POW! #3 - Random Cleveland

People around here love them some Virgin Mary statues.

It's "Rock" With A "B" Stuck On the Front

Brock Samson: thy name is "Awesome." If you haven't seen the Venture Brothers yet, you are missing out. It's basically the Saturday morning cartoon you always wanted to stumble onto while swiching between A Pup Named Scooby-Doo and Gummy Bears. It delivers the awesome that the intro to Johnny Quest never did. (What the heck ever happened on that show? The opening credits were awesome but I don't think I ever made it through an entire episode... and I was all hopped up on Sugar Smacks.)

Anyway, it's funny, violent and ten kinds of awesome. The end.

Yeah I Traded Laughs In For Chartsefgraphs

Here's the standings for comments this month so far as of 1pm this fine afternoon.

(click to gigantisize it)

It's the 28th, by the way.

Just saying.

Also, if you missed it yesterday, I'm still feeling out the whole Mixtape Mafia idea. So far it's looking like we could have a cool little crew. There are still a few people I'd like aboard (you know who you are...). If we can get at least 10 people, we will do this thing. This I swear.

ETA: If you know anybody who may be into this sort of thing but may not be a regular reader of the blog, let them know to hop on and comment. The more merrier and whatnot.

An Exploratory Expedition

Just throwing this out there: I would like to do something like this. A mixtape club. A mixtape mafia. A mixtape militia. A mixtape mob. A mixtape, uh... club. Yeah. Anybody interested? Let's discuss.

Please Explain...

At work, we have this intern. His name is Mark. He's a great guy. Hard worker. Good eye. For some reason, I always want to call him "Dave."

I have no idea why.

He doesn't look like a "Dave." I have never known a "Dave" that resembles him. But I can not resist the urge to refer to him as "Dave." So far, I haven't actually called him "Dave." But it's been close. Someday, it's bound to happen.

What is my problem? Has anyone had anything like this happen? If so, how did you solve this problem? Please help me cope with this difficult problem of immense proportions. Thank you.

We Are the Sleepyheads

Go here. Now. It's worth it for the intro animation alone. Download the catalog, too. It's disturbing. And funny.

These Birds Can Fly

Well, this is some funny stuff.

From the HBO series Flight Of the Conchords. I downloaded some podcasts (which included the entire first episode) on iTunes, because I've been insanely curious about this show, but, as I don't have and never will have HBO, and since HBO shows aren't known for being especially "family-friendly," I wasn't really all that willing to commit to it fully.

It's funny stuff.

It's a little PG-13 (language... the only thing you couldn't hear on "regular TV" that I recall hearing was an "s-bomb"... but then again I was watching out of the corner of my eye while working, so... er, yeah).

This brings up an interesting question: why isn't this just, say, a Fox show (I mean, besides the fact that anything hilarious but remotely offbeat lasts a maximum of three brilliant seasons - think Arrested Development - if it's lucky; the Simpsons being the exception to this rule)? Or at least a Comedy Central show (except the fact that the last time they tried a really bizarre sitcom, the beloved Stella, it failed miserably [sniff, sniff]. Those are not tears. It's just raining. On my face.)? There's nothing content-wise that really warrants HBO. So, why that station?

Possibly because HBO, as a subscriber station, isn't necessarily looking for the numbers (and, more importantly, ad sales) that a Fox or a NBC would need to justify producing a musical/sitcom featuring a couple of dim-witted New Zealanders trying to make it big in NYC? Just thinking out loud here. It's a weird show. It's hard to sell that kind of weird to General Motors. Which is sad. Like, "kitten stuck in a well" sad.

Anyway, now that I've sucked the funny out of the atmosphere, go check it out. Like I said, the full episode's available as a video podcast. It's worth it. You will laugh.

Or your money back.

WTH?! (or) Miles & Miles Of Squares

I'm trying to figure out if this is the most amazing thing ever or just plain crazy. Please help me because I am so confused.

Pork Links

Hey, still no time for a "real live boy" post, so I'll just point this link out. Postcard Polaroid. Candace posted it in a comment. I thought it was cool. I am putting it here.

Back to work. I have e-mails to shuffle around.

