music.
If there is a world record for rocking, we will break it to pieces.
We are going to rock like electric robots on fire.
Our party will rock so hard that the crust of the earth will rupture, spilling out massive amounts of molten hot awesome that will burn us all to cinders.
We are going to party like astronaut explorers being ripped apart by a black hole.
We are going to party like hypnotized donkeys.
We are going to party like breakdancing kung fu masters.
We are going to rock like Godzilla, Bruce Lee and Frankenstein teaming up to beat the living bejeepers out of Dracula, the Mummy and the Wolfman.
And Mothra.
And Martha Stewart.
And that one guy with that beard that comes out to here.
And Keanu Reeves.
We are going to kick this party like it is a bad habit like heroin or listening to Rush Limbaugh.
We are going to rock like 76 electric guitars wailing in the darkness of a scorpions heart.
We are going to rock like kittens drinking a saucer of milk.
We are going to rock like rattlesnakes who have grown to an unimaginable size.
We are gong to rock like Batman and Superman got into a fight over who their favorite Spice Girl is and they didn't speak to each other for weeks.
We are going to explode the sun with our rockingness.
Our party will become the legends of future civilizations.
Our ability to rock is second to none.
We will not be out-rocked.
Everything must be rocked.
The ottoman.
The electric can opener.
The other can opener that you have to turn with your hand.
The butter knives.
The bones of dinosaurs.
The unicorns of Norway.
The pet rock collection.
The stained glass windows depicting how we rock.
The entire set of Franklin Mint commemorative plates.
Potsy, Mouth, Richie and especially the Fonze.
They must all be rocked.
We are going to rock our faces right off of our heads and it will be so much better than that movie with John Travolta and Nicholas Cage.
We are going to rock like tube socks made from electric eels with electric eyes and electric toothbrushes.
We are going to rock with the combined power of all of Jack "King" Kirby creations.
Which is a lot of power.
We are going to party like pirates on the high seas of love.
We are going to rock like it is the law and we must obey it.
We are going to rock like the Pythagorean Theorem.
Like the Berlin Wall.
Like a baby's scream.
Like a bobcat's tail.
Like the wild blue yonder.
Like a special effect.
Like the moon on the water.
Like the ocean's tears.
We are going to rock so hard, Bigfoot will come our of hiding and regain his rightful place as King of the World.
We are going to rock because we know of nothing else we do as well.
We are going to rock because we like - no - love it.

We are going to rockrockrock.

Oh yes, indeed.

...If I can just find that Paula Abdul cassette.

This Is Why I Read Comics

From the latest issue of the Immortal Iron Fist, issue six. I vow to use "Less talking. More kicking." in casual conversation more often.

Brubaker, Fraction and Aja (as well as the guest flashback artists) have been knocking it out of the park with this series. If you love kicking, stuff blowing up and overpowering pulp hero action, this is the book for you. The first trade's out soon. Don't miss it. Or I will be forced to one-inch punch you in the Adam's apple. For reals.

"Housekeeping! You Want Me Fluff Your Pillow?"

Okay, so there are some announcements that I need to get out there. Basic housekeeping stuff that I thought I'd bore you with.

Firstly, the call is still out for Blog Buddies. If you want your blog posted in my sidebar, just leave me a comment with your blog address. As I say in my new paragraph below the list, "As long as you're not super-creepy, I'll add [your blog]." So, people who are just "creepy," you're in. "Super-creepy" people, well, sorry. Maybe next time.

Secondly, remember when I bribed you into commenting with my wicked mixtape skills? Just imagine if I were doing that for, say, the top 10 commenters of the month. How rad would that be? How lame would you feel if you missed out on a handcrafted musical treat by someone with a black belt in mixtaping from the Shaolin Temple of Rock (that's me, by the way). I'm just saying.

Thirdly, I'm starting a new feature: Picture of the Week, or as I will refer to it "POW!". Because I'm a nerd like that. I have all these fun cameras sitting around (Polaroid, Holga, Lomo) that I will be posting photos from. One a week. Cool, right?

Fourthly, a kitten held by an aspiring spinster. And now I pull out my mini tape recorder like Alan Alda in Crimes & Misdemeanors and say, "Idea for a website: a social networking like MySpace for crazy cat ladies. 'CatSpace'? Maybe."

Turn down the sheets, a mint on the pillow... and we're done here.

"I No B*stard! I Bruce Lee!"

I was skimming the Onion (which, I feel it fair to warn you, is incredibly hit-and-miss) this morning while waiting for my computer to open a file (which it's still working on) and stumbled on this little nugget:

Why Was I Not Informed About Bruce Lee?

I am going to try to remain calm and keep in mind that you purport to be decent, rational people. As my parents and peers, you supposedly have my...

Click it. You will laugh.