Anyway, So I've Been Thinking

I've been thinking about New Year's Resolutions for some reason this week. Normally, I think they're a load of crap. Well-meaning crap, but crap nonetheless (you know, sort of like America's Most Wanted). Last year I had hoped to read an average of a book a month, which I pretty much did. I also had the goal of posting on this blog 365 times. It's looking like I'll hit (and hopefully exceed) that number. That I have accomplished these feats is excellent, as I have never accomplished a New Year's Resolution like, ever. Right, barely-started awesome comic book script? Right, showering at least once a week? Right, cure for cancer? Right?

So, anyway, I've been thinking, and this is my long list (some of which are fake, but I guess you'll have to figure out which ones) of possible New Year's Resolutions:

* Eat 125 tacos.

* Write something of a substantial length (essay, short story, review, etc.) every month.

* Have a monthly mixtape giveaway for the faithful blog readers/commenters.

* Learn to speak Elvish. No, not "Elvis." "Elvish." It's what elves speak. Why would I want to speak "Elvis"? That's just nerdy.

* Take public transportation whenever possible.

* Find some way to volunteer for that one politician I really admire but shall not name for fear of hate comments because for some reason once you start talking politics on the internets, some people (not you people, of course. You people are good, decent, level-headed people. I mean those other people. You know the ones. NASCAR types. Them.) just stop being civil and forget that other people might see things differently than they themselves do.

* Stay caffiene free, baby.

* Wear more sombreros.

* Ty not to get too excited about the new Star Trek movie, despite the fact it will most likely rock my socks clean off.

* Make my way through the 36 chambers of Shaolin Kung Fu and defeat the dark master that waits inside that final and deadly chamber.

* Resist the urge to grow a mustache, even as a joke.

* Purple.

* Pick up my sobbing guitar and play it every now & then.

* Continue with my Picture Of the Week (aka POW!). Finish off that roll of film still left in my Holga. Use the Lomo Quadshot more.

* Continue to rage against the machine. And by "machine" I mean "the evil that is the jelly donut."

* Think about maybe starting some sort of exercise thing. Because I am getting old.

* Play more video games. Seriously.

* Kill that darned Sasquatch once and for all.

Anyway, so that's the long list. Care to help me weed it down? I know, hard to pick, right? Well, if you want to help, comment below.

MeTube

If I had a television show, it would be about a guy. With a smart-aleck sidekick. They solve mysteries. And fight Martians. And dinosaurs. Maybe zombies. They also play saxophone. And they breakdance when they solve a mystery. And they also drive a talking car. From the future.

Also, there are werewolves. And a leggy blonde girl who is also smart.

My show would be called the Impossible Adventures of Mister Awesome and His Friend and would star Bill Murray as the guy and younger Bill Murray as the sidekick. Bob Denver would star as the voice of the car. The music would be provided by Miami Sound Machine.

Fortunately, such a show could never exist. Because it would shred the very fabric of reality with its amazingness were it to ever air.

Crazy For Swayze

I just watched Roadhouse because there was nothing else on. I will say this: Roadhouse is easily the best movie ever made. It is why Isaac Newton, Isaac Asimov, Isaac Brock and Chris Isaak got together in their secret underground lair - the Isaackave - and invented the movie camera. It is why salmon swim upstream. It is why the sky is blue and why birds sing. It is like Walker, Texas Ranger on crack cocaine. Also, Sam Elliott is in it, which makes it 100 times better. Mathematically speaking, this makes it roughly 10 trillion times better than any movie. Ever. Basically, it's Citizen Kane. With kicking. And tight sweat pants. And mullets, sweet sassy molassey, the mullets in this movie are amazing.

Don't believe me? See for yourself:

Seriously. This movie is awesome. This I swear. If you can name me a better movie, I will not believe you. Because you are lying.

Another Needless Comic Post

Holy crap!

Warren Ellis.

Simone Bianchi.

Astonishing X-Men.

Proof that Marvel hasn't gone completely mad.

Glee.

In other news, I went to the comic shop and the library this week, so now I will bore you with short reviews:

First off, I read the hardcover collection of the Ultimate Galactus Trilogy by Warren Ellis and a bunch (and i mean a bunch) of other artists. It's good. Not great, but there are enough moments to keep it afloat. (My favorite moment is when the shuttle is lifting off and Reed Richards, with a grin as wide as his flexible face can contain says "I never get tired of this feeling." You and me both, Reed.)

The only misstep (beyond the wildly varying art) is the inclusion of the Mark Millar/John Romita Jr. Ultimate Vision back-up strip that not only adds little to the overall story, but actually contradicts a sort of big plot point for the finale of the saga. Still, it's got that crackle that most Ellis books do (which, it can be argued, is the real foundation of the Ultimate Universe, i.e.: a desire to replicate the widescreen superheroics of Ellis' "definition of awesome" book: the Authority) and, face facts, true believers, Ultimate Captain Marvel is just plain cool.