Before I (Finally) Go To Bed

I've had this panel stuck in my head for a week or so. So therefore, I must scan it and post it here before I go to bed despite the fact that it is ever so late. It's from volume 2 of the Scott Pilgrim saga, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, which I have mega-ultra-love for. It's Scott yelling out the window of a slowly-pulling-away bus at his "cool gay roommate" Wallace Wells:

It goes on from there with the bus driving away and Scott yelling ridiculous/hilarious retorts ("If bad was a boot, you'd fit it!!!!" is the rest of the one in the bottom left) as the bus and type get smaller and smaller. Funny!

Feeding the Blog Beast

No time for a proper post tonight (which is a shame, as I would have really liked to get around to posting about our trip to Big Fun yesterday... maybe I'll get to it tomorrow?), as I have been busy writing a talk for tomorrow as well as crafting this baby for my brother Bryan's band, the Novelty Act:

Bryan told me to make it "fun" and "psychedelic." I decided to show a straight-laced kid who has just had a severe mind-altering experience. What are those things shooting out of his head? Are they the neon lights of Vegas? Glowing bits of the cosmos? Brain cells taxed beyond their limit by chemicals best left uningested? There's only one way to find out: go see the show. If you're in town, that is. I nany case, here's their MySpace page, if that's your bag. That's my little brother! He is singing! On the internets! Yay!

Anyway, that's all I have time for.

I gotta hustle.

As in "Do the..."

Peace.

POW! #2 - Random Cleveland

I snapped this at the Ohio City Rapid station while waiting for the train. It's this red pole with an orange sticker that reads: "POTATO". Which I thought was pretty funny in its own random way.

"Hail Atlantis!"

So, my buddy and Mostly Funny co-host Ryan Adams is looking at an advertising school in the fabled city of Atlantis. I polled a few citizens to get their reactions to this news. You can read their responses here.

Needless to say, the undersea world is pretty psyched about this possibility. Can you blame them?

Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to interview Roy Scheider or any of the rest of the crew from Seaquest DSV, mainly because it was a reference that approximately no one (except maybe Huston or Bryan) would have got.

I also tried to interview the Little Mermaid, but man, she is a hussy. She's like the Christina (or is it still X-tina? In any case, she's masty) Aguilera of the briny deep. Seriously, is anybody else kind of grossed out that they mention in the movie that she's all of 16 and then that prince dude is all over her?! WTH? And then [spoiler alert!] they get married at the end? And the dad's totally cool with that? Double WTH? Are mer-people the hillbillies of the deep or what? I guess I shouldn't expect much from a race that's basically the result of heavy drinking and fishing*, but come on, she's 16?!

This is another classic example of crack-smoking over at Disney. Did nobody stop for a minute and say, "Wait, should we change this line to say that she's 18? It won't change anything else, bit it makes it a little less creepy. Let's just change that. And... done."?

Anyway, so good luck, Castlerocker. Go rock the big "A". And watch out for the wasps down there, right Chubby Da Choona?

For those of you playing along at home, that was Obscure Pop Culture Reference That Nobody Got #3 (#1- the Donovan reference in the title, #2 - Seaquest DSV, and finally, #3 - a Seaguy reference)... which, according to the Official Blogging Rulebook™ means I am now officially disqualified for this post. I will be sitting in the penalty box until the count of "127-Mississippi." [sigh]

*Bring on the pro-mer-people hate mail! And while we're offending imaginary creatures, have I mentioned that I think that centaurs are filthy, filthy creatures? And don't even get me started on leprechauns...

He's A Rocket Man

Dude. I was checking Veer's "Ideas" section again and found this nugget. Some of it's amazing, some of it's merely cool, some is unimaginatively obvious and not at all cool. But still, who'd have expected so much amazing art produced in the name of He Who Has Gone Where No Man Has Gone Before - William "the Transformed Man" Shatner?

I did mention it was a link for a recent art show featuring artist's renditions of William Shatner, didn't I? I didn't? Well it is. And it's fairly impressive.

In keeping with Shatner's career over the last 20 years or so, it's all incredibly self-deprecating. I admire the man's ability to laugh at himself, because really, when your entire career is built on playing an oversexed astronaut (and it's amazing how quickly the image of Captain James T. Kirk pops int one's mind when you think of Shatner isn't it? It's like T.J. Hooker never existed. And that's a shame, really.), if you can't laugh at yourself, well... it's garden hoses and exhaust fumes, I guess. Or, you know, numbing the pain with alcohol.

