8.23.2007

To Beard Or Not To Beard... That Is the Question

First off, I apologize for the title. I am a weak man. I should have resisted, but I couldn't, or rather, didn't. I am truly sorry.

Anyway, so some of you have obviously noticed the query posed by the poll to the right. I am contemplating growing a beard. See, I hate shaving. But I also don't like being all hairy. Not that there's anything wrong with a beard. My dad has had a beard for roughly... forever. I'm pretty sure I've seen baby pictures of him. With the beard. I just don't know if I'm a beard type of guy. It takes a certain amount of commitment, y'know? Not just anyone can grow a beard.

If only there was a way to see what I might look like with a beard. Perhaps utilizing the exciting new world of computer technology to create a sophisticated rendering of me with a beard? Oh, okay. Below is the full view of what I may look like with a beard. Check it:

I know, I know. I have mad Photoshop Fu. Do not try this at home. I am a professional. "But what," you ask, "might the profile look like?" Ka-zam!

Yeah. And if that fails, there's always the mustache, right?

Wrong. That was a trick question. Mustaches are gross. Unless you're gay or a cop or a gay cop (or the Castlerocker's dad... seriously Ryan, your dad can rock a 'stache. For reals, though.), mustaches are a no-no. They are face mullet. I read that in a book somewhere. Maybe it was in the Bible. Probably the Old Testament. There's a lot of weird stuff in the Old Testament. I can't remember. I just know that they're gross. Just say "no," kids. Do the world a favor.

So, rock the vote. I'm not saying that I will side with the winning team in this debate (I mean democracy's great and all, but come on, this is my face! It's how I makes my livin'!), but I am willing to listen to what both sides have to say. Truly I am the Barack Obama of facial hair.

9 comments:

Candace said...

hilarious! in the profile photo you look a lot like bryan.

I voted "yes" by the way. Why not? Try it out. I don't think you'll stick w/ it...i don't think i would want you to stick w/ it. i like you clean shaven.

Candace said...

really, what i want is all that matters right?

Caitlin said...

Oh, my head! This is the best post ever. I am dying laughing over here! Go for it dude. You can rock the beard.

P.S. Totally agree about the mustache thing...

bryanorion said...

you actually don't look bad w/ the 'stache. i think you can pull it off. be forewarned...it is very difficult, if not impossible, to come back from the beard. don't toy with its dark powers.

Patti said...

Okay, first, nothing makes me laugh more than your posts with the label "my face is fat". Everytime.

Second, I am confessing I've voted more than once on different computers . . . I don't like beards so I've voted no. Like THREE times. So I think the results are overwhelmingly for growing that beard. I confessed.

Great post. Made me laugh out loud.

huston/lilia said...

once again i hate my brothers for being able to grow facial hair. you know what you can get me for christmas dylan... a beard. seriously.

b3n said...

*Disgusted, just disgusted that you would even question whether to exercise your heaven decreed power to grow facial hair. And not just lopsided sideburns or the true mexi-stash...*

barlows said...

I am cracking up at how well trimmed your photoshop beard is on the underneath (the profile shot is the picture you can REALLY notice it), so, yeah, I'm gonna vote go-for-it. I'd like to see if your real life trimming skills are as good as the computer ones.

Brooke said...

Ok for reals...does Candace take these pics for you OR do you take them yourself? Let's take a poll. I like beard idea. It's totally rebel. And that is so rock & roll.