Letter Never Sent, Vol. 3

An open letter to the old guy whose tapered jeans were altogether too high and too tight:

I could totally see the outline of your junk. That's gross. Seriously, it looked like the album cover for Sticky Fingers by the Rolling Stones. Nasty. That strangling feeling you experience whenever you wedge yourselves into those stonewashed relics is your boys being crushed. Just break down and buy some jeans that were made some time in the last decade or so. The universe, your boys and I (especially I) thank you mightily.


P.S.: Chuck Norris, you are hereby exempt from this open letter. Keep on karate kicking drug dealers in them tight-old Wranglers. It's just too hilarious for you to stop. The universe desires, nay, demands you keep on kicking in them tightie-bluies. That is all.

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