So, well played Captain William T. Shatner, Canada's Favorite Son. Shine on, you crazy diamond. Shine on.

I Just Downloaded Icky Thump

And I must say this... Jack White and his sister Meg are freaking cool. They are rock and roll given corporeal form.

Admit it, they are.

Another YouTube Video Clip

A gorgeous video. A gorgeous song.

If this song doesn't grip your soul, you have none. You are a vampire or something. Some kind of being of pure evil who is incapable of feeling love. The eastern Europeans have made up myths to explain how something so black and full of hate could possibly exist. You would probably kill a unicorn if you saw one. Because you have no soul. And you are evil.

And I will weep for you.

Because I am a sissy.

"What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?"

"The impossible, man!" Yet another nugget of wisdom from the rocky lips of one Benjamin J. Grimm, Idol of Millions.

I Surf the Web Like It Was An Ocean, Dude

Okay, try and keep up here... I was checking Jog - the Blog as I always do upon arriving to work and he linked to this story which led me to this guy's site, which is awesome. See, poke around. Cool stuff, right?

Anyway, just thought I'd share, as it made me happy.

Pet Peeve Sounds, vol. 2

Does your microwave beep at you if you leave something in it too long after it's finished? Mine does. It's freaking annoying. The last thing I need is naggy appliances.

This is why the robots must never win their precious revolution. The future will be filled with annoying beeps and chirps, mark my words. Mark them well.

Sweet Sassy Molassey

This is quite possibly the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

POW! #1 - Random Cleveland

Found on a wall across from the produce section of the Westside Market. Hand-drawn typography. Korean? It was some sort of meat market, I think. It's abandoned now.

"Housekeeping! You Want Me Fluff Your Pillow?"

Okay, so there are some announcements that I need to get out there. Basic housekeeping stuff that I thought I'd bore you with.

Firstly, the call is still out for Blog Buddies. If you want your blog posted in my sidebar, just leave me a comment with your blog address. As I say in my new paragraph below the list, "As long as you're not super-creepy, I'll add [your blog]." So, people who are just "creepy," you're in. "Super-creepy" people, well, sorry. Maybe next time.

Secondly, remember when I bribed you into commenting with my wicked mixtape skills? Just imagine if I were doing that for, say, the top 10 commenters of the month. How rad would that be? How lame would you feel if you missed out on a handcrafted musical treat by someone with a black belt in mixtaping from the Shaolin Temple of Rock (that's me, by the way). I'm just saying.

Thirdly, I'm starting a new feature: Picture of the Week, or as I will refer to it "POW!". Because I'm a nerd like that. I have all these fun cameras sitting around (Polaroid, Holga, Lomo) that I will be posting photos from. One a week. Cool, right?

Fourthly, a kitten held by an aspiring spinster. And now I pull out my mini tape recorder like Alan Alda in Crimes & Misdemeanors and say, "Idea for a website: a social networking like MySpace for crazy cat ladies. 'CatSpace'? Maybe."

Turn down the sheets, a mint on the pillow... and we're done here.

Just a Quick Thought

Since when was David Hasslehoff an arbiter of talent? I mean, I love Knight Rider as much as the nexy guy (okay, so a little bit more than the next guy - sue me), but come on.

Maybe if the show were titled Germany's Got Talent or the Luxurious Chest Hair Challenge or So You Think You Can Drunkenly Eat a Hamburger On a Hotel Room Floor it'd be a little easier to buy the Hoff as some sort of expert.

I just had to share. I feel better now; cleansed.

What's That, Tabitha?

He did? Are you sure? Holy smokes, he did. See! And it's only been, like... three months. Not bad. Anyway, check it out, even though it does contain mention of that most foul of abominations: the centaur.

Filthy creatures.

I Killed Veronica Mars

So, no sooner had I commented on how much I was digging Veronica Mars, that the CW, in another stroke of genius, decided to cancel it.