I also picked up Bizarro Comics, an anthology of indie comics artists playing with DC's toys, (Not a bad idea, eh, Marvel?) as well as volume one of the much-hyped Isaac the Pirate, both of which I have only skimmed. Reviews will appear if I feel either are worth shouting about.

So, yeah, I went to the comic shop yesterday, as I am wont to do. Here's what I picked up:

the Immortal Iron Fist #7 - I think I'm with Jog on this one. As good as this issue was, I really thought it could/should have been better. Not a lot better, just... better. I kept waiting for that one "aw hecks yeah" moment that I've come to expect from this book, but, alas, it never came. Still, you can do worse than a book about a lady doing kung fu on pirates and prostitutes, so I'll be shutting up now.

Godland #19 - A solid issue. It's always a little too cute for its own good, but it's still big, winking fun. Scioli's cleaned up his linework a little and Casey starts moving all of the pieces from the various subplots he's been percolating, which is good because I can't help but feel like more should be happening by now (a fact that Casey, via Freidrich Nickelhead, kind of meta-inserts mid-issue). Still a good read.

I also took a chance on Starlord #1 for a few reasons:

1. It has Rocket Raccoon in it.

2. Issue 4 has this cover:

(click it to make it bigger... it's worth it.)

3. It's superheroes in space which is like peanut butter and chocolate. It's a no-brainer, really.

and finally,

4. It has Rocket Raccoon in it.

Basically, it's a bunch of third-tier Marvel space characters on a Dirty Dozen-style suicide mission. Did I mention Rocket Raccoon is in it? Seriously though, it has a really good, Star Wars Expanded Universe/Battlestar Galactica vibe to it and while I'm not following the entire Annihilation: Conquest crossover (that would require a lot more patience and cash than I currently possess, as well as a willingness to read a comic with the word Quasar - what was our name for him again, Huston? ah-winkwink - on the cover), I'm definitely on board with Starlord (I should make a campaign button that says that: "I Am On Board With Starlord") unless something goes horribly awry. Also, the art is quite pretty.

Oh, and also, I broke down and bought the hardcover of the first volume of Nextwave: Agents Of Hate, (with the second volume to be purchased sometime soon) because I love it so.

So, yeah. Anybody still reading this post? Anybody? Monkey bottoms and pig intestines. Poop monster. Electric battery car lipstick on an enigmatic steer. Fart bacon. Nicotine cheese. Gragnok. Purf. Wq.

What Spock Found In Kirk's Toilet

Am I the only one excited about this? I am, aren't I?

Seriously, I hate Trek, (too much TALKING! Can you please just blow something up PLEASE?! Would it kill you to stop talking about the warp drive FOR ONE SECOND and just blow some stuff up? Seriously.) but then again, I thought I hated the Mission: Impossible franchise and Abrams managed to change my mind about that, didn't he?

The answer is: "Yes. Yes he sure did."

My only qualm is that it's a prequel and we all know how that worked out for that other (and still beloved by me, despite its squandered potential) space saga. I'd much rather they found a way to revitalize the Trek Universe beyond dusting off the admittedly beloved characters from the first series. It's a great concept and it would be fun to see it reimagined by the brains behind the bestest television show in the world: Lost.

(Only... [checks dashboard widget] 192 days, 10 hours and 56 minutes left until season 4! Now would be a perfect time to start renting the DVDs of past seasons and getting caught up! Seriously, summer TV is teh suck. You will thank me. You really don't want to watch the Singing Bee, do you? I didn't think so.)

Now would probably be a good time to admit a few things. In the second paragraph of this post, I said that I hated Star Trek. That is not entirely true. I may have fudged the truth a little. Sorry. Firstly, I loved the first four Star Trek movies. Especially the fourth one. It is amazingly hilarious. Secondly, as a preteen, I really dug the first two or three seasons of Next Generation. DON'T JUDGE ME! I was young and didn't know any better. It had "Star" in the title! It was trickery! Finally, the original series is always, always good for a laugh.

[whew]

I'm glad I could get that off of my chest. I feel cleansed.

Anyway, so I guess I'd better start brushing up on my Klingon, move back in with my parents, set my phaser to "stun," and start referring to anything I don't understand as "illogical, Captain" because I will be all over this movie. For reals.

This Is Why I Read Comics

From the latest issue of the Immortal Iron Fist, issue six. I vow to use "Less talking. More kicking." in casual conversation more often.

Brubaker, Fraction and Aja (as well as the guest flashback artists) have been knocking it out of the park with this series. If you love kicking, stuff blowing up and overpowering pulp hero action, this is the book for you. The first trade's out soon. Don't miss it. Or I will be forced to one-inch punch you in the Adam's apple. For reals.