2.07.2008

Shaken, Stirred, etc.

I don't care how you look at it, Quantum Of Solace is a dumb name for a movie, especially a Bond movie. I know, like, a lot of words and stuff and I can't figure out what the heck it even means. Sounds scientific? Should I bring my beakers and Bunsen burner with me to the theater? Will I be quizzed after viewing the film? Is it acceptable to bring live shellfish to a doctor's office? So many questions.

I tried to be all contrary and say, "It's not that bad of a title," but we had Entertainment Tonight on in the background (don't worry, we changed it quickly) and they mentioned it by name a few times. It sounded stupid. Like, really stupid, like it's trying way too hard. I's like Deciliter Of Loneliness or Hectare Of Sadness or something. Or like it will be two hours of James Bond looking wistfully out a window overlooking a beautiful beach while stroking a kitten, sipping tea and listening to Dashboard Confessional and softly crying.

And still I want to see it. And how could I not? Casino Royale ruled most egregiously. That parkour scene! Freaking incredible! Or when he has to stop himself from having a heart attack! Nice! I love when I can say, roughly 15 minutes into a movie, "Okay, I love this movie." That's a great feeling. (One I keenly felt while I was watching Cloverfield over the weekend. That movie rules, by the way.)

I would have named it Bloodhammer or Thunderstroke or Shatterfist or DeathyMcBloodkill or something. Something with some "oomph!", y'know? With some man parts, if you know what I mean. Something that sounds like it could also be the name of an Eastern European black metal band.

It's a terrible name, right? Am I exaggerating its suckiness? What would you name it? Who would win in a fight: Mayor McCheese or the Hamburglar? Is anything more delicious than bacon? And finally, dude, where's my car? These are all questions that this movie title brings with it. Only you, the beloved Internets, can answer them, because I have to go watch Lost.

2 comments:

b3n said...

Well, Quantum is a name for something really really really small. Solace is something the new Bond needs and doesn't get much of. Makes sense to me.

The name is still pretty dumb, but it tells me there's gonna be some revenge going on.

It also tells me the producers are trying to tell us "Look at the new Bond he's DEEP, man. He's got feelings and stuff. And we mean it!"

So yeah, -1 for Hollywood trying to jam a point down our throats that they made quite clear in the first movie.

A James Bond film should never, never have the word Solace in it, even if they are saying there's just they tiniest smidgen of it. And I can't think of a good way to use Quantum either. Unless it's like Quantum of James Bond Gives a (insert choice of words).

chrishaley said...

I don't know, I like it for it's ridiculousness.
That's the kind of thing I'm inclined to do though, you know?

Also, your two alternate titles made me laugh so hard I had to make a mental note to myself to be sure and give you a call if I ever need to come up with an incredible album title.