It's like I have the blogging death-touch. I spread the love for Nextwave, it gets the boot. I spread the love for Lost, ratings dive-bomb. I spread the love for Veronica, literally seconds later, it's canned. What's next? Scott Pilgrim vol. 4: Scott Pilgrim Gets It Together gets delayed indefinitely? LCD Soundsystem dies in a horrible plane crash? Every copy of the incredible Tom Waits Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards album mysteriously disappears? Luchadores are outlawed by the Supreme Court? In some quirk of physics, awesomeness itself ceases to exist? When will this madness end?

So, starting now, I will use these destructive powers for good. I will, from this moment forward devote myself to pimpimg the following things that suck in hopes that my amazing (though sadly useless) power will cause them to wither up and die:

CBS's "comedy" Two & A Half Men
Rachel Ray
90% of all reality television
Comics that will "change the face of the ________ Universe - Forever!"
Avril Lavigne
Paris Hilton (freaking go away)
Justin Timberlake
People who call your house at 11:30 at night during the disappointing Cavs game insisting you stole their cell phone only to have dialed the wrong area code!
The comic book art of Michael "Oh What A Hack Am I" Turner
People who drive Hummers
People who bad-mouth Picasso
Parsley (so useless!)

And finally...

The CW. You suck.

There, my job here is done. Now I can sleep a little sounder, having made the world is a safer place. Until next time, citizen.

***************

In other news, the word "pimping" is, according to Blogger's spell-check, not a word. When reached for a comment, a visibly distraught Snoop Dogg released the following statement: "This is whack. The D-O-Double-Gizzle will not let this obvious slighting of hard-working ballers everywhere by the G-Double-O-Double-Gizzle (Google) stand."

He then smoked a lot of marijuana cigarettes, laughed at a dog who was urinating on a bush and passed out. Upon waking, Mr. Dogg demanded a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and promptly forgot about the whole "pimping" thing.

Reporting from South Central, this is the Big Red Robot wishing you a pleasant evening or whatever. Back to you, Nina Radetich.

Who Is Your Daddy?

Well, father's day is coming up and if any of you are wondering what to get your daddy, or at least that guy your mom says is your daddy, there's always this little beauty which manages to mix two things of equal awesomnimity: surrealism and Super Mario Brothers.

Awesome, innit?

I'm a size "large." Just in case you were wondering.


(Seriously though, don't buy it for me. You need to save your money for this. Yeah. That sound you hear in the back of your skull: pure glee escaping into the atmosphere and fixing that hole in the ozone and making ponies become unicorns and babies smile and ice cream delicious and leprechans dance. Such is the power of Scott Pilgrim.)

Another Video

Aaaah, YouTube. Friend of lazy bloggers everywhere. This is Blur's video for "Coffee & TV," from the album 13.

Isn't that cute? And sort of twisted?

the T to the Vizzy

So with Lost on hiatus until next year (Holy cat crap, Batman! Can that be right?! [checks the beloved internets] It is. WTH?) and us living somewhere where we actually get TV reception, I've been trying out a few "new" (for me at least) shows. I feel like I'm at a buffet, picking at stuff I've always been curious about, but not wanting to have to commit a whole meal to. I am free! So, here's what's on my plate:

Veronica Mars (CW, Tues. 9/8C) - Wow. I really like this show. After hearing the critics (and Stephen King in EW) get all glowy about this show, I was curious, but not entirely sold. I was wrong. I am man enough to admit that now. Now admittedly, I'm picking up in the third season (we just got season 1, disc 1 via the beloved Netflix, however), I was definitely smitten. The dialogue's snappy (Whedon-esque, if you will... though I was never all that into Buffy. I just like adding "-esque" to th eends of words. It's a very Big Red Robot-esque thing to do), and with the unfortunate demise of that other CW show and Big Red Robot fave (and I don't care who knows it), Gilmore Girls, I need me some snappy dialogue. Watch it.

Boston Legal (CBS, Tues. 10/9C) - I will admit this only once: I dig Shatner. And he's hilarious here. I'm not one for legal dramas (they bore m, really. If it were at all interesting, I'd be typing this in a law office rather than a design office) but, this is decent entertainment. It's got Candice bergen in it and James Spader (he's looking a little old, isn't he?) and the guy who played Stevie's dad on Malcolm In the Middle as a bunch of quirky lawyers. For what it is, it's worth it, as long as nothing else is on.

