G is for "Google Analytics & Things I Learned From It"

Every one in a while, I check the Google Analytics for the site. You know, just checking stuff out. I learned something interesting: people really want to self-induce seizures.

See, a while back I posted a link to someone who had taken every Beatles song and compressed them into something like 22 minutes. I lasted about 8 before I felt all weird inside, like I might die. So I jokingly posted it as the best way to self-induce a seizure. Apparently this is information people want to know about. Why? I have no idea, but look at these figures from my "Keywords" section:

"how to induce a seizure": 8
"induce a seizure": 6
"induce seizure": 5
"how to induce seizure": 2
"best way to have a seizure": 1
"how can i induce seizure in myself": 1
"how do i induce a seizure?": 1
"how easy is it to induce a seizure": 1
"how to induce a seizure in scott": 1 (sorry if it worked, Scott!)
"induce seizure how": 1
"want to induce a seizure": 1

So, 40 people have come to this site seeking advice on self-inducing seizures. That's sort of a lot. Who knew there was this untapped demographic? Certainly not me.

If you know me, you know that I am a man who can sense opportunity like one dog senses another dog's nether-regions. I am an opportunity-hound. Which is why I'm unveiling my new website: uSeizure.com.* We will post clips from those Japanese cartoons and stuff. It'll be awesome. If you're interested in buying banner ads, e-mail me: seizureman@useizure.com. I'm shaking in my boots while I wait. Get it?! Shaking? Har har har.

* I am not really doing this. Seriously, Internet, stop making yourself have seizures. It can't be good for you. Go read a book or something. Run through a meadow. Play a violent video game. Live, dammit! Live!

Image taken from David B.'s incredible Epileptic graphic novel. It's heart-breaking stuff. Seriously incredible.

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