7.09.2007

Some Musings On the Mullet

I know it's sort of easy to bag on that most hilarious of haircuts - the mullet - but I had an interesting thought today: Do you think that mullet people know they have a mullet or is there a degree of mullet denial involved?

When they go to their stylist do they say:
"Give me the #13... y'know... the mullet." Or is it more like the following exchange:

"Just take a little off the top. I like the back long. Like that Billy Ray Cyrus guy."
"You mean a mullet?"
"What? No! Are you crazy? Just short on top and long in the back."
"So... not a mullet. Just short on top and long on the sides and back?"
"Yes. Exactly. You know: 'Business up front. Party in the back.'?"
"And how is that not a mullet?"
"Mullets are... I dunno. Just different. Longer in the back maybe? Didn't you learn this at the barber college? Yeesh."
"Okay. Whatever. You're a lousy tipper anyway."

So kids, what did we learn today? Well, if your hair is long in the back and short in the front it is, in fact, a mullet, despite whatever delusional state you may find yourself in. It is a mullet. As the poet Wesley Willis once said:

Do something about your long, filthy hair
It looks like a rat's nest
Do something about your mullet
Get out the hair clippers, jerk.

- from masterpiece "Cut the Mullet" found on his Greatest Hits album

The first step is admitting you have a problem. Mullets are hideous. Hilarious, but hideous. They are a disease, but there is a cure. It's called a normal haircut. I'm sure there's some sort of mullet support group for you to join. Do it for the children. Do it for Wesley Willis. Make the world a better place:

Cut the mullet.

4 comments:

Jenny + Mark = Love said...

I bought my husband a t-shirt at Target that has a guy on it pointing his finger saying "cut your mullet". I will try to locate it in my husbands massive t-shirt pile and post it. My older bro sported a mullet for years, thank heavens he got a wife who guided him into a slightly better hairstyle :)

Chanel said...

another blogger from Iowa is considering making a mullet coffee table book, she says the midwest is crawling with "mullet people". Dude you are one FUNNY guy, thanks for the late night laughs!

Patti said...

I really think they have no clue. They don't think they have "the mullet".

Allen TenBusschen said...

I think it is like being emo, no one really thinks they are emo but they are.