Traveler (ABC, Wed. 10/9C) - File this under: "great idea poorly executed." The set-up for this show is great (two friends are framed for a terrorist act by their friend who, somehow, never really existed), and it has some really cool moments, but it ends up stumbling over hoary old clichés at every turn. The characters are stock, the twists are stock, the dialog is stock. There's just nothing there that's at all special once you get beyond the high concept (which is where this differs from Lost, which could easily have been a much less interesting show had it not had the talent it has at the helm). It has one more episode and if it fails to elicit any impression, I'm out. I could use the extra sleep, anyway.

The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS, Mon. 8:30/7:30C) - I really want to love this show, really I do, if only to prove that the cast of Seinfeld isn't cursed, but it's at best, a marginally decent sitcom. Skippable.

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, Mon 9:30/10:30C) - It's funny and the cast is great (Jason Segel is genius, surprising no one), but it careens far too often into Crudetown, which is unfortunate. Watch it, but put the kids down first.

Creature Comforts (CBS, 8/7C) - It's cute, but sort of just one joke over and over. Still, it's funny stuff and the claymation's pretty impressive. It's still a little, I dunno, British, in its pacing, which may not be a good thing for lowest-common denominator American audiences. Worth keeping an eye on.

On the Lot (Fox, Tues. 8/7C) - Great premise and, I think, fairly accessible for a culture where film is our dominant art form. We've seen enough films to know (for the most part) good work from bad work (though a cursory glance at box office receipts might just kill my precious little theory dead) . Still, the whole American Idol, let's see how many hours we can milk out of one show by showing the films one episode and then having the results show the next episode thing tires me. Just tell me who won, 'kay? Let's not milk this thing forever. It's a great idea for a reality competition, but come on, don't drag it out. If it's on, and nothing else more interesting is competing, check it out.

NBC's Thursday night lineup (Uh, NBC 8-10/7-9C) - My Name Is Earl, the Office, 30 Rock and Scrubs? I guess I know where I'll Thursday nights. The weak link here is Scrubs but it's normally entertaining enough to warrant a watch. It's in nno way as cute as it would like you to believe it is, but hey, at least it tries, right? The other three are some of the best series on television right now that don't feature an island full of crazy/awesome stuff. you must watch this or suffer the indignity of being branded an outcast by society at large.

And here's some shows I've watched and will rip to shreds:

According to Jim - Another entry in the "Obnoxious fat guy with good-looking wife" genre (I feel it fair to note that I am a fan of King Of Queens, which falls firmly and unashamedly in this camp, but it's the genre done well - that's the difference here), this is just not at all funny. It's like there's a warehouse full of these scripts and once one of these shows get canceled, they cast a new one on a different network. Okay, we get it, it's the Honeymooners for our time. Enough already.

Two And A Half Men - This show is comedy cancer. It will make you die if you watch an entire episode. And, what the heck is up with Charlie Sheen's chin? Did he get , like a chin implant or something? Because he looks horrible. He looks like Skeletor wearing a flesh mask. [shivers] Yeesh. Gives me the creeps. Also, did I mention thsi show is atrocious? Because it is.

Anyway, so that's television. Did I miss anything? Keep in mind we just have rabbit ears. I know it's weird. Work with it.

Updated! We also never miss America's Funniest Home Videos, because you never can see enough crotch-hits, and I watched most of an episode of Studio 60 and man, them people can talk, can't they?

"I Put the Wheels In Motion, A Time For Big Decisions"

There comes a time in a man's life when he's faced with a decision that just must be made. The lady or the tiger? Soup or salad? The orange tie or the orange-er tie?

Well, dear readers, I am faced with a similar, King Solomon-esque, decision of immense proportions: which version of the new Spoon album, Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga, to purchase?

There's the CD with a bonus disc featuring exclusive tracks or there's the super-sweet LP featuring a coupon that allows you to download mp3 tracks from the Merge site (including the bonus tracks) or I can wait and download it from eMusic OR I can just buy it from like Best Buy when it comes out.

Do you see my dillemma? It is of immense proportions! I am totally freaking out over here!

A Film By Kirk

Goodbe, Gilmore Girls. It was fun while it lasted and then the CW got all stupid and fired Amy Sherman-Palladino and then you got dead after a terrible final season. I will miss you.

I will especially miss this guy:

Will You Be My Blog Buddy?

I always feel weird about adding people's blogs to my sidebar. I mean, what if they're hiding out from the law and I just blew their cover? Though to be honest, if you're hiding out from the law, you probably shouldn't write about it on the internet. Seriously, that's just sloppy. Maybe you deserve to be caught.

I'm always flattered when people put me in their sidebar, but I always feel weird about putting people in mine. It's sort of junior high-ish, I know, but what if somebody doesn't want to be seen standing (digitally speaking) next to me?

So, if you're a regular reader and would like your blog handsomely displayed in my sidebar, please leave a comment with your blog address. I'll display the blogs by title, alphabetically. Now is your chance to hop aboard the juggernaut that is the Big Red Robot Internet Machine That Is Rolling Across America Like A Steamroller On Drugs.

Pretty Persuasion

Now I'm not saying I'm planning anything, but let's just say, hypothetically speaking of course, that I were to to keep track of the top ten commenters on this blog for the month of June. You know, just keep a running tally of those people who put their proverbial money where their proverbial keyboards are, so to speak, and have their proverbial voice heard proverbially on the important things, like who would win in a fight between Dracula and El Santo.*

It wouldn't be totally out of character for me to, say, give a super sweet mix CD to those top ten commenters at the end of the month, would it? Hypothetically speaking, of course. I'm just saying, it's not like there's no precedence, right?

*(El Santo wins... this is no contest, really. El Santo always wins. Except versus M.O.D.O.K. That'd be a tough one to call. Let us pray it never happens. Truly this would shake the very heavens)

Advertising Is Crazy

I was reading in the "Ideas" section over at Veer about the Art Director's Club awards last week and this was one of the winners. Wow. It's quite genius.

Then there's this which my homie Allen, aka "Tenbu" pointed me toward. And let's not forget the yodeling bunny ad that also won at the ADC awards.

It's amazing the amount of surreality they've been able to get away with while selling little brightly-colored candies. The spirit of Salvador Dalí is cackling maniacally while devouring fruit flavored candy and kittens somewhere.

Seriously, can you imagine them pitching these ideas to the board of directors for the Skittles company? I imagine it going something like this:

"So there's this rabbit that sings and this guy trades his Skittles for it because really, who wouldn't want a singing rabbit, but the rabbit won't stop singing and it's really annoying so the guy goes to trade back, but the other guy's just eating the Skittles and the first guy is just standing there with the singing rabbit and he is sad. So, when can we shoot this? Does anybody have any more blow? Is this floor moving? I am hot. Are you hot? It is hot in here."

These guys must be amazingly persuasive to get these weird things produced. Like, "Selling Ice to an Eskimo," persuasive. Like, "Selling Crazy to Tom Cruise" persuasive. Like "Selling Drunk to Lindsay Lohan" persuasive. Like "Selling Creepy to the Transvestite Exterminator" persuasive. These guys are good. Watch out because they may just use their powers for evil and make you do things. Bad things. Like rent Be Cool or shave little Vanilla Ice lines in your eyebrows.

And lastly, in a not-at-all-related item, do not click on this link! Doing so will make you want to claw your eyes out with your fingernails. You have been warned.

Why I Fear the Tow Zone

Am I the only one who, when he sees this:

Immediately sees this:

Do you see it too or am I crazy? Seriously, I will never park in one of those spaces for fear of Charles Manson.

Quote For the Day

"You may think I look sad
But I am just sleeping
It's my facial expression
I'm probably dreaming."

David Byrne
"Sad Song"

Dude, So I'm Crazy

Okay so I spent a couple of hours going back through the blog and tagging my posts to make it easier to look for something. I also did this because I am crazy. You will notice a long list of links to the right. These are the tags for my blog. Enjoy.

Fun With YouTube

I was looking on YouTube for this horrible "Visit Detroit" ad I saw the other day and found this gem instead. WARNING: This will scar you for life. You have been warned.

"I Saw It And Wanted To Try It."

I found these last weekend when I volunteered to help move books from a local junior high. I love the fact that their first question for the first man on the moon isn't: "So, First Man On the Moon, huh? How was that?" It's "Did you fight in any wars?" Genius.

I'm assuming they got an "A."